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Did you know that May is National Skin Cancer Awareness month?

Well, me neither, but I recently read a post over at The Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms about preventing skin cancer which reminded me that I’ve had “Schedule Skin Check at the Dermatologist” on my official To Do List for the last, oh, five years or so.

If there’s one thing that a freckly, pasty, aging, former tanning booth user like myself should be doing, it’s getting skin checks every year by a professional…and not just with a magnifying glass I took from my kid’s toy box like I’ve been doing in lieu of an actual medical examination.

Skin cancers are on the rise, but for the most part they are easily treated when caught early. So what have I been waiting for?

It’s just like the time I put off getting that colonoscopy (for four years). That ended up being far less crappy than I had envisioned, and truthfully, the skin check was a walk in the park.

There are a few things I learned from my first trip to the dermatologist that I’ll know for next year’s visit:

1. The skin check requires that the doctor look closely at your skin- obviously. Not wanting to go in looking like the elusive Sasquatch, and hoping that the doctor would be able to see my skin without having to brush my leg hair aside, I knew I needed to do some maintenance. As I set my alarm an extra 20 minutes early so I could shave, I thought that seemed a little sad…then it became down right tragic when it took me even longer than the allotted 20 minutes to do the hair removal. Note to self, consider shaving above the knee more than 3 months a year.

2. Avoid people the day of the appointment. I was told to not wear any makeup for the skin check, which makes sense, and I guess I forgot how terrible I look when I don’t have my face ~~spackled~~ brightened with cosmetics. I ran into a friend at the gas station, and I said simply that I was on my way “to the doctor’s office.” Well, between my nonspecific comment, and not wearing any makeup, my totally well-meaning friend looked at me with concern, scowled, and said, “Well, I hope you feel better soon! Get some rest; you look terrible!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her the aforementioned doctor was the dermatologist and I felt fine, so I just faked a cough and hurried to the appointment before I worried anyone else with my haggard appearance.

3. Generally I feel fairly happy with my body. I’d call it a combination of a healthy body image and a general lack of shame, but I have to admit feeling a little self conscious as I was examined. Want to test your self confidence? If you ever feel really good about yourself, you can put it to the test by standing in front of a *stranger in your bra and underwear as they look over your entire body through special glasses, sometimes with an extra magnifying glass, and see how confident you really feel. (*Don’t pick any stranger, stick to dermatologists).

4. I have no idea what a suspicious spot looks like, because apparently, I didn’t have any. I was prepared to have the dermatologist say I needed two dozen freckle like spots burned off my face, but to my surprise nothing was abnormal. I was most relieved by one small area above my lip which has caused me some anxiety over the last couple months. However, the doctor assured me, upon super-close-up-inspection, that it was nothing and had I been a man I probably would have shaved it off by accident (it’s in my mustache). Maybe I just need a sharper razor…

So that’s it – nothing to report other than I spent an abnormal amount of time shaving all but the worrisome freckle from my mustache. Having a stranger stare at my body while I stood in my undergarments shook my self confidence a bit, but not nearly as much as my friend thinking I had contracted a serious illness but really I just had left the house without makeup on my face.

I hope if you haven’t signed up for a skin check, you’ll follow my awkward lead and get one for yourself. The Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms even have resources for free skin checks in your area. Check out their post here.

I know I’ll be getting mine every year until time travel is invented and I can go back and kick my twenty year old self out of the tanning booth.

Pale. It’s the new tan. Tell your friends.

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Back by popular demand, it’s this year’s Bad Mother’s Day Gifts! For the 3rd year in a row, whether you want to avoid giving the mother in your life a bad gift or if you’re looking for a passive-aggressive way to let your Mom know she makes Betty Draper (Mad Men) look like June Cleaver, then this is the best-worst list for you!

(Be sure to check out link to the Bad Mother’s Day Gifts from 2012 and 2011 at the bottom of the post)

1. The Fat Magnet. This $20 kitchen gadget is supposed to remove unwanted fat from your food. First of all, you’re insinuating that your Mom needs to worry about removing the fat from her food, and secondly, there is no way this device actually works. If it did, I’d have 10. Spend the $20 on flowers, or better yet, it’s Mother’s Day, go buy her some chocolate! Source

2. Double Kitchen Canisters (aka automatic toddler feeders) – Let’s call a spade a spade on this one. This is entrapment. Who hasn’t had a morning where you want to sleep in and tell your toddler to go make breakfast themselves? With this automated cereal dispenser, you can pretend you toddler is a cat and they can eat what they can dispense while you sleep in. Of course, I’m not saying your Mom would do such a thing, but don’t tempt her either. Source

3. Predator Claw Rings – ($900.00 per paw) I’m usually not at a loss for words, but this time I’ll just leave you with a suggestion. How about a gift certificate for a manicure instead? Source

4. Trendy Fashions – We all know trends come and go, and what one person calls trendy another might say is…well, I don’t have words for this fashion fail. Thanks to Facebook follower, Jill Hector, for this wonderfully, tragic find – The Steve Buscemi Dress. Source

5. Carpet Sandals – We’ve all heard of the carpet matching the drapes…but what about the sandals? Wait, what? Source

6. Gold Poop Pills – These gold infused pills will turn your poop sparkly! Now, I’m not a medical doctor, or an accountant, but spending $435 on pills to put some pizazz in your poo <insert jazz hands> seems like a dangerous waste of money. Maybe buy Mom something made of gold she can wear like a necklace or earrings…or hell, just let her use the bathroom alone! Thanks (for lack of a better word) to Facebook follower Katelyn Thompson for finding this very, very bad gift! Source

7. Wake-n-Bacon Alarm Clock - Is Mom always complaining that she never gets breakfast in bed? Well, she won’t be able to complain anymore when she is awoken to the aroma of (sort of) fresh cooked bacon next to her be in the morning with the Wake-n-Bacon Alarm Clock! Source

8. Food Dress – These amazing dresses were created by artists Artist Yeonju Sung and comprised of fruits and vegetables. Maybe I’d suggest these as a gift if they were made of something more delicious like candy or french fries, but as is, even a fashionable styled salad, is still just a salad. Source

9. Wearable luggage - Moms are always complaining about not having enough space in their purses, and most Moms are looking for that everything bag. This is not it. These ponchos may carry up to 33lbs of luggage, but there’s no room for pride, shame, or a positive reputation. Source

10. Hana Tsun Nose Straightener - Does your Mom have a crooked nose? Does it make her hard to look at and love? Well, for just $49USD you can make your Mom’s nose more socially acceptable and visually appealing. Source

Still need some more bad gift ideas?

Check out the Bad Mother’s Day Gifts from 2012 and Bad Mother’s Day Gifts from 2011!

Keep an eye out for my 3rd annual Bad Father’s Day Gift Guide, coming soon!

What do you think? Would you like to receive any of these gifts? Anything tickle your fancy? Leave me a comment & let me know how you like the list! I’d love to hear from you!

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10 Bad Mother’s Day Gifts for 2013