“Lucky” jeans, my ass…
Lucky was the last thing I felt as I tried, desperately, to squeeze my rolly-polly rear into those pants. I did it though. I even got them buttoned.
I hopped around my bedroom, doing squats in hopes of loosening the denim, finally collapsing on the bed, sucking in all the breath I could, and then it happened. The zipper gave it’s last bit of resistance as it reach the top. My thumb throbbed as it did as I commanded and thrust the button through the hole.
I was there.
I laid on my bed, breathless and sweating, in sweet disbelief. I am wearing my smallest sized pair of jeans. My I-paid-way-too-much-for- these Lucky Brand pair of jeans.
I rose from the bed without bending, yet still victorious. I stiffly waddled over to the mirror. For a brief moment I saw myself as the woman who bought those jeans fifteen months ago. The woman who only had two kids, not three; the woman who was running a 5k and eating healthy every meal.
As I turned to see my “rear view” I went to tuck in my shirt…and my skin.
Oh the horror!
I had the worst case of muffin top I have ever seen. I cried out and tried to crumple into the fetal position but fell stiffly forward into the mirror.
It was there, on the floor, stiff and without sensation below the waist, that it hit me. I am suffering from the worst kind of fashion disorder. When I look into the mirror I see a skinnier version of myself. It’s the opposite of what those suffering from anorexia and bulimia see. Technically termed, body dysmorphic disorder causes suffers to view themselves in an altered state. These people see themselves as fat even when they are wasting away. I, on the other hand, see myself as thinner than I actually am.
The absolute joy of zippering and/or buttoning a smaller sized article of clothing blinds me.
Now that I have diagnosed myself as a sufferer of reverse body dysmorphic disorder, I have been living in constant fear. Every time I change clothes, I spend triple the time in front of the mirror studying the image before me.
Is it real???
So if you see me (and my muffin top) out and about this holiday season, please don’t judge too harshly- I’m sick…really, really sick.