After having a new baby, my third baby at that, I am back to trying to come up with a weight loss plan. It’s hard to be fabulous while wearing maternity clothing. It’s also impossible to be fabulous when your pre-pregnancy clothing is too tight and giving you muffin top and moose knuckles. Additionally, I observed with my first child that my excuse ‘I just had a baby and that’s why I’m so chubby’ only works for the first few months…after the kid starts walking, it seems to lose its believability. So, with that said, I’m more determined than ever to shed these extra ‘baby’ pounds…besides if I hear one more person say, ‘You don’t look like you just had a baby,’ I’m going to scream. What does it look like then? That I’ve just let myself go??
Due to the fact that I am so very busy (lazy) I decided to explore the options which I felt would give me the quickest results. First, there’s liposuction. I’ve seen the ‘before and after photos,’ watched Dr. 90210 a few times as well as the first three seasons of Nip/Tuck, and after all it can be done in a day. So why not? Well, there are some cons… I’m poor so unless I can find a surgeon to do a procedure or two for free, I’m outta luck right there. Also, I’ve never had a surgery, hate needles, and have actually seen them suck out the fat from people and let me tell you it’s not a gentle procedure. Therefore, I think I might have to eliminate liposuction from my weight loss options.
Secondly, I considered taking a diet pill but then remembered what Joe and someone at work had sent to me about the first approved weight loss pill known as Alli…check out this website and that will explain everything: http://www.thewvsr.com/alli.htm. In case you don’t have time, I’ll quote a few lines directly taken from the Alli Website providing some tips for beginning to take Alli, and how to deal with ‘treatment effects:’
- Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.
- You may get: gas with oily spotting, loose stools, more frequent stools that may be hard to control
- You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work
- You may not usually get gassy, but it’s a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens
Perhaps I do enjoy some potty humor, however, just about anyone I think would find the translations for these “treatment effects” on the website is h-y-s-t-e-r-i-c-a-l. I highly recommend reading the article. Needless to say though, as much as I’m ready to trade in my fat clothes for my skinny jeans, I think I might have to look for another option that comes without ‘an unexpected bout of the power-squirts.’
Thirdly, there’s joining shows such as ‘The Biggest Loser’. The trouble here is that I’m big, but I’m not sure if I’m big enough to get picked. I might have to gain more weight in order to get chosen to appear on the show that would help me lose weight. It seems rather ironic and may be too much of a gamble. Additionally, even if I did get picked, I couldn’t bear to put my fat ass in a pair of teeny-tiny shorts and bra top for all of America to see once a week.
I’m down to my last option…good old fashion diet and exercise. Enough said. It’s hard enough to take care of the house and kids. I’m barely staying afloat as it is. I did have success with Weight Watchers after my second child, and I’ve used their techniques this time around. However, I’m stuck around the same weight with 10 lbs left to lose. I think that means it may be time to exercise. I do have a daily routine which causes me to go up and down the stairs 438 times a day. Sometimes I like to add a small child or laundry basket as resistance. Perhaps I need to start walking or running again *sigh*.