I remember the days when all my underwear were cute, small, and composed mostly of strings. Even my workout underwear had “style” and were generally cute little bikini briefs. Those were the old days; and even though those underwear still reside in the top drawer of my dresser, they’ve had to make room in recent years for some larger, and even expandable, panties. Yes, I do mean “Granny” panties, but more specifically my big mama-jama maternity underwear. Incredibly comfortable yet totally lacking in style, these gigantic maternity panties have so much fabric that I’m sure they could function as a parachute if I ever needed to jump off a tall structure. Guaranteed never to ride up your rear these preggo panties grow with you through pregnancy and have a waistline just below your bra strap. I have quite a collection of these magical balloon-like panties since I had three babies in four years. In fact, these mega-undies are all that remain of my maternity clothing. In an effort to speed up my weight loss after having my third and final child, I gave away all my other maternity wear. For obvious reasons these underwear were not included in this wardrobe purge. Long story short, I have more than a few pairs of these over-sized and under-stylish panties.
Have you ever had a day where you just didn’t feel like trading comfort for fashion? Well recently I had one of those days…sort of anyway. I already new the exact pair of white capri pants and black shirt I wanted to wear, and as I reached into my drawer for some underwear, I pulled out two pairs of panties- both white but one pair was three times the size of the other. In an instant I thought of two things: 1) The smaller of the two pairs would surely ride up my ass all day while I was shopping and 2) If I was to wear these maternity panties no one would be the wiser. So without a moment’s more thought, I got dressed and headed out for a few items on a quick shopping trip.
Still feeling defeated from my recent attempts at finding a bathing suit, I was determined to find all that was on my list today. I moved with deliberate determination quickly through the stores, and found myself checking off one item after another from my list. Since I was making such good time (and since my birthday is next month), I ducked into a shoe store with my multiple bags to see what was on sale. I tried on a couple pars of sandals for myself, but as usual ended up grabbing some foot wear for the kids instead…but wait, just as I was heading to the counter to checkout, my eyes fixed upon a pair of Steve Madden pumps on the bottom shelf with a “Sale” sticker on them. Do I really need another pair of pumps? I don’t even leave the house…and as much as I enjoy “retro” and “vintage” style clothing, I can never imagine cooking or cleaning in pumps as my Grandmothers had done back in the 1950′s…these and a dozen other thoughts raced through my mind as I held the three boxes of children’s shoes, the half dozen bags from my day’s shopping so far, and my stylish yet awkwardly large purse as I bent over to examine just how on “sale” these shoes were. Barely staying balanced I remained close to the floor, almost squatting, reading the sticker’s original price, sale price and tallying the percentage I’d be saving by purchasing these fantastic shoes. I was so engulfed in my math that I almost did not hear the snickering behind me. There were three young men, no more than fourteen, who were not so subtly staring in my direction. Perhaps a more confident me would have thought them checking me out, but if my recent run in with the law (see my previous posting) had taught me anything, it was that people were probably laughing at me, not with me. I heard some snickering and inaudible conversation, but managed to grab one word. “Underwear.” My attention immediately shifted to myself, and I felt the source of their laughter. In my attempts to carry too many bags, boxes, and justify a unneeded pair of shoes all while squatting, my shirt had ridden up in the back exposing my giant underpants. Generally, with my shirt so far up my back I might have noticed the feeling of “air” on my bare skin, but because my giant underwear were reaching nearly to my bra strap, I felt nothing but fabric. Shit! I manged to pull my shirt down without dropping any bags or boxes, gave them a dirty look, and walked past them (without my the Steve Maddens) to the counter, nose in the air.
So much for fabulosity again today…here’s to hoping for a bit of grace tomorrow.
*These maternity underwear, available at Motherhood Maternity, come up pretty high on a pregnant belly, and up to your collar bone on a none pregnant person.
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Oh I hate it when kids laugh at you. Especially when they’re not your own! Don’t you just want to grab them by the ears and haul them off to their mothers. Glad your skirt wasn’t flipped up! And I bought comfortable shoes this week….I felt good and bad about that decision.
Congrats on the new site…lots of fun.
No shame in comfy shoes…unless we’re talking about orthopedics or something…then maybe just wear them with long pants!
And I have wanted to smack other children more times than I can count…more than I even want to smack my own! These boys shut right up when I gave ‘em a look…still slightly embarrassing though : )
You have just became my absolute favorite blog ever..ever..ever!!!!
I’m glad you like it so far….check out the other pages too…super cute giveaway this week! Come back and visit again…
Have you read the shopaholic books by Sophie Kinsella? Your writing style so reminds me of her. I can actually picture the scene that you write about–funny funny. Again, you should be working on a book!
Hahahaha…you said “read and book” in the same sentence. I haven’t read a “real” book in a while…I actually have heard of those books, and have wanted to read them…maybe in a few more years : )
I’m glad you can “see” what I’m saying in my stories…people who know me well have said I write just how I talk…of course people also know me as a “story teller.” I think my kids are glad I have a new audience…better anyway, they don’t “get” me : )
Thanks for reading, and for the kind words!
Susan
Yes! Yes! Yes! I was thinking the same thing about your writing style being similar to Kinsella’s! You must read them, even if it means doing so at 3 o’clock in the morning. And then write a book!
I LOVE your blog!
Thank you, Elizabeth….and you must have gotten a sense for the length of my days by correctly guessing the only available time slot for reading being at 3am! Maybe I can find the book on tape!
Glad you liked the post…hope you’ll visit again!!
Susan
I’m gonna be honest here…I bought the thong maternity panties when I was pregnant with the twins (who are now 10 months old), and I still wear them! I love them! And they are the most comfortable undies I’ve ever worn! Sure they scrunch up a little where they are supposed to go over my non-existent big, pregnant belly, but seriously, I love them.
I knew I wasn’t the only one! : ) Although, in person, I can get very few people to admit it. I love cleaning, gardening, and working out in them too…and even though my big ‘ole mama jammas were just exposed to those teen boys, I’ll probably keep on wearing them…I’ll just be more mindful of my pants/shirt this time!
I am not pregnant yet, but plan on being in the near future. From the looks of these, and other peoples comments they seem like a winner! I will definitely be trying these out. My friends who have been pregnant have said maternity underwear are not the greatest-and havent found many they liked…so i will be getting these when the time comes-and most likely wearing them after-why buy new?!
In my recent pregnancy, I just wore low rider hiphuggers the whole time. I just couldn’t see spending the money on maternity underwear I was only going to wear for a few months (and maternity wear is so expensive!).
I still have those “string like” panties in my top drawer and I have been telling myself for over 10 years that one day I will fit back into them again. Hey, it never hurts to dream a little.
lol…me too…It’s good to have hope, I suppose. I’m pretty resolved to the fact that I’m not wearing them again!