Don’t make me regret this…

My kids hit big milestones and cash in on my bribes rewards for good behavior at the most inopportune times.  For example, when Joey finally started pooping on the potty (which came a whole year after peeing on the potty), I was 7 months pregnant with Cecilia and had 22 month old Jake in diapers too.  Joey was nearly four, I was trying to come up with ways to pay for three kids in diapers, and then it happened. It clicked, but not before I made him one last promise. As I sat with Joey, waiting it out, vowing not to let him leave the bathroom until he pooped, and then I came out with, “If you poop right now, I’ll take you to the zoo.” And so he did. A miracle of sorts. So there I was, 943lbs of hot pregnant mess, driving 40 miles to the zoo in 90 degree weather, just to push the kids (who were too hot to walk) around for an hour in a double stroller.

So yesterday, it was Jake’s turn. Months ahead of his brother, he began going on the potty and decided to cash in on a bribe from last week.  Knowing preschool would be starting this week, I was desperate. Please poop, Jake. You have to start pooping on the potty, Jake. You can’t do that in your pants at preschool, Jake. I’ll take you to the toy store, Jake; please just poop on the potty!

So yesterday, after I started feeling my first back-to-school cold settling in, Jake pooped on the potty. “Mom! Please can I go get my new toy? I really pooped on the potty!” he begged.  So although I had a low grade fever and my throat felt like I swallowed a sea urchin, I packed up the boys (there was no going with just Jake), and we headed to Toys R Us.

Once in the store neither of the boys cared much for their spending limit, and as I tried to suggest toys, they began their melt downs.  There was a lot of talking back, fighting between the two of them, and I just wandered aimlessly around the store occasionally telling them to stop it or we’d just leave.  After both boys finally picked out toys (an Animal Planet remote controlled spider for Joey and a construction set with 2 billion pieces for Jake), we made our way to the front.

As I fought through the fog settling in my head, Jake suddenly stopped in his tracks. “I want this one, Mom” Jake said seeing the new Imaginext Toy Story 3 play set.  “No way, Jake. That toy costs three times as much as the one you have. That might be a good gift to ask Santa to bring you this year” I reasoned.

Upon hearing my explanation, Jake decided to throw his box on the floor and start crying.  I slowly bent down, grabbed his arm, and told him through my teeth, “Don’t make me regret this, Jacob. I will leave here right now with no toys. I’d pick up that box if I were you and keep walking.”

Jake, not willing to call my bluff, grabbed the box and with his head down, walked to the front of the store.  After ringing us up, the chipper young lady told the boys she thought they must be really good to be able to come and get new toys.  She then asked if it was their birthdays or some other special day. Jake looked at the girl, looked at me, and replied, “Nope. I already had my birffday. I got a new toy cause I shit on the potty.”

The girl, not knowing whether to laugh or not, just stared at me until I said, “it’s a big win for us.”

As I strapped Jake in his seat, now fully feverish and totally exhausted, he looked at me smugly, then smiled and said, “I said ‘shit’ to that girl, Mom.”

“Yes, Jake, I know” I sighed. I don’t even think I corrected him. Actually, I know I didn’t; I was too sick to correct him.

So today, as Jake continues to shit poop on the potty, I’m ultimately thankful.  However, I am reminding myself to not resort to these bribes rewards if I don’t think I’ll be ready to cash in on them at the drop of a hat.  I also don’t want them holding out to do something that they should be doing for a toy or trip to the zoo either.

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