Do you know why this October is significant? Do you think it’s because this October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in 1 month? This happens once in 823 years. Pretty freaking special, huh? Well, that’s not it. This October is my every other October. Six Octobers ago I became pregnant with my oldest, Joey. Four Octobers ago I became pregnant with Jake. Two Octobers ago I became pregnant with Cecilia. I blame the harvest moon or something out there in the cosmos, but whatever it is, this is my month.
Here we are again. Fifteen months after I had a baby, and even though I had my husband neutered last December, I fear maybe it didn’t “take.” And this Mama isn’t taking any chances. I’m ready to revert back to the husband/wife separate beds from the 1950’s…at least until November 1st.
Today, I found myself shuttering when I looked in the mirror. Perhaps it is because of the 27+ months of maternity wear that I endured over the last six years, but I had a flash back when I put on my shirt today. No, no. It’s not a maternity shirt. After my daughter was only a month old, I got rid of all of it..every single maternity item. It was my way of saying to myself 1. You will not be getting pregnant again if for no other reason that now you have nothing to wear and 2. You better hurry up and lose weight because all your comfy maternity clothes are g-o-n-e.
So as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, for a moment I wondered if this shirt had somehow managed to stay hidden from my maternity-wear purge last fall. I removed my shirt, unsure of myself, and verified it was a “normal” shirt, the Baby Doll tee, from Victoria’s Secret. This is their actual description of the tee:
“From our Daily Tees Collection. The most fashionable fit, day in and day out. V-neck. Long-sleeves. Empire waist… A wardrobe essential, perfect under cardigans, layered with other tees or on its own…Made from 100% pure cotton for a smooth, soft feel and a sexy fit.”
Um, okay. So why do I get the feeling like I look pregnant in this thing? Many of the maternity shirts are made with empire waists, so I’m not sure if I’m having a wardrobe flash back, or if I’m wearing a style that just makes me look pregnant. I’m also on high alert code red this month given its significance, so that may be influencing my perception of myself in the Baby Doll tee. After three kids, I also worry my body type has changed. I’m not big in to fashion (obviously) given my lifestyle, but I’m wondering if I’m choosing unflattering clothing for my shape…which is a circle (just ask Joey).
I’d ask my husband, but he always gives the “safe” husband answer of “you look fine,” and I’d ask my best friends, but they lie. I know it’s to be nice, but they always do and that doesn’t really help me at all. I need a fabulous and fashionable gay man to tell me the truth. I have a good male friend who happens to be gay. He used to tell me when I looked fabulous or when my poor choices in attire were “tragic.” I always knew good or bad he was being honest. I miss him; He lives in NYC now. When I was eight months pregnant and nearing the size of an orca whale, I tried to cheer myself up with a new pair of sandals. I met him for lunch the next day and asked him what he thought of my obviously fantastic selection in footwear. He scooted his chair next to me, hugged me, and took my hands in his. Then he told me the shoes were fabulous, but the cankles were not. Now that is a best friend. Anyway, I have no one now who will tell me the truth, so if you see me walking around, knowing it’s my October, I’ll save you the awkward conversation. No, I’m not expecting.
p.s. Thanks to Alison for the trivia about this October; I totally stole that from your Facebook status:)
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