After an overwhelming response to the post, “How One Pair of Men’s Extra Large Thong Underwear Sparked a Holiday Tradition” I decided that since I had already selected my horrible gifts for this year’s exchanges that I will help you all out as well. I complied a list of terrible gifts which i came across this year in search of my own bad gift ideas. Keep in mind, these can be made even more awkward when given to a family member like Grandma or a coworker. Many of you, as in a surprising number, asked where I found Ramon. Unfortunately, I purchased him nearly seven years ago, and I am not willing to face the visual atrocities that befell me the last time I Googled “male blow up doll.”
You’re all on your own if you want to explore that avenue.
So without further adieu, in no particular order, here are some terrible gifts for you to give loved ones this holiday:
The Companion Pillow
This pillow, which is fashioned in the shape of a man’s arm, brings new meaning to the word, ‘lonely.’ For the low, low price of $39.95 you can bring the feeling of comfort and a warm embrace to your solitary friends or family. Be sure to attach the phone number of a good therapist or perhaps a gift certificate to E-Harmony as well. It’s really the least you could do in the event that they might actually need or want this gift. Click here to purchase Boyfriend Pillow ® aka The Original Arm Snuggle Companion Pillow
Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye
Imagine Grandma’s Delight or the sheer joy on a coworkers face when they unwrap their very own box of Betty Beauty’s Pubic Hair Dye. Whether you have a “blond” friend who needs a little help matching her curtain to her drapes (if you know what I’m saying), or if you think having hot pink pubes is, well, hot, then Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye is the gift for you. In case you want to stock up, or try a few colors there’s plenty of colors and sales here: Betty Beauty Betty Color for the Hair Down There Coloring Kit
Does your man’s corporate day job leave you fantasizing about a tougher tatted man? Problem solved with the tattoo sleeves! Your man can sport his suit by day and these sexy tattoo sleeves by night,or maybe your Grandpa has always wanted to go a little wild. Really, who wouldn’t love this gift- and all for less than $20 (while the sale lasts!) Buy yours here: Temporary Fake Slip on Tattoo Arm Sleeves
A Yodeling Pickle
Just when you thought yodeling couldn’t get any better, now there’s the new Yodeling Pickle. Press a button and yodel along, all for $15.25! This one is a real holiday steal! You can click to here to purchase your Yodelling Pickle.
The Diva Cup
That yodeling pickle got me thinking about going “green,” so this next item shows your recipient that you love the environment just as much as you love them. And really, what doesn’t say love like a reusable cup you use during your period? I’d write more but I don’t want to spoil the details. Get yourDiva Cup
Knitting with Dog Hair (book)
This might be stating the obvious, but as the author of this book so frankly said, “Better a sweater from a dog you know and love than from a sheep you’ll never meet.” Enough said. Order your copy before they’re gone on Amazon!
Kush Pillow for Boobs
I recently added pillows to my Holiday Shopping Guide which is filled with gifts people would actually love to get. This pillow is made for a very targeted audience: the large breasted side sleeper (women and men with moobs too). I myself am a bit chesty and would love to shove this swimming pool noodle between the girls before I went to bed. I mean, this will redefine sleeping for the big breasted side sleepers of the world! It be great at an office, family or friend gift exchange too. Order your Kush Pillow here!
White Stretch Bikini Jeans
These white bikini jeans would be a hit at the office party…talk about casual Fridays! Hot! Just do not pair with the Hot Pink Pubic Hair Dye. I’m sure it would show through and that would just be tacky. Order yours right from the designer: http://www.sannas.jp/main/en/pants-jeans/bikini-pants.html
Now believe it or not, these Sauna Inflatable weight loss pants are no longer mass produced. However, I did see several Ebay and Etsy listings with the pants. Gift the gift of good health to those you love this year.
Perfect for people with dogs, and I bet if the recipient of this thoughtful gift didn’t have a dog already, they would run out and get one. Maybe the shameful act of picking up Dog poop was just too embarrassing for them before. Now, they can hold their head high as they walk their dog around town with a plastic bag adhered to its asshole. Who’s the master now? Order yours: http://pootrap.com/us/buynow//catalog/index.php?cPath=21&osCsid=2bc796bd6aa8e2255ba4dc2c6f8dd7c7