Kids or Jerks? You be the Judge…

I’ve explored how some behaviors when exhibited by a toddler or young child (we’ll say under 8yrs old) are considered appropriate because of the child’s age. However, if you imagine these same behaviors being exhibited by an adult, you’d probably agree and say they were a real jerk.

Am I saying all toddlers and young children are jerks?


Am I saying just because someone is four years old they can’t sometimes act like an jerk regardless of whether their actions are considered age appropriate?

Oh, I think anyone can be a jerk…

Now, as many of you know, I live with three jerks small children.  Whether it be for emotional support or to feel better about my own situation, I tend to hang out with other people that have jerks small children too.  With so much interaction with little people, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that my list keeps growing.  I’ve added to this several times.  This concept, I have a feeling, will be an ongoing feature.

So what you need to do as you read this list is take a moment and imagine each behavior acted out by a small child as well as by an adult….what would you say? Typical toddler? Just a jerk ? You be the judge.

Toddlers vs. Jerks

1.  Someone who spits chewed food into your hand

2.  Someone who picks their nose and puts it on a wall, a school bus seat, or a friend

3.  Someone who coughs in your mouth while you are talking

4.  Someone who participates in a “farting contest” until they poop in their pants

5.  Someone with uncontrollable legs that kicks your car seat for the duration of the ride

6. Someone who unfolds and/or dumps clean folded laundry

7.  Someone who touches and fingers food on your plate without invitation to do so

8.  Someone who draws with crayons/markers/pens all over tables/desks/walls/doors/floors/self/siblings

9.  Someone who pees in the backyard rather than take two minutes to use an indoor toilet

10.  Someone who fills up a watering can in the toilet and calls it “helping”

11.  Someone comes in your room at 6am, on a Saturday, wakes you up by jumping on your bed and demands that you immediately get up and make them breakfast.

12.  Someone starts screaming at the top of their lungs in the middle of the night. You frantically go to find out what’s happened only to be told they are thirsty and want a cup of juice.

13.  Someone goes to the bathroom and calls you to come wipe their butt when they’ve finished pooping.

14.  You try to take someone by the hand to guide them in a particular direction and they instantaneously lose all muscle control and become totally limp.  You must now drag said person to the place you were trying to go.

15.  Someone, even though they can use utensils, throws forks and spoons on the floor and eats with their bare hands.  This includes foods like cereal with milk and macaroni & cheese.

16.  This same person will often rub their food into the table and chair, throw some on the floor, rub some in their hair, and occasionally on anyone sitting within arm’s reach.

17.  Inside voice? What’s an inside voice?  The quieter the place, the louder this person talks.

18.   You are in a public place such as a restaurant. The time comes to leave and this person throws an epic fit. They scream, they yell, they cry. They demand you stay and refuse to listen, quiet down, oh, and they go limp…again.

19.  Someone takes their personal belongings and randomly dumps it all over the floor all around your house.  When you ask them to pick up their stuff they ignore you, say something “smart,” or begin crying.  You end up picking up their personal belongings.

20.  Someone tells secrets, lies, or personal information about you to total strangers.  For example, they could answer your door and tell the UPS man that you are unable to come to the door because you are currently busy pooping.  There’s no good reason for that.

A new meal time tradition! Feet on table, placemat, cup, plates, utencils, etc. on the floor. Good times, good times.

Do you know any jerks?  Leave me a comment & let me know!

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  1. says

    I have two jerks/little kids that have done every single of those things on your list! And people/hubbies wonder why we’re so frazzled by the end of the day!

  2. says

    I think my guys did almost all of these yesterday alone. Its a good thing they cant talk very well yet because I’m sure they’d add #20 to the mix….

  3. Deirdre says

    My 17-month old son can be a “jerk”. At a family barbeque he was given some cake with icing and he took a huge handful, smeared it all over my pants then rubbed it in. When he was satisfied he had caked it in really good into my pants he smeared the left-overs on my sister’s boyfriend’s pants.

  4. Tarina says

    Im a big fan of the jerk who thinks that your “If you continue to do that, your life will end.” face is the funniest he’s ever seen, and proceeds to do nothing BUT that until said life is in jeopardy. (Goes along with the seat kicking, cup banging, Loud yelling, Pan banging, Toilet flushing, Punching the baby. You get the idea!!)

  5. Billie says

    I have 2 children who only temporarily become jerks as u put it but i beleive my kids actions are all aceptable with their age! I would never call my kids jerks!

  6. Melinda says

    My oldest, when she was 6, was throwing a fit one day at a store because I would not let her get a toy. As we were walking away from the register pulled her arm from me and yelled as loud as she could, “I don’t want to go with you!” Wow, was all I had and it took everything within me to refrain from making an even bigger scene. I laugh now, 2 years later. I know both my kids have done all of the above. Sweet little angels they are. *cough, cough* 😉

  7. Kate says

    I have 2 little jerks/children. I’ve experienced 18 out of 20 form that list. Deirdre, your post made me hoot juice out of my nose, laughing. My eldest’s favourite thing to do is say the opposite to you, just to be a jerk. My youngest like to see how big she can make snot bubbles out her nose. Both find people hurting themselves to be hysterically funny. I tripped up the front steps holding 2 bags of groceries and skinned my knee. Neither child (or my husband, for that matter) could stop laughing long enough to help me. I though that was a totally jerky thing to do :(

  8. Kristy Lee says

    I must be one tyrant of a mother then, because my 3-year-old has never done anything on this list. And if she did, she knows that she would only get to do it once.

  9. Renee says

    Interesting….I read this list with my kids (7 & 9 years old), and then we tried to decide whether the two of them were toddlers or jerks. Lol!!

  10. Melissa Bielazcyc says

    Hahah. loved this! I have 2 of these… 2 and 3… Nice to know I am not alone.

  11. Mary says

    I was forced recently to take my 3 yr old to calling hours for my friend’s grandmother. During “a moment of quiet reflection” he loudly announced “I eat boogies!” Jerk! lol But I love my little jerk!

  12. Nanci A. See says

    Ok, firstly this made me laugh so hard.

    It would seem I live with two full time twin “jerks” (both girls around the terrible toddlers stage of almost 2yrs old) and two older step-“jerks” during summer vacation (one 9 the other 10…both boys)

    My twin “jerks” have taken to distant spitting food that doesnt meet thier high toddler standards and edable (meaning they will see just how far and what they can hit with it…so far our record is on brother’s plate sitting on the other side of the table..the object was a piece of green bean)

  13. Samantha says

    Lol this was hilarious because I know how every single one of those feels and looks. My 2 1/2 old daughter is too smart. She loves to call me and my husband an a*shole if we refuse to give her candy/ice cream instead of the lunch we took time to prepare for her. She also insists on telling us to shut up and not talk to her if we tell her no. Loves to laugh at me when I reprimand her for doing something bad that she knows she isnt suppose to do but does it while looking and laughing right at you… God I love being a mommy.

    • Samantha says

      Oh she also loves to steal things like make-up, money and other important things from my purse, hides them in her room and then completely forgets where she has put these things. She recently has taken a liking to hitting and smacking… was in Wesco and she wanted candy.. I said no she could have some when we got home if she was good… while holding her in my arms she screamed at the top of her lungs kicked me and then turned her body around just to smack me in the face… I was mortified because the store was packed and everyone was staring…. @.@

  14. Paula says

    I have two of them the oldest has yelled out my pin at the bank machine and then threw a hissy fit about waiting for me in line to change my pin. My youngest has managed to get her little hands on the ketchup bottle I wonder how many other moms have yet to mop their ceiling. They may be cute little jerks but I wish they never grew up and stayed this way forever!

  15. Sharron says

    My little jerk/little angel likes to randomly take off her diaper. Even when she has poop… yes poop. I can’t tell you how much carpet cleaner I’ve gone through lol. Were potty training and SHE WILL NOT POOP in the potty ONLY in the diaper. Also as soon as I get her clothes off before bath time she runs away stark naked singing “booty booty booty” lol. I love her sweet little face :) no matter how jerky she is!

  16. sami says

    my son is 2 and has done everything on that list. he has painted our patio doors in a wonderful concoction of mushy dog food and yogurt, escaped his crib and painted the double bed in his room with the remnants of his diaper, and fed our 2 dogs everything on his plate. and I wouldnt change anything about it. Because as mad as I get at the time, telling the stories afterward is great entertainment.

  17. Jiya says

    Oh, man. I can’t even count the number of times each of my children has done this one — “Someone who unfolds and/or dumps clean folded laundry” — but you forgot to add they shout “dirty, dirty, dirty” while doing so. With respect to #17, I run into dozens of those people on my commute to/from work each day — and no, they’re not toddlers.

  18. Nongxelo says

    My 4yr old does most of the things here and it drives the sister reali MAD..even me too they are times i get very cross with her.

  19. Renee says

    Someone who announces they are finnished eating by throwing all left over food, plates, utincels, and cups on the floor.

  20. Me24 says

    Caught wind of your site froma friend and I love it! My son just turned 3 and I have a whole lot you could add to your list lol. Me and my friend just call them the rules of parenting lol. Such a rule # (make up a number) You can not paint the dog with birthday cake and ketchup! Love this site by the way!