“Mom? Where are you? Mom, hellooooo? Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Jake called without taking a breath. I held mine.
“Don’t even breathe, Susan…just be still,” I cautioned myself knowing my serenity was hanging by a string. I wondered what they wanted already. I had only enjoyed a quick check of my email, a half a glass of wine and maybe three potato chips before they came calling. “Ask your friggin father!” I silently commanded.
As their footsteps became more distant, I thought perhaps I was safe. I smiled victoriously to myself, took another sip of wine and bit into one of my delicious potato chips. It was the loudest potato chip ever.
“Ah-ha!” My husband yelled. “I found her, boys! She’s in here.”
“You’re an ass,” I said.
“You’re terrible at hiding. I already used this spot yesterday,” my husband replied.
I thought that I had found a great hiding place in my kid’s tee-pee , and while they were playing Wii, I was sitting enjoying some peace and quiet. However, since my husband gave up my location my Mommy-timeout was short lived. With my bathroom door lock broken, my tee-pee hideout discovered, I’ll be scouting out my next quiet spot. If it wasn’t 14 degrees I’d try the garage or attic, but in the meantime, it’s going to have to have heat.
Mommy timeout
"If you tell those damn kids where I am, I swear I'll kick your..."
Shhhhhhh!
Got any tips for me? Where’s your favorite hiding spot? I promise I won’t tell…leave me a comment! I’d love to hear from you!
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I’ve found that if I hide in one of my kid’s beds, they never find me. Their bedrooms are the last place they would ever think to look.
I didn’t even consider that, Katy! i bet they wouldn’t either! I’ll be testing it tomorrow I’m sure!
I find that if I look like I am ready to do chores around the house everyone leaves. My husbands way of avoiding chores is to offer to take our child out and keep her out of my way. After they leave the house its pure bliss.
I raise my glass of wine to you, Lady! Right now, Wee ‘Burb can’t get out of her crib. But she can sure get me moving when she wants attention. And there’s nowhere to hide, really, because she wants her mommy.
I dread when she can come and get me. This is a good reminder to find a good spot. Or buy her a tee-pee.
Well, I’d never, and I mean never, get away with that if my daughter was awake either…she was napping and I thought the boys were being entertained by their Dad….I still don’t know why they were even looking for me…they “forgot” after they found me. Something tells me they could sense I was relaxing. But seriously, work on a good spot now…or several!
Haha well that is too good to not hide in. You could always use the technique my sister used when we played hide and seek, “if you happen to see this blanket somewhere, please don’t look under it!”
LOL…my kids are still young enough to fall for something like that! I just may try it!!
Ooooh, good idea. The tent…. I’m sure I’ll get busted quickly. It’s like they have a sixth sense about where you are.
Love the photos!
If you were in the tent folding clothes they’d leave you alone probably…if you’re relaxing, that’s when that sixth sense kicks in!!
Glad you liked the pictures
You need to fix your bathroom lock! That is the key to ALL happiness. Just tell your hubby you have REALLY bad diarrhea and that you need some privacy. I, myself, have “REALLY bad diarrhea” AT LEAST once a week
Amie, is it a bad sign when you wish for I.B.S.??? lol….I’m allergic to wheat, so I suppose, if I become desperate enough I could go eat something full of gluten, lose a few pounds, and get some peace and quiet…although, I’m not sure I’d get the peace and quiet so there’s no sense chancing the other stuff! Dammit!
Great advice though…and I sooooo need the door lock fixed!!!
LOL! I love it and I love the pics! No tips for you though, my son’s still a baby so I’m trained to go running at the sound of “mamamamamamama!”
LOL….well, get back to me in three years. I’m sure you’ll at least tried a few hiding spots by then!
I have two home sick with the flu:-( I would give anything for a glass of wine and a good spot to escape the constant whining. You definitely need to fix that bathroom door lock. A good bubble bath will do wonders for the soul!
Yuck! Hope they are feeling better soon (and that you don’t get it)….and after two kids home sick with the flu, that earns you at least 2 glasses (bottles) of wine!
And a bubble bath….wouldn’t that be divine….that’s the stuff dreams are made of….
Once, when my kids were all standing in front of me screaming I just stood very, very still, closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing. My thinking was that, like the T-Rex, they may not see me if I don’t move. When I opened my eyes they were still there, of course, but at least they were distracted enough to forget what they were yelling about.
Typically, I just hide in my bathroom or closet and tell them that if they come in they are going to see all kinds of mommy tushy, and other lady parts. With 3 boys that usually does the trick. God knows they don’t want to see their mom naked! By the way, I tried to grab your button, but I can’t “right click” to copy and paste? Am I doing something wrong?
LOL…well, I can’t wait for my kids to care if I’m naked. They haven’t learned the shame of it yet, and at 5, 3,1 I’m usually fighting them to keep clothes on. If they’re awake, I swear I can’t make it through a shower without someone bursting in and requesting something. My response is usually “does it look like I’m in the position to get you juice/find your toy/get you a snack???” They just don’t get it (or care). *Sigh* It will be such a joyous day when I can pee/poop/shower in peace. It’s the little things in life….
I think I may have to try the standing still with my eyes closed…although whenever I ignore them, they just get louder.
Oh, and I have to get my IT guy (husband) to fix the double click thing. I have like 5 weird websites that steal my posts …go figure? Anyway, I have to turn off the right click thingy now cause they still copy my stuff anyway.
LMAO! This is AWESOME.
Not too awesome…they found me!
I can SO relate. I audibly laughed when I saw the pics.
I am actually currently in the search of a good hiding space. Between my 10 year old who continuously runs in the room, speaking at a speed that no human being could possibly keep up with, and starting mid-sentence no less, my almost 2 year old that follows me to the bathroom, and is freakishly too strong to be contained in any crib, and my 2 month old that I swear can smell when I’m more than 10 feet away, I find it pretty difficult.
I do find myself begging to take our do to pee a lot more lately though. I may be using that diarrhea idea really soon too.
Thanks for the laugh…. and great blog!
I envision frustrated alone-time-deprived Moms across the globe suddenly all coming down with Irritable Bowel Syndrome! LOL!! It is a great idea in that, at least in my house, there are very few things that earn me time to go off on my own!!
If you have any luck with a hiding spot, feel free to share…and if taking the dog out is working, I may have to get a dog!!
Oh my….who are you and where have you been my whole motherhood life? Too funny. I’m going to google tee-pees for my own private in-home resort right now!
Maybe that’s the trick, Carla! You need a bunch of tee-pees, that way they’re not sure where you’re hiding! We’re three days later and I’m still without a quiet place…I even tried standing in the shower with all my clothes on and the curtain shut and they found me! Buggers! Keep me posted if you come up with a good spot!
cute…that sounds like a familiar situation!
L.R.
http://www.boystoriesbymom.blogspot.com
Thanks…and I hope not too familiar! Although, given the response, I’m thinking of inventing a Mommy hideout of sorts…whenever I figure out a good one of my own!
Two words: Space Heater.
You might be my hero. I know what I’m asking for for Valentines Day!
Ok, I just stumbled upon your blog and am a little too tired to read so many words (reading, what’s that?!) but scrolled down the page to see this post and am laughing out loud. (No, not LOL-ing, because I’m not 25.) I only have a one year old, so I can’t empathize with you yet – but I am staying up way past everyone’s bedtime just to get a little quiet time for myself!
Red wine + Utz chips + computer = my kinda girl.
Mommy Chic
As much as I complain I never have time to read myself, you think I’d be a little less wordy in my posts….unfortunately, I write just as I talk….which is longer and more drawn out and dramatic than need be…but this is my “free” therapy….anyway, always glad to meet another red wine, Utz Chips and internet enthusiast! Glad you liked the post (you will relate one day even if you just have one kid) and I hope you come visit again!
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