When you become someone’s mother your entire world changes. You feel things you never thought possible and you do things you never dreamed that you would do before…but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Have I ever told you that green is one of my favorite colors? Well, it’s one of them. My two favorites being red and green even though I have an borderline obsession with wearing black and white. Anyway, green is everywhere this time of year.
It’s in the grass….
It’s in the trees…
In the animals who slowly awake from their winter’s slumber…
So when Joey called me to come “look at the green,” my mind was focused on the color of the season. Did he draw a Spring Landscape? Was he admiring the greening grass? Perhaps our tree buds had burst open into leaves?
As I skipped, with a “spring” in my step, and rounded the corner, all hopes of a desirable Spring scene were shattered as I saw Joey, not peering out the window or coloring in his room, but standing bare-assed in the bathroom grinning at the toilet. I sighed a terrible sigh and swiftly made my way towards the boy.
“Are you sick, Joey? Do you feel okay? Do you have diarrhea?” I quickly question.
“No, Mom. I’m totally fine. It’s just a regular poop, buuuuuut look, Mom! Look how green it is! It looks like a group of green snakes sleeping in the toilet.” Joey giggled.
Almost afraid to look, I peered cautiously over the bowl and saw the greenest bunch of turds ever. Think neon green…
You didn’t think I’d post poop pictures did you? Come on! Give me a little credit!
Anyway, this is when I share one of those motherhood lessons I’ve learned that not too many people know. When I saw Joey’s otherwise normal turds,(and here’s where you do things as a Mom you never dreamed of doing) and saw the bright green neon color I didn’t panic. In fact, I told Joey to wipe, flush and wash his hands. The I went down stairs and finished some emails. Did I do that because I’m a bad Mom? Because I don’t care about my child’s health?
The simple answer is I’ve seen it before…panicked once before….called the doctor once before….and knew we had the same situation as before. You see, Joey had recently celebrated a friend’s birthday. In honor of the celebration they ate cake. Delicious chocolate and vanilla cake with blue icing (at least the Batman part of the cake). So Joey joyfully celebrated, ate and digested the birthday cake with blue icing. The blue icing, once it goes through the digestive system, actually comes out green. Really, really green.
So, Mamas, if your child ever poops a neon green poop that glows ominously at you from the toilet, and as your heart thumps anxiously and your mind races through different ailments to reach a diagnosis, try to think of any blue or purple food coloring/dye they may have consumed. It just might save you a panic attack, and don’t worry, they most like are not radioactive.
(And because some people actually need me to write this: This post and my opinion about your child’s crap is not a substitute for real medical advice. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a licensed physician. Sometimes poopy problems can be attributed to viruses, digestive conditions, allergies and more things I am not qualified to talk to you about. If you child has a poop which concerns you, please contact your pediatrician to discuss your shitty situation.)
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