How do you say “MILF” in Spanish?

So as you’re probably already well aware, especially if you follow me on Facebook, yesterday I attended a charity event held by The Real Charitable Housewives of Delaware that benefited the Red Cross.  I managed to not spill any drinks on myself, fall while wearing my three inch heels, or do anything to attract any unwanted attention to myself.  Which, if you know me, is a real victory in itself.

My only awkward moments were while I was on the way to Salon 828 where I was treated to hair and make up before the event started.  For the first time in a long time I was running ahead of schedule.  I had showered, ironed and dressed and headed out the door.  Like Moses and the parting of the Red Sea, all the slower traffic seemed to just move out of my way on the forty mile trip north.  I passed through green light after green light, and I found myself nearly a full thirty minutes ahead of schedule.

Now seemed like a perfect time to spend a small fortune to fill up my gas tank, and at least this way I would know how much money I could use for bidding at the upcoming silent auction.  I grumbled at the nearly four dollar a gallon gas price as a swiped my debit card and begrudgingly punched my pin number on the dirty keys.  A conversation at a nearby pump became louder and as the pump counted away my budget one gallon at a time, I turned to see what the fuss was about.

Standing at Pump 5 were three men all looking in my direction.  It actually caught me so off guard to see these three strangers staring at me that I turned to look behind me. Upon turning I confirmed I was the focal point as there was no one standing behind me, and I smiled to myself as I stood there in my new red dress.  “Hot Mama,” I joked to myself.

These days I take compliments when and where I can get them. A group of dirty, old construction workers?  I say, whistle away, boys!  A gaggle of drunk fraternity brothers? Won’t here me complaining!  Or, in this case, three amigos who were “cat calling” in Spanish.  Now, I can’t be sure what the amigos were saying were definitely compliments (even though I studied Spanish a total of six years), but I’m pretty confident based on their body language (grabbing at the air and hip shaking) and the amount of times they rolled their r’s that it was totally meant to be flattering.

Although I had a silly grin to go with my red dress, I of course ignored the three amigos and headed in to the convenience store for something to snack on since I had not allotted time for lunch.  Now that I was safely zippered into my dress, I debated several convenience items like milkshakes, hotdogs and potato chips but thought I had better hold off until after the event lest I end up with the inevitable stain on the front of my fabulous new attire.

Sadly, I walked over to the area where they sell string cheese, sliced fruit and other healthy selections.  Two young men passed behind me to the milkshake area.  I half turned and gave a look of longing at the vanilla shake adorning the front of the machine, and perhaps those young men thought that glance was directed at them and not the photo of the milkshake for whom it was intended.

I returned my attention to the safe snacks and paid no mind to the young men or the milkshake machine when suddenly a husky voice, also from behind me, made me redirect my focus yet again. “Watch your mouth,” it commanded.

A man, most likely in his late thirties, wearing military clothing (probably from the nearby Army National Guard) stood behind me and to my left and he was staring at the young men at the milkshake machine.  He turned and looked at me almost protectively.  It then occurred to me they must have said something about me. “Did they says something to me?” I asked innocently.

“I think so, but either way they need to watch their mouths in front of a lady,” he seriously replied.

“What did they say?” I asked.  At least I’d know if it was complementary since they spoke English.

“It’s not something I’d choose to repeat, Ma’am,” he again replied without an ounce of humor.  He clearly was not amused although I was slightly entertained and still curious until one of the young men opened his mouth.

“Maybe you should mind your own damn business, Sir” he said sarcastically.

Now, if there’s one thing that will instantly piss me off it’s a lack of respect, especially towards those who serve (whether that be at home or abroad). Before he could even reply, I snapped in with “Maybe you should watch your mouth and show some respect whether you’re talking to him,” I pointed at the military man, “or a lady,” I pointed at myself, “you asshole.”

In retrospect the “lady” part which was initially the military man’s words and not mine, probably would have been a bit more believable had I not added the “asshole” on the end, but it just slipped out.

Anyway, it ended there. I smiled and thanked the military man, and the young punks walked off with their milkshakes which I silently wished would spill all over their car.  I went off in my red dress with nothing but a Coke and a Nature Valley Bar to have a wonderful time at the benefit for the American Red Cross.

It’s a good thing I dress like that only once every half-decade…oh, who am I kidding, I loved every minute of it!

Amber Shader of Amber Shader Photography, Holly Wayman Grist owner of Salon 828, Me, and Blake my favorite stylist from Salon 828

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Comments

  1. says

    lol, I’m always shocked when I find myself being checked out too. I guess I no longer think of myself that way, I’m the mother of three kids and it shows! But, I guess it just goes to show that if you’re a woman there’s someone that will think you’re hot! But, you did look hottt btw!

    • says

      Thanks! And I feel the same way. After kids my self perception is waaaaaaay different…I friendly cat call is almost nice every now and again. Reminds me I’m still a woman, not just a Mom.

  2. says

    It’s so funny how I used to think it was gross when people I didn’t know made comments to me about my looks (unless they were hot). Now, I will totally take it where I can get it. There’s a slimy new check-out guy at my pharmacist’s counter and he told me I had a rockin’ bod when I went in last week. This week, he asked me if I was “rockin’ that body?’ in a husky voice. Okay, it was wrong in a number of ways and gave me douche-chills but still…it’s nice to be appreciated. No?

    http://www.toulouseandtonic.com

  3. says

    I LOVE that you first point to yourself and identify yourself as a lady then totally blindside him with “Asshole”. That’s how we savvy mommies attack and squash our enemies! It’s the element of surprise that gets them! If WE had been searching for Osama Bin Laden? We would have found him like 9 years ago.

    • says

      Yeah, I’m totally classy like that. Solider cracked his first smile of the moment when I pulled that little beauty out. I think his exact words were “You look a lot more innocent in your Sunday best” …Their lucky I didn’t say “That’s how bitches get cut.” It’s my favorite ghetto saying that I like to work into conversation whenever possible. That might have been worse.

  4. says

    LOL – I haven’t been checked out in quite a long time. Thanks for the laugh – asshole was hilarious, although totally appropriate.