Friday the 13th started as most others did. The chipper chimes of my phone’s alarm annoyed me from my slumber. I begrudgingly turned on the shower and began the start of another day. This morning, in addition to being unlucky because of the date, would prove to be another busy day between schools, shopping, yard work (we expanded my garden an extra 5×20 ft), and doing some stuff for the website. At least today there were no volunteer hours or field trips which seem to take a valuable chunk of my day right out from under me.
As I lathered my hair, I thought about yesterday’s field trip to one of Delaware’s State Parks, which truth be told was more like a swamp, with Joey’s Kindergarten class. Although it was a rather short trip, just under three hours in all, the kids managed to squeeze in a lesson on the importance of trees, a quick craft, a walk through the nature center, a walk around a pond (swamp), followed a trail into the woods and finally grabbed a picnic style lunch.
When I dressed Joey that morning I put him in long pants even though the temperatures were forecast to climb in the afternoon. I choose similar attire, and as we walked through the woods and I spied patch after patch of poison ivy, I knew I made a smart decision as far as the apparel was concerned. Although, I did forget hats. Aside from the fact that ticks (and Lyme’s Disease) are prevalent here, I would have preferred an extra barrier between my head and any other creatures. I also skipped perfume and lotion, yet still managed to come come with no less that a dozen mosquito bites. I’m hoping not to be the state’s first confirmed case of West Nile Virus because I saw some of these massive blood suckers as they began feasting on my flesh. These winged beasts looked like something out of the Jurassic Period.
Anyway, I was ready to jump out of the shower when I remembered another day warm temperatures laid ahead so I broke out my shaving cream and razor and began shaving my stubbly legs. This daily shave (above the knee even) was really the only bad thing about warmer weather that I could come up with as I went up the back of my right leg and did a half turn to reach the upper part of my thigh. Just because it’s not an easy reach I looked back to be sure I covered the massive area. last thing I need is a tuft of leg hair sticking out of the back of my shorts (although it might camouflage the cellulite at least).
Ah, I had missed a spot and as the razor took the hair and cream away I saw a tiny black spot. I brushed the spot with my finger and it was smooth and slightly raised but didn’t come off. As I contorted further to inspect this freckle perhaps, it moved…and when I say it moved, I actually mean the spot crawled.
I opened my mouth to scream but no sound escaped. I then proceeded to leap into the air, however, with my body already oddly contorted I slipped and began falling out of the shower. I grasped at the liner which stopped me from tumbling out of the tub but it did tear right through the plastic where three of the rings were. That was the furthest thing from my mind though. I needed to find the creature that was on my leg. I calmed myself as best I could and tried to re-assume my previous position. I was too panicked to hold that twisted position so I quickly sat in the tub and flipped my leg over.
It was there, through the unrelenting spray of water still coming from my shower head, that I saw the tick positioned inside a dimple just south of my right ass cheek. Oh the horror! The tick had just begun to bite, and perhaps my fatty thigh, although most likely appeared delectable to the tick, was not as easy to grab so I was able to pull him off with little effort.
Being a large child trapped inside an old Mom’s body, my eyes welled with tears as I washed the tick down the drain to his watery grave. Oh, were they all over me? Where had it come from? My afro? Not caring about the time, I rinsed my hair and repeated my earlier wash. About half way through my wash I saw another on my arm. “I’m infested!!!” I cried out to no one.
This tick was even easier to remove and unlike his friend had not bitten me as of yet. “See you in hell,” I told the blood- sucker as I sent him to the same watery grave as his friend.
Needless to say, I’ve been freaking out for more than a day. My hands are constantly feeling my scalp for any abnormalities (I know, I know. The real abnormalities are beneath my scalp). I feel buggy. I feel gross. I have a growing hatred of nature. I’m left wondering what will kill me first- the Lyme’s Disease or the West Nile Virus? Then this morning I pulled a tick off of Jake who didn’t even attend the trip. It had bitten him right on middle of his chest. I’ll be checking his chest and my ass for redness and or red rings for the foreseeable future, and if this creepy crawly feeling doesn’t go away I may end up shaving my head.
Can you imagine what would happen if a bunch of bugs got into my mustache or worse yet, penetrated my afro?! It would be like a bug party and I'd have to shave it off and just start over. I may be posting bald pictures soon.
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I have the creepy crawlies now.
I still do! I’m freaking out. I keep looking at my own ass and Jake’s chest. I hate bugs….especially the kind that carry disease and drink your blood! Blaaah!
This is so horrible to read, especially the day before I have to go visit my parents who live in the middle of nowhere…seriously think Wrong Turn and you will have a small glimpse of what I am dealing with tomorrow
OMG, I’m itchy all over now!!! Yuck… I may have to go scrub myself raw from head to toe just to make the creepy crawlies go away!
I apologize…if it makes you feel any better, I’m going crazy in my skin right now. I need a Benadryl Cocktail asap!
Oh man I can feel my skin & scalp tingling just thinking about it
I.can’t.stop.itching. I think i need something stronger than Benadryl!
Perhaps i need to lay off the Backyardigans for a while cause i could totally hear the song “What’s buggin you” as soon as i saw your title. {Do you have a pesky pest?}
ANYWAY, i totally shivering with your story cause i sure know that feeling. Lets just say, never wear a long flowey hippie skirt on a nature walk. We spent like 70% of the evening after pulling those suckers off us. Never again!
Lisa- I’m almost embarrassed to admit that’s where I got my title! The Backyardigans are a favorite of my younger two and we have 12 or so on the DVR….one of which is “What’s bugging you” episode. Unfortunately for me, it’s not just a worm!
And although a nice long hippie skirt sounds lovely on a walk out in nature, I can imagine it could backfire! That would have scarred me for life!
I can tell you I’ll never forget a hat again!!
THIS is exactly why i am against being outside in any wooded area, hell i am almost against being outside PERIOD. With the fear of viruses from bugs and such, UGH!!!! I can not stand bugs anyways, I FREAK OUT! I hate them sooooo much, so needless to say, My poor kids. LOL
LOL, Tiffany! My husband says he’s surprised I leave the house sometimes! Good thing for my kids they never listen to me anyway
All three love being outside, touching bugs, getting dirty…I try to consider it “exposure therapy” although I don’t think it’s going well for me! 
Yuck! Sorry about the bugs! I would have passed out. Seriously love your blog!
Thanks, Lori! Glad you’re enjoying the blog! I appreciate the bug condolences …I haven’t found any more, but I’m still itching!
I feel for you, I really do! I have to tell you, when I first discovered your blog I read a bunch of archives. When I came across the “Germs/Diaper peeing post, I just had to post it to my FB page… The caption read like this; “Oh dear god, she got in my head and wrote about me! I’m not the only freak! Hurrah! Hurrah!” For the record, I have not yet peed in a diaper, but the rest of it? We are definitely kindred spirits!
Emma, I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog, and I’m always happy to find another kindred spirit! Although, I hate to tell you, you may need to get some counseling! I know I probably should! lol Hope you continue to enjoy the blog, and thanks for sharing a post (and I hope you never have to pee in a diaper!)
I didn’t even realize at first, as I was reading, I had one hand scratching my head. It’s all itchy now. New Zealand has a huge nit (head lice) problem in the schools. It’s so bad here that the nit shampoo’s run television commercials. I think ticks would be worse. On the bright side, it made for a great blog post
I didn’t mention here on the blog, but once or twice on my Facebook page, that there is an “outbreak” of lice in Joey’s class. So far it’s been all the girls, so I’m hoping with short hair we can make it until the end of the year without bringing it home. Apparently it is resistant to the RID (which is the nit shampoo over the counter brand here). So most of the kids who have had it (this started at the beginning of April) have now had it multiple times and required a prescription to get rid of the bugs….Joey is sporting a super short cut and I’m counting down the last 17 days of school left! Every time I volunteer or spend more than 10 minutes in his class I start itching
And ticks are gross, carry a lot of disease, but at least there is normally just one. Lice laying eggs and all…ACK!
But at least it is bloggable!
Thanks for the comment!
Lice? Is this what I have to look forward to? My girls are 25months and 11 months, and I panic at Kindergym because of all the potential germs and nastiness. I might have to home school them
OMG! I’m so sorry for the evil bug attack! I can sympathize, as the swampy air we swim in here in AL breeds huge insects that live to suck out your brains. Nature sucks! Thanks for the hilarious post, though!
Thanks, Cindy. I’m recovering from the attack, but I know the war isn’t over….you probably have to deal with bugs much longer than here in DE, so stay safe! Glad you enjoyed the post! Thanks for the comment!
I cannot imagine the horror you must be going through. I wouldn’t be able to rest until I combed the house top to bottom (which I am sure you have already done being that you are just like me) and made sure all offending bugs were gone. I hope everything is fine with you and your family.
Thanks, Mandy. I think they;re all gone, unless there are any hiding out in my hair (which I haven’t totally ruled out yet). I did do a top to bottom cleaning of the house over the weekend, even washed jackets and book bags (Joey’s class has a lice problem for the last 6 weeks too- THANK GOD we’ve missed that one- so far!)….but the house is clean…bug free for now! That is hopefully my last trip to the swamp for a while!
My parents put the fear of ticks in us from the time we were little kids. They used to tell me that the ticks would burrow under my skin and swim around under the surface. For years I suspected that any bump or pimple on my body was surely a tick swimming by. Only a year or two ago, I finally convinced them (I think) that the ticks only latch on and suck and don’t actually use my body as an olympic swimming pool.
I still remember nightly checks from my parents when we were out camping. They would feel through our hair and do a full body check. I was convinced that one of the star athletes had already burrowed in and they wouldn’t be able to see it.
Nasty little creatures!
Ohhh. Gross. I hate ticks too and the worst is they leave a bump for weeks after you pick them off. Nasty!
When my son was a baby and I was on maternity leave home alone with him I found a tick in a similar spot on my behind. I started sobbing and called my mom, in Chicago, who could not help. I literally took a shot of a tequila, a well positioned mirror and had to pull it out.
It was an AWFUL experience.
Also, reminds me of my recent blog post about the giant spider I found in my tub.
I swear, I’m still traumatized by this. Seriously.
And I’m almost afraid to read your giant spider post. I killed what appeared to be a tarantula in my downstairs bathroom last week.
Have I mentioned how much I hate bugs! I feel bad that you had to remove it yourself….for me it wasn’t biting at least.
Okay, I’m itching again….
Sounds like good ol’ Abbott’s Mill (I’m in Southern DE). I remember being FREAKED out by the bugs when I went on a field trip there as a child. On a side note, when we did an overnighter at Redden State Forest, my teacher LICKED A SLUG! Gross.
Not to freak you out, but my husband did contract Lyme’s Disease a few years ago from a nasty dear tick at Killen’s Pond. I hope all of you are ok. Get some super strong bug spray!!
This was actually Blackbird State Forest, but many of these places are interchangeable!
And thank you, I think we’re in the clear. The doctor, who I called about the tick bites, said it’s usually within 14 days that symptoms appear. Luckily, no redness/rings at the bite and nothing else since then.
And one last thing, the slug licking!!! Ahhh!! I thought it was bad when my dog used to eat them!