Jun 272011
 

I’m really struggling with using the term “vacationing” to describe what my family and I are doing this week. Yes, we are at the beach in a resort area.  Yes, we are participating in leisurely activities like swimming, playing on the beach and at the pool, going to bonfires on the beach, playing games and enjoying rides at the boardwalk, yet saying that I’m “vacationing” might imply to some that there is relaxation going on as well.

The reality of it is there is even less sleep, more activity, and the struggle to clean up after three kids in someone else’s house.  Although I have a beach chair, it does little for me other than add to the scenery and is not so much something I use to relax and unwind on the beach.  Forget bringing a book to read (one of my favorite beach activities in what feels like a former life), and napping on the beach is a far fetched dream (even for the kids).  There’s way too much other stuff going on like swimming, collecting shells, digging holes and making sand castles and taking walks.  Then there’s the other really fun stuff like packing, applying (and reapplying) suntan lotion, sandy diapers, sandy mouths, and carrying bags/toys/chairs/coolers.  Which reminds me, when I was younger I had one bag and one chair.  My bag had a towel, water, snack, book, and suntan lotion.  Now when we go to the beach we have:

  • Beach towels for five
  • Beach blanket
  • Lotions ranging from SPF 50 to 15
  • Regular diapers, wipes and ointment (sand in the pants can cause some serious chafing)
  • Swim diapers
  • Change of clothes for each kid
  • Wallet, keys, cell phones
  • Sand toys (42 buckets, 37 shovels/rakes, watering cans, sifters, other assorted items)
  • Beach blanket toys (coloring books, crayons, reading books, cards, hand held games)
  • Cooler with water, juice, juice boxes, soda, (beer/wine), sandwiches
  • Assorted snacks like cookies, crackers, chips
  • Beach Umbrella
  • Beach chairs

Total time to pack, dress and lather kids with lotion: 1-2 hours

Total time on beach:  1-3 hours

Although I am already exhausted and we still have a week remaining, I’m going to enjoy myself if it kills me.  Some of my favorite childhood memories were from time spent on family “vacations,” and there’s a special feeling watching my kids enjoying summer and loving life at the beach:

 

Cookie face at the beach

Even brothers are best friends on the beach

 

So for now I’ll be enjoying my vacation while  trying to find a more appropriate term for the self-induced stress, sleep deprivation, and paradoxical fun we’ll be having the rest of the week.  And to quote one of the greatest characters of all time:

“Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun.  You’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes!” ~Clark W. Griswold from “Vacation”

Do you have a better fitting term for what I and countless others are partaking in this summer?  Leave me a comment!

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Jun 232011
 

A few weeks ago, after reading an article on Babble that featured a birthing doll, many of you had the same reaction I did…WTF?  Not surprisingly, however, I got some feedback from a few of my free spirited Mom readers who were raving about this crocheted nightmare.  It really got me thinking though…what was I so afraid of (aside from her missile-like breasts,  knit and unkempt pubic hair, and the child emerging from her va-jay-jay that resembled Bert from Sesame Street)?

Well, clearly I’m just not mature enough (or brave enough) to use an unconventional method to teach my kids about sex…oh, God!  One day I am  going to have to have the talk.  What’s the best approach?  Because my kids are so young (currently all under six), I have plenty of time to prepare (I hope).  I can tell you though, I may need some practice (and maturity) to use any of the following when it comes time to talk about the birds and the bees.  Might I add, if you use or like any of these products, I’m totally happy for you.  I’m glad you have something that works for you.  I’m not judging, and we’ve already covered that I’m immature and these make me laugh so feel free to not email, comment or write me a letter.

Without further adieu, I present:

Top 5 Unconventional Sex Education Products/Methods

1a. Birthing Dolls: She’s baaaaaaaaack! In the event you missed this thing the first time around when I posted it on Facebook or recently when she graced my post, Be Afraid- Be Very Afraid, here she is one more time.  Apparently, this doll retails for $150.00 on Etsy.  Personally, this terrifies me on a number of levels and I can’t see using this for educational purposes, but hey if it works for you, God bless ya:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I promise this is her last appearance *fingers crossed*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1b. Sex-Ed Dolls: Now maybe it’s just me, but so far I’ve only had discussions about human anatomy with my kids, but when they are old enough to have a sex talk, am I wrong in assuming they’ll be old enough not to need a doll to demonstrate anything?  Plus, if you are going to have sex-ed dolls, can you at least have them take off their shoes?  Come on!  These gems come from Family Planning in Hong Kong.

 

3.  Costume Demonstrations: I’m 100% certain I could not pull this off.  Plus, I’m pretty sure this would do more harm than good. Although, some people are visual learners…

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have no idea who these women are and why they’re wearing Vagina Heads, but I bet it’s hi-larious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Old School- Going Vintage Method: I love all things vintage…well, almost all things vintage. Back then, ignorance was bliss.

 

 

 

 

 

What a racket indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had the “Miracle of Life” which was shown in school when I was in 4th grade.  I remember being horrified.  I suppose even that is considered vintage considering that it was more than twenty years ago, but at least that had educational value.  I haven’t read this book, but something tells me it can’t be good.

4.  More Fun with toys: Again, how young are people sitting down and having a Sex-Ed talk with their kids?  Maybe I need to adjust my timetable?  Just like with the Potty Training Plush Poop & Pee, I’d never give this to one of my little kids.  Why?  Because this would turn into their favorite “I-have-to-take-it-everywhere-I-go” toy.  I’m not willing to explain this to relative and strangers alike why my daughter is coddling a plush uterus & ovaries when we’re out in public.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every little girl wants her very own Plush Uterus.

 

5. Comedy: Sure  I use jokes and comedy to lighten the mood here, and I cannot wait until my kids are old enough to enjoy movies and TV shows with me (Joey and I recently watched “Spaceballs” together & it was awesome), but when the time comes for “the talk”  I’ll be serious (I swear).  We can laugh together later at stuff like this, but I’ll avoid using it for educational purposes:

 

Got any unconventional methods you’d like to share with the class?  Agree with my list or think I need to start thinking outside the box (get it?)??  Leave me a comment & feel free to share!

 

 

 

Jun 212011
 

If you’re like me you go through great efforts to appear like you’re at least half put together and a functional member of society.  In public, if a stranger saw me, and it wasn’t on an occasion where I had an insect in my shirt or an exploding bra, they might even think I was normal. Looks can be deceiving.

I work fairly hard to bring some fabulous Giveaways and Reviews to my page and to my readers and part of that is networking and developing business relationships.  I have some nice business cards and a fabulous sterling silver case that even makes me appear professional.  I do have a tip, however, for giving a potential business partner one of your cards.  Please see the photo below:

It is my professional opinion that when you are presenting your business cards it is best not to have a crunched up Cheetos® inside your card case.  Unless your giving your card to the Cheetos® Cat.

I was so embarrassed after opening this up, I almost just ate the Cheetos® and walked away.  At least this guy will know exactly who he’s working with…

Don’t forget, presentation is everything.

Have you ever made a business faux pas? Leave me a comment! Don’t forget to vote for me once a day by clicking once below:
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