A phobia is defined as an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something. Key words there being extreme and irrational. I’ve always been prone to make a big deal out of things, and a fair adjective to describe me would be dramatic. So when I say there are things in this world that scare me, know that what I am trying to convey is that there are things in this world that simply terrify me.
I got to talking to a friend about one of my phobias, and then I began listing a few others. By the end of the conversation my friend was in tears and giving me a referral for a shrink. Some of these irrational fears I’ve conquered while some I battle every day. So, in the event that of you thought I was even a little sane, here’s some of my irrational fears (or are they?):
1. An Appearance by the Virgin Mary
I’m a recovering Catholic, which I’m sure I’ve mentioned before. I attended church every Sunday as far back as I can remember, and I attended Catholic School beginning in Kindergarten and continued until I graduated high school. After seeing a VHS (or BETA) movie in elementary school one day where the Virgin Mary appeared to some children I began to fear that the Mother of Christ would appear to me and make me deliver a message or do something holy. I would try to fall asleep as fast as I could each night in order to not see Jesus’ Mom in my bedroom. While most kids were afraid of the “Boogie Man,” I was afraid of a divine visitation. When I told my own mother about this one day, all she could say was, “Boy, you sure think highly of yourself.”
2. The Birthing Doll
This crocheted catastrophe is my newest phobia, and it’s been terrifying me since last week when Babble posted an article with this Birthing Doll. Pediophobia, the fear of dolls, isn’t exactly what I have, but I couldn’t find an exact match for the extreme fear of a knit doll with a super bush and scary boobs with another doll that resembles Bert from Sesame Street coming our of her crocheted crotch. Perhaps even more terrifying is that these dolls go for $200 a pop. This thing is so bizarre to me, I can’t imagine a use for it other than terrifying people like me. Special thanks to my friend Blake who said it looks like the thing from the movie, The Ring. It will be chasing me in my sleep some night very, very soon.
3. John Quiñones & the “What Would You Do” Crew
I’m not as nice as I may seem on the internets. I have very little tolerance in real life for ignorance and stupidity, and I have been known to express my opinion to complete strangers that are acting like douche bags. My fear here is that John Quiñones and crew would stage a scenario with people doing ridiculous stuff (as they do every week on the show), and I would be filmed telling off an actor playing the part of some average asshole. This of course would undoubtedly embarrass the hell out of my parents (and probably my husband too), and the whole world would know what a loud mouthed bitch I truly am.
4. Octomom
- Bringing the fear since 2009
Is Octomom contagious? Is her condition hereditary or could any Mom develop this at any time? A person with this level of crazy terrifies me. If there was an Octomom vaccine available (FDA approved or not), I’d take it. Three kids, each two years apart is challenging enough. I can’t imagine eight at once.
5. Mall Santas
Photo from http://www.holytaco.com/25-creepy-mall-santas/
My parents have photographs of me crying, screaming, reaching for the safety of their arms while I am being held (against my will) by a mall Santa. I remember the panic I felt, and I still get the creeps around these…creeps. I hate malls Santas. I fear mall Santas. My kids have never sat with a mall Santa.
Don’t leave me hanging here all exposed….what are you afraid of (and not the normal stuff like death or flying)? Leave me a comment with the good stuff! And if you liked the post, or want to help me get help, click the link below which casts and automatic vote for me! Thanks!
I’m afraid of those women that go to the gym, full makeup, perfect hair, tight clothes and walk on the treadmill next to me with this crazy smile stuck their perfectly glossed lips. They never break a sweat….I’m fairly sure they are part of that Stepford wives club.
I think they might be robots…or Stepford robots.
I wouldn’t know though- I don’t do the gym.
Good for you for going though. I just can’t get motivated!
I too am a recovering Catholic. I never feared the Virgin Mary tho. I always thought she would a ppear to good children and I knew I didn’t qualify.
As for the birthing Doll??Thanks I think I will have a nightmare or two over that one.
Sorry but the Birthing doll is the worst thing I’ve seen in a long time…I had to share…again.
And I used to think I was good…now, I’m pretty confident I won’t be getting any divine visits : )
Clowns. I realize this is possibly common. I can’t trust them (with their painted on smiles). There was on in the small world ride at Disney, and the way the light hit his eyes made him seem demonic.
Yikes…I’m borderline with clowns. I totally “get” the fear thing with them…I group them in the same category as the Santas….*Shiver*
Hey! I resemble that remark . . . When my son was 2 I dressed up like a clown for his party. It was so much fun that I decided to take a class and become an “event” clown. Between the heat, the bratty kids that tried to ruin my magic tricks, and the asthma I developed from putting baby powder all over my face, I fear BEING a clown more than anything else. Once I hung up my clown shoes, they never resurfaced. (Neither did the little bratty boy that disappeared mysteriously in the street drain, but that’s a story for another day . . . heh, heh, heh.)
I give you credit…I don’t think I could even dress up as one! lol
“We all float down here!” Clowns are creepy!!
That movie scared me! Love Stephen King!
Wonder Pets. I am afraid of Wonder Pets — afraid that once I think the name of the show, I will not be able to remove the theme song from my head for an entire day (oops, there is goes); afraid that Ming Ming’s lisp is contagious; and afraid that what’s gonna work is, indeed, team work and my children will team up against me.
This is sewious.
You too, huh?
There is something unnatural about those things….and I am slightly bothered by the constant poor parenting of the animal parents. Does no one watch their children? And I’m sure they inspired one of my most hated commercial of all time (Quiznos had these dead bug-eyed hamsters or something that just sang “Eat Quizno Subs!”)…
I feel ya on this one…and it is sewious.
Small “toy” sized dogs…. I’m not affraid their going to bite me, I’ve been bit by a hand full of German Shepherds while training, it goes with the territory. But having large dogs, I’m used to freely moving around…. the dogs get out of the way or they are already out of the way. But those little yappy things that bark whenever the wind changes direction, I’m terrified that one day I’m going to walk into someone’s house and I’m going to accidentially step on it and kill it. They make me extremely nervous, always around your feet and never exactly sure where they are…. they make me really uneasy LOL
I kinda have the same feeling about cats. i also think they’re sneaking and devious and aside from slinking around at my feet, if I should doze off, they might try and steal my breath while I was sleeping. Maybe I should add cats to this list. lol
Wow, for years I thought I was alone in my fear of heavenly visitors. I had a similar experience after watching a cartoon in Sunday school when I was 6 or 7. I remember that I actually prayed every night not to be visited by any divine spirits for weeks afterwards.
My current ridiculous phobia is detached hair. As long as it’s attached I’m fine with it but as soon as one comes loose from anyone’s head, including my own, it horrifies and disgusts me. The worst is that I seem to have passed the fear on to my daughter. We both have long hair that we’re constantly shedding so we’ve got a long road ahead of us.
I said those same prayers about the same time. i think i was 7 or 8 at the time! And stray unattached hairs are gross, but mine don’t bug me so much as other people’s. the worst of the worst is a strangers. Ack!
I had a night light that was one of those statues of Jesus with his chest open and his heart exposed. I called it my “God light” when I was little. I couldn’t sleep without it, but it also freaked me out. I was so afraid that Jesus would appear to me with his heart dripping blood that I had to my hide my head under the covers with just a little opening around my nose. (I was also afraid of suffocating.)
lmao! That was probably a poor choice of statues for a night light! And when I was a kid I watched a vampire movie and for the longest time, even if it was 100 degrees, I had to have a sheet covering my neck. Cause a thin piece of cotton fabric would prevent the fangs of a vampire from biting me. I was very logical even at a young age.
MY SISTER DOES THIS!!! It’s amazing! She’s so terrified of vampires, even now as a married twenty-something, she she sleeps with her sheep up around her ears!
Hilarious.
I have an irrational fear of getting imprisoned in a foreign country a la Brokedown Palace. Like I am positive that someone will plant something on me, I will be carried away to some prison hut where cockroaches will lay eggs in my ear and I’ll have to live without nail polish and mascara for the rest of my life.
That is terrifying….unless it’s like the prison where Bridget Jones was sent and wore her bra on the outside of her shirt, sang and danced to Madonna songs with the other women. Then it might not be so bad?
The Minis only sit with Santa if there is a blanket between him and them. Seriously. Germ central!
I almost put germs on the list, but I think my fear of them is extreme but not unrealistic…and Santas are germ havens …and creepy too! love the blanket idea!
Potato eyes. I don’t mean just the eyes on a normal potato, but when they start growing. The longer they grow, the more they creep me out. I actually can not touch them without screaming and I am shivering at the mere thought of these nasty things. Although I think that birthing doll may have just taken the place of these potatos….
I laughed out loud right after I read “Potato eyes.” For a second I thought you were going to say the detachable and interchangeable Mr. Potato Head parts! But long potato eyes are gross…not as terrifying to me personally as the doll, but skeevy nonetheless!
HA HA! It would be a sad day in my house if I was afraid of Mr. Potato Head parts since my 2-year-old loves scattering them all over the floor, then the baby picks them up and chews on them! However, the really long, thin mustaches are rather strange and you can make some pretty creepy-looking “people” with the parts!
I used to be only scared of cockroaches and clowns. So thanks for the new fear of the birthing doll. That is terrifying. Yarn pubes? Ewww!
I apologize, but I had to add it to the list. It’s way to terrifying not to!
I’m a recovering Catholic as well and I fear the Nun with the ruler!
LOL….You’re not alone there!
Sharks. Nuff said. But now, the birthing doll has me more than slightly uneasy. Thank you for that, cousin. You’re just swell.
Amy, my dear cousin, I didn’t list sharks or germs or bees because I don’t think they’re unfounded fears. I could get swallowed up by some snaggle toothed sand tiger…or bull shark right in the Lewes Bay…it is a nursery for sharks, you remember. That shit is for real.
The birthing doll might just end up on the Christmas Gift Exchange this year. Watch out for my wrapping paper!
I am no longer Catholic. After being ex-communicated when I was 18 for, and get this, questioning the doctrine TOO much, I converted to be Southern Baptist.
What scares me now—that birthing doll (just makes me want to punch the hell out of the creator), spiders, and waking up tomorrow with the realization that my 4 year “happy high” was nothing but a dream and I’m still married to that asshole. THAT is my biggest fear. I can take just about anything else.
Don’t even get me started on the Catholic Church…I’ll get myself in trouble. Hope you’re happier with the Southern Baptists…I’m sure you are!
Anyway, i agree about the spiders too…and the 4 year high (good for you!) ..I hope you have another blissfully happy 4 more (at least).
Can’t go wrong with a man who says he’ll wear a pink tutu for halloween and not have to be paid to do it!!!! AND he’s a MARINE!! HELLS YES!
LOL! Hang on to that one!
I have totally irrational fears as well. To this day I have nightmares of someone cutting off all of my hair leaving me hideous and powerless, much like the bald Brittney. I am ALWAYS sure that the man walking next to me in the grocery parking lot is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to grab me and throw me into his trunk. I am also pretty sure that my kids (at ages 12, 10, and
stop breathing during the night for no reason at all. I am certain that I will fall down the steps and break my neck EVERY time I descend. I KNOW that when I come home from running errands that I will find my house ablaze with firefighters losing the battle. Oh, and I am pretty confident that I have parasites that are eating me from the inside. Are we a match made in heaven or what? Oh, and I’m pretty sure there’s no heaven….just dirt and worms. Sorry.
The smiley was supposed to be an 8. Don’t know what that icon is all about
Holy hell, we’ve got to be related somehow. And by the way, the man grabbing you in the parking lot thing- I am totally with you. My husband has forbid me to watch Dateline, 20/20 or 48 Hours Mystery. I’m convinced I’m going to be kidnapped…I am still laughing out loud about your hair (rendering you hideous and powerless) – If that happened to me, I’d be a tiny bit happy. Maybe it would grow back straight? I bet the birthing doll people would try to cut mine to use for bush hair. Gross.
I wear Hubby’s MARINES t-shirt…noone fucks with me.
Highly suggest y’all gettin’ one lol
lol I thought I was alone on the fear of returning home from errands to find my house ablaze. I can see my house from a great distance when returning from errands and I always scan for smoke. Imagine the panic I was in when the wildfire blaze 2 miles behind my house sparked and I returned home to a sky of smoke. all behind my house.
I have a fear of mall santa’s too. Not just the possibly creepy guy hiding behind the facade but the amount of germs their nasty suit contains. Last time I ever sat on Santa’s lap I remember telling him he smelled really bad. That was the last time my mom ever took us kids to sit on Santa’s lap. lol
I have all of these fears! I am pretty sure that there are hidden cameras in my bathroom fan vents. I am fairly certain I have cancer of some sort or another. I also wind up convincing myself that every accident in the tri state area involves my husband (he’s on the road a lot for work). I am fairly certain every single person in my development spies on us (because we live such an exciting life….). I am fairly certain that I am going to get lost (even with my GPS) on the back roads where I have no cell reception and there are no road signs for miles.
As for the birthing doll……the next guy I hear talk about how easy having a kid is, well, let’s just say I have some Christmas gifts in mind already
I’m finally over my debilitating bug phobia, and now I’m quaking over that crotched doll with the crotched crotch rocket exploding from her loins.
I’m so very thankful mine were all c-sections. Jeez!
Oh God! What if there’s a C-Section version of this? Ahhhh!
I have all the rational fears you know bugs, death, death by bugs. That kind of thing. But I’m also freaked out by puppets. No Muppets for me, absolutely not. I really don’t like the concept of something you put on your hand that you then make move and talk. I also hate foods with gooey things inside. For example jelly donuts, eclairs, or chocolate with any sort of oozing substance inside. I wouldn’t say I’m AFRAID of them, but I do irrationally dislike them.
No Muppets? Like Kermit and Ms. Piggy? They were my favorites as a kid…in fact, the Muppets, along with John Denver who did a Christmas Special, were my imaginary friends when I was three….sometimes I think I share too much. Clearly, I’m insane
I have an irrational fear of my husband saying his mom can move in with us. Even though I know that there is no chance of it happening, I have this nightmare at least once every few months. (usually coincides with her “visits”) She deserves the title of Monster In Law.
I’m not touching that with a 10ft pole!!! LOL
Ok, I was saving this for a future post on my blog, but I’ll give you a preview…
I have a strange fear of the remote control pointing at me. If I’m sitting on the couch and the remote control is pointing at me, I have to point it away. Maybe I saw some news story one time that said the little infrared monsters would zap over and burn me or cause cancer or something. I don’t know. I don’t recall where the fear came from. I mean, the buttons aren’t even being pushed. It’s just sitting there looking at me like the geico stack of money with eyes. Just sitting there trying to freak me out.
Of course, I’ll think nothing about carrying a couple cell phones (sometimes three if I have the wifey’s) in a pocket right next to some of my most prized and protected body parts.
LOL!! That’s a new one, but when you put it like that….
Sorry, had to go redirect the remote on the couch!
Thanks for sharing, can’t wait to read the full post!
the doll is really one of the most disgusting things ever…
I would like to know the person who thought about it….
I’d probably kill him…
I really have no words for it. So gross!
by the way….
here you are!
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=217826748252108&set=a.215115041856612.61500.208677969166986&type=1&theater
Thank you!!!
I hope you like it!
Thanks so much! This is such a fun idea, I shared on my FB wall the other day!
ohmyyyyword
THAT
BIRTHING
DOLL
… who would ever bring that into their home!!! That thing is FREAKY!!!
Seriously, right?! And where do you keep it in your house? Coffee table? Curio Cabinet? A locked trunk in the attic??
In your child’s bed after they’ve gone to sleep if they have misbehaved earlier in the day. Bwahahaha!
The ugly birthing doll. The things people come up with is astounding. How can anyone benefit with this “doll”?
Creepy.
I like Santas from a distance. I do not see the point to tramatize kids with a man who is a stranger to them who has who knows what kind of germs from previous kids.
The kids had no interest in getting close to see him. Far in the distance, is close enough for them.
Abbie
I should have mentioned that my kids are totally uninterested in seeing the Santa up close either. And I’m certainly not forcing them to sit with him when I wouldn’t want to either! lol
And the doll….I keep seeing it when I come back to this page…ahhhhh
I’m not quite sure why anyone would buy that let alone pay $200. Definitely a WTF moment!
It’s one of those things I wish I never saw, and hate that I keep thinking, “Who the hell is buying it!??”
The birthing doll has been haunting me too, ever since you posted Blake’s post on Facebook. But Octomom runs a close second. LOL
Octomom is scary as hell. Seriously, someone tell me exactly what’s wrong with her so I can find out how to prevent it. I’m terrified I’ll wake up one day, go get lip injections and have a dozen embryos implanted. Shit!
Oh my lord, I now have a phobia of the birthing doll as well.
I think if anyone says they aren’t afraid, they’re lying. It’s just terrible!
That doll is the worst! When I was a teenager, I had this insane fear that there would be a killer in the backseat of my car at night. I made sure to check the floor behind the driver’s seat every single time I got in it! I managed to pass this “habit” on to my sister. The first time she drove a friend around at night, she opened the door just enough to turn on the dome light, very obviously looked through the back window at the floor behind the driver’s seat, then opened the door the rest of the way and got in. Her baffled friend asked, “What were you looking at?” “I’m checking the car for killers,” she says, like this is completely normal behavior that everyone does! She really had a lot to say to me when she came home!
I always check my car for killers..I’m 28. I also can’t look in my rear view mirror if I’m driving at night. Because I watch waaaay to many horror movies I’m afraid to peak and there will be face I don’t know looking back…
I’m afraid of mini vans.. They are everywhere and it freaks me out
Midgets. They are NOT “little people” they are MIDGETS! They have itty bitty hands, itty bitty feet and they scared the shit out of me in The Wizard of Oz” when I was three. I’m 55 now so this is an ongoing fear.
My husband made me watch a documentary on Lyme disease and ever since then I have had an irrational fear of ticks. I now check the dog every time he goes outside and I refuse to walk through any grass that is higher than my ankles or walk under trees. My husband, of course, thinks this is hilarious and is proud of the fact that he is the cause of a new phobia for me.
Dog slobber, I’m not talking about when a dog licks you, I’m talking, dripping on the grounds and slimes your pant leg when it walks by slobber..
And hair in the tub.. I know a lot of people think it’s gross, but I can’t step foot in the tub if my husbands doesn’t scrub it out first.
And stickers.. I hate stickers.
Otherwise I have normal run of the mill phobias; Spiders, clowns, rodents..
I have a severe fear of balloons. It started in high school when I worked in a flower shop and had to blow up balloons all the time. They would pop in my face and freak me out, then it just got worse. So I started telling people about it, so they wouldn’t have balloons around me. That just made it worse! They would think it was funny and end up popping them. I cried at my 30th birthday this year because my mother still doesn’t realize how big of a deal this is and she brought me balloons with my cake. I do not have children yet, but when I do they will NOT have balloons at their birthday parties. I am sure they will not be traumatized
I share your fear. Don’t know why, but the skreaky sound of balloons rubbing puts my teeth completely on edge. I don’t allow balloons at my kids’ parties for fear they’ll touch them and I’ll hear that noise. It’s like wet sneakers on the floor at wal-mart. That sound will make me turn around and go back to the car. Can’t stand it. It’s like the skreaky sound playing for the knife slashes during the shower scene in “Psycho.” At least I think that’s what it is.
I’m also irrationally afraid of road edges. I have this bizarre fear that if I drive off the pavement, I’ll hit a big rock or a pothole and blow a tire, flip the car multiple times, and go up in a ball of fire. I literally scream when a riding shotgun and someone comes too close or goes over that lip.
Im afraid of the Duggars. You know that crazy family with 19 kids and 1 more on the way!! A. Thats alot of kids! B. They are always so happy! Nobody is ever that happy all the freaking time!!
Clowns are one of my biggest fears. I’ve always found them creepy… Also porcelain dolls give me he heebee geebee’s! I swear their eyes are always following me! I hVe one I got for my birthday many years ago but I put her up in my closet where I wouldn’t be able to see those beady little eyes..