5 Unconventional Sex-Ed Methods

A few weeks ago, after reading an article on Babble that featured a birthing doll, many of you had the same reaction I did…WTF?  Not surprisingly, however, I got some feedback from a few of my free spirited Mom readers who were raving about this crocheted nightmare.  It really got me thinking though…what was I so afraid of (aside from her missile-like breasts,  knit and unkempt pubic hair, and the child emerging from her va-jay-jay that resembled Bert from Sesame Street)?

Well, clearly I’m just not mature enough (or brave enough) to use an unconventional method to teach my kids about sex…oh, God!  One day I am  going to have to have the talk.  What’s the best approach?  Because my kids are so young (currently all under six), I have plenty of time to prepare (I hope).  I can tell you though, I may need some practice (and maturity) to use any of the following when it comes time to talk about the birds and the bees.  Might I add, if you use or like any of these products, I’m totally happy for you.  I’m glad you have something that works for you.  I’m not judging, and we’ve already covered that I’m immature and these make me laugh so feel free to not email, comment or write me a letter.

Without further adieu, I present:

Top 5 Unconventional Sex Education Products/Methods

1a. Birthing Dolls: She’s baaaaaaaaack! In the event you missed this thing the first time around when I posted it on Facebook or recently when she graced my post, Be Afraid- Be Very Afraid, here she is one more time.  Apparently, this doll retails for $150.00 on Etsy.  Personally, this terrifies me on a number of levels and I can’t see using this for educational purposes, but hey if it works for you, God bless ya:

I promise this is her last appearance *fingers crossed*

1b. Sex-Ed Dolls: Now maybe it’s just me, but so far I’ve only had discussions about human anatomy with my kids, but when they are old enough to have a sex talk, am I wrong in assuming they’ll be old enough not to need a doll to demonstrate anything?  Plus, if you are going to have sex-ed dolls, can you at least have them take off their shoes?  Come on!  These gems come from Family Planning in Hong Kong.

 

3.  Costume Demonstrations: I’m 100% certain I could not pull this off.  Plus, I’m pretty sure this would do more harm than good. Although, some people are visual learners…

I have no idea who these women are and why they’re wearing Vagina Heads, but I bet it’s hi-larious.

4. Old School- Going Vintage Method: I love all things vintage…well, almost all things vintage. Back then, ignorance was bliss.

What a racket indeed.

 

The “Miracle of Life” which was shown in school when I was in 4th grade.  I remember being horrified.  I suppose even that is considered vintage considering that it was more than twenty years ago, but at least that had educational value.  I haven’t read this book, but something tells me it can’t be good.

4.  More Fun with toys: Again, how young are people sitting down and having a Sex-Ed talk with their kids?  Maybe I need to adjust my timetable?  Just like with the Potty Training Plush Poop & Pee, I’d never give this to one of my little kids.  Why?  Because this would turn into their favorite “I-have-to-take-it-everywhere-I-go” toy.  I’m not willing to explain this to relative and strangers alike why my daughter is coddling a plush uterus & ovaries when we’re out in public.

Every little girl wants her very own Plush Uterus.

 

5. Comedy: Sure  I use jokes and comedy to lighten the mood here, and I cannot wait until my kids are old enough to enjoy movies and TV shows with me (Joey and I recently watched “Spaceballs” together & it was awesome), but when the time comes for “the talk”  I’ll be serious (I swear).  We can laugh together later at stuff like this, but I’ll avoid using it for educational purposes:

Got any unconventional methods you’d like to share with the class?  Agree with my list or think I need to start thinking outside the box (get it?)??  Leave me a comment & feel free to share!

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Comments

  1. Did the devil make this movie? Does this play on a flat screen in the lobby in hell? ROFL, too funny!

    Those babies still attached by the umbilical cord scare me! Can you imagine the kids swinging them around? LOL

  2. Oh my. I’m speechless!

    This goes along with hearing my 13 year old singing along to Rihanna’s S&M – and making the mistake as asking if she knew what that meant. Crap. Then I had to explain it to her. Thanks, Rihanna!

    • Doh! I’ve heard kids singing that (and a few others) and I always wonder if they even know what they’re laughing at…glad so far, I’ve never had to do any of the explaining!

    • Lisa, I remember singing along to the Spice Girls’ Two Become One when i was ten every chance I got. The song recently came on the radio when I was in the car with my mom (as an adult, now), and I was MORTIFIED as I listened to the lyrics. Ha. Such is life.

  3. http://mynaturallyfrugalfamily.blogspot.com/2011/06/daughters-are-special.html

    May want to think about this before you let a boy date your daughter.

  4. Domestic Diva, I am blinded by the Costume Demonstrations, I was not expecting that! But let me thank you in advance, cause once my sight comes back I am ordering this outfit for Halloween……FOR MY HUSBAND!

  5. #3 HAS to be your Halloween 2011 costume.

  6. OMG – loved that Tina Fey skit. Hubby and I just about died laughing.

  7. Too funny! The plush uterus looks like a carnival prize.

  8. I am horrified with all the dolls. just saying.

  9. So #3, is that the sequel to Vagina Monologues = The Vagina Dialogues ????

    I was laughing so hard that my husband had to come in to see what was so funny. He cracked up watching the SNL skit, then I scrolled over the other ones & he had to walk away. Well, he did ask what was so funny.

    • Sounds like my husband. He says “I’m sick”…clearly, I think it’s funny :)

      And the Vagina Dialogues?! Love it! I wish I knew where the hell these women were from…I found the picture on a funny/disturbing Facebook page for “Berf”

  10. The dolls are by far the scariest things I have ever (EVER) seen in my life! Can you imagine… Oh no nevermind I don’t even want to thing about having that talk with my kids and whipping these out. Oh My!!

  11. I BEG of you to never show me this again. I’m traumatized. Totally traumatized.

    I have no idea what I will do with the sex talk. It so depends on the age. My mom waited for me to ask questions, but I was a curious little thing so that probably came fairly early. The hard part is not scarring them for life sexually…b/c you have to make it sound just dirty and horrible enough where they don’t rush out doing it, but not so dirty and horrible that they become a 40 year old virgin.

    • Stephanie, I’m sorry! I promise this is the last time for the dolls. And should they become relevant and I need to repost again in the future I’ll include a warning :) I like to go for the “shock & awe” factor. I think these dolls accomplish that?

      And you hit the nail on the head. There’s a fine line between healthy fear and 40yr old virgin! LOL

  12. I started when my kids were young enough to know body parts by telling them the real names for them. No cutesy pee-pee or ding ding stuff. Safety purposes. I learned what was appropriate for their ages to learn and didn’t get too detail oriented until they were adolescents. We talked about sex/babies/anatomy/whatever they came up with whether at the table *not for public dinners lol* or in the car; wherever. No subject was ever off, and today my kids are 20 and 22 and we have a wonderful, very open and honest relationship. No so when I was a kid!!

    • We use proper terms too, Sheila. And for us, we discuss whatever/wherever too (fortunately?) …hopefully that will continue as they get older although it’s made for some awkward conversations in grocery stores and doctor’s offices alike. :)

  13. Love the shoes!!! But actually might be a really good birth control method. I mean, who’s going to sleep with a dork who wears his shoes to bed?

  14. what the hell attached babies hanging from the doll’s woo-woo.. The birthing doll is still way freaky.. I’m with you when the time comes its going to be old school sit down & talk maybe a book. As always you made me laugh this morning

  15. 1. I WANT that crochet doll – seriously.
    2. That second girl? I would KILL to maintain my figure after having twins – look at her flat belly! Be-yatch.
    3. Love Tina Fey – the other one I love about that “topic” is the Friends episode when they think it’s porn but it’s a birth video. So. Very. Funny.

    • 1. The crochet doll is $150-200 though. Otherwise this would be my new gift of choice for all the baby showers I keep getting invited to!
      2. Seriously, she must have had work…otherwise it seems to defy the laws of physics.
      3. I’m going to have to find that episode of “Friends”…and Tina Fey? She’s one of my heroes. Fo’ sho’

  16. I want that stuffed uterus. I will make it the central decorative pillow on my bed.

  17. Oh my goodness — I have just discovered the one item that makes my toddler’s demands to take the toilet brush — yes, the toilet brush — with us every time we go on a walk look like the better choice. (And not just any toilet brush — the blue one). He waves it at all our neighbors when he goes out for a stroller ride. Now, at last I can see the good side — at least he’s not waving a plush uterus at them.

  18. This post is hysterical! I think I’ll past on buying the dolls.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

  19. Wow. The Grudge + Sesame Street = Birthing Doll, welcome to my nightmares! The other dolls are just startling, Cabbage Patch dolls will never be the same for me, haha. Once you own the poop & pee plushs, the obvious next step is the plush uterus(complete with ovaries, of course). My husband and I met in theater, but I am definitely NOT showing him the Vag-heads for fear that my husband would actually wear it (for Halloween, youtube videos, cocktail parties, Christmas… etc- he’s a funny guy, but I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere) Thanks for the list! Great laughs on my part, as well as a healthy dose of fear ;)

    • It’s all about balance with me…a little bit (or a lot with the grudge/Sesame Street birthing doll) and laughter too! Glad you enjoyed the post, and although I’d love to see a YouTube video of anyone in these Vagina hats, I hope for your sake your husband doesn’t find them! LOL

  20. Quote from my husband after he watched the video with me: “That’s gross, but funny as hell.”

  21. Let me begin by explaining that all three of my children are adopted. I teach down the hall from the health room and am often scared by what I hear walking by there and I am convinced that I am still not old enough to watch any sort of birthing video (I’m 43). I am not exactly the type to be comfortable discussing these things. Anyway, one of my children is a 13 yr. old girl (almost 14 really) and we adopted her a year ago from Colombia. So, imagine my fun in getting to explain all of this stuff that I don’t like to talk about with a kid I’ve had for about a year and doing the whole thing in Spanish! I cheated and bought her a book, but clearly I missed out on some good props…

  22. I have to say, I too am immature and found this hilarious – and frightening all at the same time. This got me thinking of a story, I may just have to blog about and link back here.

  23. LOL !

    …but….I don’t know about the first dolls…bleah!!!

  24. I LOVE you! I want to be just like you when I decide to grow up! <3

  25. You don’t really want me to tell you how to handle the sex talk do you? I think you’d rather read how fantastic this post was! It was hilarious! My youngest (7 yrs old) was actually beside me as I was looking at the pics, and it was a great way to have the “sex talk!” Now he knows what a uterus is, and fortunately, he didn’t ask to be the proud owner of a plush one! Phew!

    • LOL! Sorry, Sandra! I should have put a “warning” at the top of this post…although, great job with the talk! And you’re kid seeing a uterus and not wanting one = Winning!

  26. OMG are you hysterical!! Where did you even get all of this stuff? My husband and I are old fashioned I guess. We just did what his parents did. We put the boys in front of porn and told them to come find us if they had any questions. Easy breezy.

    • lmao! Love it! I’ll remember that when my time to have the “talk” comes!

      And as far as finding this stuff…I have a laptop which I use to save me from watching the crap my kids love like The Wonder Pets and Dora. Clearly, a much better use of my time is finding these worthless products.

  27. Wow! You are a hoot!! I am open with my kids about the correct anatomy terms and they even know about periods-I should mention I have 3 boys age 11, 7, & 6, and a 5 yr old girl! My 4 sisters whom are in their 50′s are completely mortified that I am so open! But when it was time for my period I was totally horrified and my parents waited for me to ask questions and sneak little notes in my Bible referring me to scripture about sexual immortality! I just want my kids to know that these things are a natural part of life and not be some big taboo thing when they hit their teens. I still really haven’t had the “talk” with them but have mentioned to my 11 yr old son that sex happens when 2 people are very much in love and married! I can only hope and pray he keeps the stallion in the barn for that long!!

  28. Wow…
    Thanks for the laugh, again!
    You are hilarious!! I CANNOT get over those dolls!! (Any of them!)
    And why do those vagina head women’s costumes look like they want to eat me?
    I feel like that could single handedly turn any young boy gay.

  29. Too fucking funny! I had my second baby at home and made similar moaning sounds to the ones on the SNL video! Also, all my girlfriends came over and my husband ordered a pizza…cracks me up!

  30. How can one find a va- J -J head for halloween?

  31. Those things are all very interesting. I’m not sure when I’d like to start talking with my kids about sex but honestly I think it will be very early. I think 4 or 5 is a good time to start explaining? Will of course be expanding on it over the years but introducing early seems like a good idea.

    Your items you found are so funny. I do not believe I’d be interested in using any of those things either and I find them pretty amusing. As devil’s advocate though I do see how they could serve their purpose depending on the individual using them XD

  32. Leia Madewell :

    My daughter will be 5 in February and we watched the last Duggar grandson be born on 19 kids and counting…and answered her questions…I honestly did not plan on having any talk. Sex education should be a contunual natural thing that happen gradually over time based on age and maturaty of the child.

    Leia Madewell
    I guess I should mention I am a Pure Romance consultant…which means that I educate Women about sex for a living.

  33. Wally Lineberry :

    “The Talk”? Who needs it? Been answering questions as t.hey come up, using correct terms (a you do) and slipping in factoids when appropriate – not much left for the talk. My son came home from the school’s sex ed class and complained the teacher was lame and left out the good stuff

  34. LOL!!NO NO nO! My mother in law and I have a fundamental disagreement about this one. She will talk to my 5 and 6 year old boys about their various body parts and use proper terms…but it just creeps me out so thoroughly to hear my babies talk about penises and testicles!!! I much prefer wieners and balls! And don’t get me started about “vaginas”!!!*shudders*

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  1. [...] these women are or what they hell they are doing, but when I found and posted this picture on my 5 Unconventional Sex-Ed Methods post, many of you immediately thought of Halloween…and I couldn’t agree more.  [...]

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