So I had a conversation with a friend about a baby shower we’re attending. Both of us being slackers, we of course waited to buy gifts and now we have three choices left on the registry: a $600.00 Glider for the nursery or buy her socks and baby soap and look like douche bags. So we decided to put together a huge gift basket from the two of us with a variety of gifts. I said that since our super pregnant friend has a sense of humor we should by her the Go the F@ck to Sleep book for the basket too. My co-contributor on the basket, who wants the gift to be super fancy (cause we’re so fancy), says no on the book. Which is fine….I’ll give it separately. A total must have for any parent, delirious from lack of sleep, sanity hanging by a thread, needing a good laugh to keep them hanging on another night…
Anyway, the conversation of terrible products and gifts came up to which my friend said I should do another post…as if the Holiday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Potty Training and Sex Ed products weren’t enough? Just in case, here’s some of the worst gifts for babies and their parents alike:
1. Peekaroo Fleece Infant Carrier
Do you love the movie, Alien? Did you have a c-section you want to relive everyday? Do you want to use your baby to scare strangers? Well, then this is the product for you! For just $80 on amazon, you can do all this and more!
2. Baby Mop
Now I know it may be tempting to get the whole family involved in the cleaning, especially if Mom owns the fancy mop slippers I featured and Dad is sporting the push broom shoes I also listed, but the baby mop is going to have to be where I draw the line. Again, it may seem tempting, but I’m going on the record and saying the Baby Mop is a bad idea.
3. The Baby Pod
Are you looking for the perfect gift to give the expectant parents who can’t stop worrying about nuclear war/chemical attacks? What about the Baby Pod? It provides clean air, an automatic diaper for waste and a rocking motion to sooth the podded baby. No, really it does. And although it has a super padded protection and could get bounced around and still keep baby safe, don’t even try to check this at the airport. Seriously. Just don’t but this period.
4. Nosefrida Suction Device
I think that there are essential medical items that are great gifts for babies and new parents. Humidifiers, thermometers, etc. A bulb aspirator is something I have used countless times with all three kids when they were little, and the standard aspirator can provide gentle suction without you having to suck the snot out with your mouth as with the Nosefrieda. Apparently there is a filter that prevents the snot from reaching the parent’s mouth, but regardless this is just awful. And unnecessary. And awful unnecessary.
5. The Babykeeper
The Babykeeper. Ah, I don’t trust that plastic hook enough to dangle my kid over a dirty bathroom floor. I’ve also seen some nasty stuff on stall walls that would never allow me to hang my child on them. This just seems dangerous and dirty. Plus my kids would never just hang there, they’d be trying to climb the wall, swinging back and forth. This just seems like a bad idea.
I personally have never been a fan of kids on a leash, if it works for you that’s wonderful. However, please have the decency to use one where you at least hold the leash in your hand and not the O’Pair Leash System that resembles some sort of twisted umbilical cord. Please.
7. Baby Bangs
Baby Bangs, the perfect gift for the baby girl who has everything…except hair.
8. Neck Tubes
|Tosh.0||Tuesdays 10pm / 9c|
|Neck Tube Baby|
I saw it on Tosh.0 first, and love him wearing one. For a baby, not so much. This just terrifies me.
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