I accidentally ate wheat Friday at dinner (I’m allergic in case you’re new) and suffered the consequences shortly thereafter. At the time of the reaction I was at the beach and felt so sick my husband drove me home so I could suffer in my own bed and bathroom. He returned to my parents house and stayed with the kids. Friday night was a wash, but Saturday, as normally happens, I was feeling much better. My initial plan was to drive right back down Saturday, but sleeping in a childless house I had nothing but my own body to wake me that morning. When I did stir from my undisturbed slumber, it was too late to head out without sitting in miles of aggravating traffic. I decided to clean the house and head down around dinner.
Well, once I got started I didn’t stop. It has literally been two years since I spent a full day without kids, so I knew I needed to take full advantage of the free time. I cleaned all the bedding, did all the laundry (even put it away-bam!), cleaned the kids rooms (including ceilings, walls, windows and floors), scrubbed both bathrooms, and organized all four bedroom closets.
After all that I was way to tired to be disappointed that I didn’t drink, nap and veg out on my first day off in forever. By the time I finished it was after eight o’clock, so I talked to my husband and decided to just stay the night alone again. Sunday morning came and I continued my frenzied cleaning on the first floor tackling all the walls, floors and windows again and everything in between.
I felt victorious.
Look at me. Domestic goddess. Queen of the…
And exactly 64 minutes after I finished cleaning the entire house, the children returned.
They even noticed how sparkling everything was and how organized all the toys were…then they got to work doing what kids do best: Destroying my house.
I expected this, I really did. There was no shock or surprise here. A quiet and anticipated disappointment settled in as I cleaned sauce from the table, chairs, floors, walls, and the children’s faces after dinner. For them, however, this was like Christmas. They had all their toys organized, I even took some that I had stashed away out in exchange for some that I packed into boxes to be donated.
“Just please help me clean before bed, kids.” I pleaded with my offspring who suddenly became deaf.
Tired of asking, I moved straight to the threats. “I donated some old toys kids,” they looked saddened and stunned, “and I swear, if you don’t pick up this mess, I’m going to donate more. I’ll give these toys to kids who will appreciate them and not leave them all over the house. In fact, I’m going to go get a box…”
“Nooooooo! We’re cleaning! We’re picking up!” they yelled as I exited the room, victorious.
I wiped the grin off my face before emerging from the garage, box in hand. Dramatically, I placed it in the doorway to help give the children incentive to continue picking up. After placing the box, I glanced around the room and was amazed how many toys were put away in the 90 seconds I was gone.
“Great job guys, now keep it up…” I trailed off as my eye caught a familiar character sitting front and center on a shelf.
Buzz Lightyear just stared at me. He held his position as I moved towards him, and I was shocked to see him sending me such a message.
Did the kids really clean that fast or did the toys come to life, just as they did in the Toy Story movies?
Because my kids don’t “know” what Buzz was doing and because I know my husband didn’t have anything to do with this, I was left wondering…could it be? What a strange coincidence that I threaten to dispose of them and then this is how I find him…
Well, right back at you, Buzz! I didn’t forgo wine, sleep and doing nothing on my first full day off in years to have you and your friends just laying around. I’ve got a message for you and your friends too. You better watch your ass, Lightyear. I’m watching you.
Anyone else have a toy tell you to fuck off or is it just me? Leave me a comment so I know I’m not going crazy! And give me a quick click of the link below to cast an automatic vote on Top Mommy Blogs!