Well, back to school is in full gear and that is partially my excuse for my lack of posts over the last week. My son Joey is loving First Grade, and we’re really happy with his teacher and so far he seems to have a really nice bunch of classmates. My son Jake started his second year of preschool and is also adjusting well which we expected since he’s got all but one of the kids from last year’s class and the same teachers.
September has really been kicking my ass though with the early mornings, busy afternoons, and exhausting evenings. The kids and I both are trying to get back into a better sleep pattern, and I’m still having some issues with my diet and overall health.
In my Drop Dead Diva post I told you all a little about what ails me…at least medically speaking. I did finally go to the doctor’s office, received a scolding for having stayed away so long, and my doctor, whom I trust totally, ordered a barrage of tests to see if we can get to the bottom of what’s casing my symptoms.
I’ve had a CT scan already, which for those of you who have never had one requires that you drink a chalky barium solution (two large servings approximately the size of two Medium soft drink containers from a fast food restaurant) within thirty minutes. Then for my scan, after choking down the solution, which in addition to having a horrible taste and texture, really does very little to help ease an already nausea stomach, I was then injected with radioactive dye via IV for the scan.
Thankfully I had a really nice technician, received a blessing from a fellow patient that was a nun, and managed not to puke all over the exam room. When I got off the table I also noticed that my gown was caught in the table before I tried to walk away which prevented me from either falling or being naked…or falling naked. Either way the scan went as well as I could have hoped and it was all clear except for a hernia (guess I’ll have to give up my weightlifting).
I also went early, as in 6am early, to a lab to get my fasting blood work done. Thanks to my shitty insurance company, that’s you Aetna, I couldn’t go to the lab right down the street (that also was the same scenario for the CT scan), but rather had to drive 30 minutes to the closest location. So after getting up at 5am, getting ready and waking up, I drove 30 minutes to one of the dirtiest labs I’ve ever seen. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought based on the condition of the building and the other clientele that I was actually in the Department of Motor Vehicles. The staff was really nice though, and I actually felt bad for them having to work there every day. In fact, some of the other people may have just been homeless squatters looking for a place to come in out of the rain. I base that assumption on the smell and crazy talk that was coming from not one, but two other patients.
After delousing and taking a scalding hot shower when I got home, I felt better and continued to feel good for about three days. Then I was hit with a ton of nausea and other unpleasant abdominal symptoms. I’ve lost another three pounds, and officially have no clothes that fit. Good news is that most of my blood work was normal and my cholesterol is way, way down from what it last was. Bad news is that I still don’t have a diagnosis…
My doctor actually ordered several more tests that I was hoping I was not going to have to complete. I prayed for a disease or disorder to show up on the CT Scan or blood work, not because I want to be sick but because I need some answers. I’m officially sick of being sick.
At this point I’m disappointed but will be getting a chest Xray (I have no clue why he ordered this one), a colonoscopy which is scheduled for the beginning of October (I’m not happy about this one at all), and to put the icing on the cake I have to return back to the DMV Lab with a bag of shit. Yes, I’ll be turning in a stool sample.
I’ve literally been traumatized by the collection kit they sent home with me. My instructions were to write my name on the outside (check), put the specimen in each of the four containers but only up to the red line (not check) and anything over the line is not usable. WTF? These containers are super small and have an opening the size of a United States Quarter.
Holy shit, people. Holy shit literally.
Worst kit ever.
I mean, are you kidding? There’s no instructions or anything, and I’ve been having nightmares over the executuion of this process. I may need some Xanax to get this done…
I’m also not even going to worry about the colonoscopy, and what that entails, until after I figure out how to complete the lab’s stuff.
I should probably also apologize for this, but you all need to remember, this is my free therapy. Feel free to comment with your own shitty problems. Whether that be figurative or literal, I’ll listen 🙂
So bear with me folks, I’m hanging onto my sense of humor, but with the kids back in school and my health issues I may just be a little sporadic about posting here on the web (nothing too crazy but if I’m absent a few days, just picture me crying, curled in a ball, rocking back and forth while staring at those bottles).
I promise I’ll make up for this post…picture me in some of the worst Fall Fashions…it’s coming soon and while you’re here, please do me a favor and click on the link below. JUST ONE CLICK casts an automatic vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs! Thank you!
I’ve had to so the poop samples, they are supposed to give you a tray that fits over your toilet seat and you are supposed to be able top poo in it. then you are supposed to use wooden tongue depressors which they are also supposed to give you, to scoop it into the containers (which is neither neat nor easy). I feel for you in your dilemma..
Well, I guess I should say they were “nice” at the lab but incompetent. Figures!
I hope they find out what is wrong with you quickly! It is so horrible to be sick all the time. (((hugs)))
Insurance companies suck. My sister’s insurance keeps saying she can’t have contrast for her CT’s because it is too expensive. Yeha it will be cheaper if they have to do it AGAIN with contrast bitches.
OMG !!! I am so sorry 🙁 I love your blog but your adoring fans need you to get to the bottom (pun intended) of what is wrong with you. Physically I mean.
Thanks, Megan! I hoping I can get some answers soon too. I’m too busy to be sick! And let’s sick to the physical ailments…otherwise, the mental ones might require a team of specialist. I doubt Aetna covers that! lol
I had a friend who recently had to do a sample also she started with i had to take in a stool sample and the containers where not operator friendly it ended with me and her in tears discussing the process you have nothing if not your sense of humor feel better
Sorry your still not feeling well. Hopefully they’ll figure out what’s going on and get you back to feeling better very, very soon.
I had to have a CT scan once and, luckily, didn’t have to drink or get injected with anything for it. It was a scan of my sinuses so maybe that’s why. I haven’t had a colonoscopy but I’ve heard some stories. Actually, my mom is home today preparing for a colonoscopy tomorrow. From what I’ve heard, the prep is no fun. Brace yourself and get ready to drink some more nasty stuff for that and get yourself some good reading material.
Good luck filling up your kit. 🙂
I remember a day of getting a diagnosis that means we have no idea why you are so tired and unable to function.
I was given Adderall which made me functional until the insurance decided they wouldn’t pay for it.
So glad those days are over. Now I work as a med aide and nurse aide to I get to collect other people’s poop! Fun stuff!
Hope you get answers soon.
I say you just shit in a gallon sized ziploc bag…. and let them ‘handle’ the rest. They work in a lab, let them play with your poo!!!
I so agree with you!!!
I have only been reading your blog for about 4 months so forgive me if I missed something but have you tried going to a nutritionist or chiropractor? I don’t know if you have any good ones in your area but sometimes they can find vitamin deficiencies or other foods that you are allergic to. (I know about the gluten) Sometimes it can be stuff in your diet like soda, diet drinks, artificial sweeteners, etc. that doctors won’t ever find on their tests. It might be worth a shot and hopefully more sanitary than the Aetna lab.
I’m so sorry you are feeling shitty. Bad choice of words. Crappy. Wow. I’m so bad at this. Um…I’m sorry you feel bad. Really. I hope they figure it out soon and I pray it’s nothing serious. Of course, you know by now that I’m a pagan and I pray to my flat iron, but the point is I am thinking about you. Truly.
xoxo
the colonoscopy is a breeze,,,well except for the day before but during…u will catch up on some needed sleep!!! sorry about the poop thing:( my doc thinks maybe fibromyalgia for me but there isnt a test you can take so…limbo is where i be..good luck!!
This sounds absolutely awful, I have no idea how I would deal with all that shit (literally). I really hope everything is going to work out okay and on the plus side you’re going to look even more amazing in your leopard leotard =)
That all sounds so crappy!! (Get it? Crappy?) Well, tried to make you life.. it was lame, but I hope it helped anyway!
Good luck and hang in there!
Oh, you poor dear! Maybe you can use a kitchen utensil or two to help with the stool sample and then throw them out when done. I have a friend who uses a fork to break up her son’s monstrous poops, so they didn’t clog the toilet. -Totally gross! I can’t eat at her house anymore.
By the way – I’ve been seeing more and more women with feathers in their hair. I totally agree with you! Every time I see it, I think they must not know a bird landed on their head. Watch out for the poop!
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling sick. I was losing hair, lost tons of weight and was pooping non-stop. I too was given those sample bottles. However, mine came with instructions to craft a boat out of aluminum and float it in the bowl. Needless to say, I skipped the test. I was single, in my early 20s and just lived it with it. I finally figured out the hair loss, weight loss and non-stop pooping was attributed to an asshole boss. Quit my job and I felt much better. I wish it was that easy for you. I really, really hope doctors find out what is wrong and that it is nothing serious. You will be in my thoughts. I really love your blog. Best wishes.
I had a lot of those same issues before getting diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, colonoscopy’s are not too bad but i’ve had all mine knocked out the worst part is the prep for the test real shitty!! Good luck Diva!!
My son has had diarrhea for 3 months, and when the dr first ordered a stool test, they gave me the same bottles! How on this good planet is one suppose to plan when your 15 month old is going to soak the diaper in mud, and how does one squeeze out the drainage from a diaper that is made to retain all liquid for 8 hours!?! That was a definite hurdle. But I digress.
Hang in there, Susan Diva!
Bubba-Hubby caught a bad case of c-diff, so consequently we had to go through the same process with the addition of testosterone 🙂
We were a little more creative in our collection efforts – we bought a package of the disposable baby food spoons 🙂 The other suggestion I’d offer is a high quality (i.e., from your local health food store) broad spectrum probiotic. Not the cheapo stuff in the vitamin aisle, and not the miniscule amounts found in yogurt – but the good stuff. A friend recommended it (and I did the silent, mental eye roll] and I reluctantly gave it a shot – and it really, really helped. A lot.
I hope you find answers. Not knowing what’s wrong and feeling awful is the worst! No worries about the colonoscopy – they give you happy pills so you’re loopy anyways…..
Hang in there – thinking of you – sending healing vibes your way!
Hi,
first off, I apologise if you get this 3 times. Apparently having a baby has made me completely technologically inept and this is (sadly) my third attempt at saying this (thank god for nap times). I know that you mention in a previous posting (I think the one where your husband makes fun of your hypochondriac behaviour while you surfed the web for symptoms) that one of the possible culprits that showed up was Celiac Disease.
As it happens, I think it might not be a bad idea to pursue that line with your doctor. The problem with Celiac Disease is that (aside from the fact that most doctors, bless them, are still crap at recognizing it) it is a *%@&! to diagnose. In fact, there are many many many false positives that people receive through blood testing. You would be amazed how many people are either Celiac or gluten intolerant. As a Celiac myself (figured out that gem about 3 years ago) I can tell you that I felt like a pile of doo and had many of the symptoms you do. Going gluten free saved the quality of my life. Plus – very VERY important – I can still drink as much wine as I want (or rather, as much as I feel is socially acceptable on any given day).
p.s. ‘your toddlers vs. assholes’ made me pee my pants (I only recently gave birth so there are a few things that will do that to me, but still – bravo)
Love your blog. This post made me snort not once but twice. Thanks, I needed that today! Good luck with all your shit (literal and figurative) I am your newest faithful follower 🙂
Morgan
When I turn 40 (in the not too distant future) I get to have my first colonoscopy! Yay, I then have to have one every second year for the rest of my life. Thank you dad fir giving me the gift that keeps on giving via an hereditary disease!
I was given the same collection kit years ago for my dog!! Seriously WTF!!?? It was a long night in the backyard with my dog with an upset tummy, an ice cream container and a KFC spoon!
Hi. You could use a child’s potty and then transfer using a plastic spoon that you can throw away. Terrible to have to go through all this.
Go to a Naturopath. They look at things differently than a regular doctors do.
I unfortunatley had to do it also. They didn’t give me the tray or spoons either…What I did (gag) was poo in a trash bag and use a plastic spoon with gloves…gross but it worked. I’ve had 2 colonoscopys (I’m only 23) and 2 endoscopys, numerous us’s and ct scans, none is fun espically not the colonoscopy with the stuff you gotta drink and all the pooing and the proceducers as well. Make sure you talk to your doctor about them to putting you to sleep, the last ones I did I woke up on both the colon and endo because they weren’t watching the dosage to keep me asleep (its not the one they use during surgeries but it’s enough to put you out and wake up feeling like you were just napping) and you will be fine the rest of the day. Good luck!!! I know this shit can be nerve racking, frustrating and make you emotional but hopefully they will find out soon and you won’t be so sick anymore.