Remember when I told you how I’m now known in my house as Drop Dead Diva? Well, due to what’s ailing me, my big test is finally here. Well, almost here…
Tomorrow morning my Mom will be my lucky escort to my first ever colonoscopy! As I’m sure you can all guess I am super excited. Even though the big day isn’t tomorrow, I still get to enjoy some of the real fun today.
The GI doctor referred to today as a “prep” day to cleanse the system before they go in for a fabulous photo shoot of my colon and surrounding areas. Now, as you can imagine, I am nervous about having my picture taken, and not so excited about the means in which the camera will be inserted, but I’m looking forward to my first ever mid-morning nap in more than seven years thanks to the Versed. I hear that I should remember nothing of the actual procedure, so I’m going to try to relax and hope they get my good side for the pictures.
Anyway, back to the shitty day I’ll be having soon…for my comfort I was allowed to have a couple eggs for breakfast, but no solid foods for me for probably 28 hours or so. Right now, I’m hungry enough to eat an old sock. On the way home from dropping off Jake at preschool I saw a man walking down the road, miles from any fast food establishments, holding a large container of french fries. Upon arriving home I was taunted by the aroma of chicken on the grill wafting through my windows. Sometimes I’m certain that the universe is fucking with me.
However, I do suspect that my hunger will soon dissipate as I’ll be beginning the cleansing at 3pm beginning with a couple oral laxatives. Around dinner time I need to start drinking 64oz of another laxative mixed with the clear beverage of my choice. Pino Grigio anyone? By my normal 9pm bedtime I need to take my final two poopie pills and pray that I don’t crap my pants in my sleep.
I’ve been advised that traveling far from an available bathroom would be a bad idea, so I’ve prepared myself an “essentials” basket for my long night in the loo.
I'm in it for the long haul with my Colonoscopy Prep Essentials Basket
The doctor’s office provided the laxative and were kind enough to throw in some baby wipes and some petroleum jelly (in the event of a sore rear). I’ve added a scented candle, extra toilet paper, Clorox Wipes, pleasantly scented bathroom odor eliminating spray, several magazines, a couple books (including a Bible just in case) as well as the iPad.
So wish me luck tomorrow and send some good vibes my way tonight…it’s gonna be shitty.
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That does not sound fun. Sounds like you are well prepared though!
you have my utmost empathy. i hope it isn’t as bad as some FB posters have said and i hope you get some friggin’ answers if you gotta do this! i will toast to you at dinner tonight!
Prep is the absolute worst part of the whole procedure…… My mid-day nap was one of the best naps I’ve ever had….just not long enough!!!! Looks like you are well prepared for the upcoming evening… Get through that and the rest is golden…
Enjoy your nap and a couple days of TLC after…..
I was lucky to get a couple hours of TLC, but the nap was ALMOST worth the prep!
I have lived it. I have crapped out my insides and had the results photographed. Get yourself something yummy tomorrow and consider sleeping on the toilet. When it’s all over, it’s over. No lingering pain and foggy druggy memories.
Tonight will be the worst of it, and if your a freak, like I am, you’ll be sickly fascinated with the whole evacuation process.
Good luck!
I should have listened to you and slept on the toilet….I had a couple close calls! But you were right…the prep was the worst of it!
just think, you’re doing a trendy “cleanse” — it’s the totally IT thing to do these days!
You know me, always up on the latest trends!
Another thought. You’d be soooo Katie Couric if you live tweeted this cleanse portion of your colonoscopy.
Good luck tonight and I will pray that your test tomorrow brings answers and subsequent curative treatment.
Thanks, Ashli! No answers yet, but procedure at least ruled out the worst fo what it could have been!
You know you are a sleep deprived mother when…a.) you think a colonoscopy sounds GRAND if it involves a nap and b.) you’re wondering how much cash you’d have to slip the anesthesiologist under the table to keep you sleeping for a couple extra hours.
I wish I had extra cash cause I would have bought myself an extra hour or two for sure! And it was the best nap eva…and almost made the prep worth it!
Good luck! Just think you’re probably losing weight painlessly (sort of)!
I did feel my skinniest in a long time after my prep day! I wanted to take a picture of the scale!
I’ve been through the process and all I can say is that you’ll be glad when it’s over. I don’t know what was worst, the preparation or the actual process. I was not sedated and thus, I was alert through the entire procedure. Not a good thing. Good luck! And I love that you’ve prepared a basket with essentials! I wish I had had such insight. I spent many boring hours in the toilet with nothing to do but stare at the wall!
Bella, I feel for you without sedation. I remember nothing of the procedure itself…and now if i could just forget the prep!!
Good luck, Girlfriend! The good news? This is totally VLOG worthy shit. Literally shit, but still…you get the idea.
I totally should have had it taped. Damn it!
It’s going to be better than you anticipate, and if it’s not, you’re not going to remember it! The best colonoscopy detail I’ve heard is that afterward, there’s a room where they put the post-procedural patients, still a bit loopy and very gassy, and they all kind of hang around farting in this dopey haze. Now isn’t that something to look forward to? Also, please post the photos of your sparkling intestines for our enjoyment.
lol…I almost posted the pictures, but decided against it. I did, however, really enjoy the whole “farting with strangers” thing
[...] What? No dinner first? [...]
Oh my LORD. I saw the Bible, and I peed my pants. Thanks for nothing. I’m still cackling like a crazy person.