Top 10 Bad Valentine’s Day Gifts

In all my product searching for my other bad gift guides, I came across more than my fair share of bad gifts for couples.  More than any other holiday, I thought they fit best of all for Valentine’s Day.  Just for fun I threw in some other bad gifts ideas for both men and women in case any of you needed a little more variety in your bad gifts.

bad valentine's day gifts 2012

1. The Sweat-heart Sweet-shirt.  It’s a sweatshirt built for two!  So whether you want to take a walk in the park, go tailgating at a football game, or just to snuggle on the couch, the Sweat-Heart Sweet-Shirt will make sure your honey can’t escape.

2. Smittens.  Do you love holding hands, but you hate when you do it while wearing gloves? Smittens are perfect for the couple who loves to hold hands, but want to have their skin touching (and probably sweating) as long as they are bound together by fabric. Comes also with a left & right glove for your other hands.

3.  A cigarette holder built for two.  It’s long been said that the couple who smokes together, stays together.  How romantic.

4.  His and her furniture.  Seriously? I don’t even know what to say about these chairs.

5.  His and her bikini jeans.  I know how jealous all the men were when I posted the Bikini Jeans for women in a previous gift guide, and the fashion industry has heard and answered your prayers.  This Valentine’s Day you can turn heads together in your matching thong/jean combos! Hot damn!

6. Glow in the Dark Bra.  Your lady might have told you that she was hoping for a spark in the bedroom, but I promise this is not what she meant.

7.  Private Part Pant Expanders for Men.  Ladies, there’s never a good reason to give this gift…unless you’re breaking up with someone, then it’s just funny.  If you think your fella doesn’t have the, ahem, necessary equipment to fill out the Bikini Jeans, maybe you skip the jeans and buy some matching tee shirts.

8.  Bad Jewelry. They say it’s the thought that counts, but sometimes some thoughts are better left unsaid…or in this case unstamped. And yes, there is such a thing as bad jewelry.

9.  Anything weight loss related.  This should be self explanatory, but please refrain from buying your loved one any gym memberships, weight loss books, scales, etc. or you may find yourself alone next Valentine’s Day!

10.  Date night…with the kids.  Even if you can’t get a sitter for Valentine’s Day itself, celebrate another time alone. It’s a couple’s holiday, and you shouldn’t drag the kids along (literally).

What’s the worst Valentine’s Gift you’ve ever received?  Leave me a comment!

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  1. kylie says

    In my early twenties i received some fake flowers in a terrarium like glass container, i thought hmm that is a little weird. When i got home my mum started laughing and told me they are fake flowers that people buy to put on gravestones. She really predicted the end of that relationship right there!

  2. Kim says

    Lol. Light up bra is my fav! Although I’d rather get something else, one of these would be better than nothing….at least give us a go od laugh.
    Fyi, I tried voting & it said the site owner reached their bandwidth

  3. Peg Butler says

    I find it amusing (and slightly horrifying) that the couple with the baby appear to be ICE SKATING! 😀 Nothing says ‘I love you’ like infanticide…

  4. MelindaB says

    What the-?! People actually have bought any of this stuff? That sweatshirt for two looks really uncomfortable (the man’s left arm goes behind the woman–hope he’s not a southpaw!) and the hood is at least halfway useless, as it appears that at least one ear of each person goes uncovered. Anybody who bought this deserved to be fleeced (ha! See what I did there?) out of $79.

    Peg Butler, I was also horrified at the baby sling used while ice skating…well, used at all, really. But ice skating seems an especially precarious activity while suspending an infant between you.

    • Brandy says

      If ya look at the picture, his arm is over the woman’s left shoulder and she’s holding it. But I definitely agree, it’s a TERRIBLE design, doesn’t look comfortable at all….certainly a vertical dutch oven for sure. LOL

  5. Connie Levline says

    since it’s been double digit years since my ass has been that small…I would need a much bigger chair…

  6. says

    Can’t remember the worst Valentine’s gift I ever got… but I had to laugh at the ‘Smittens’. I found some at one of our local Dollar Stores & bought a set as a joke for my son & his new fiance… lol They laughed.

  7. says

    I’ve probably told you this before but my youngest son is a Valentine’s Day baby. He was the BEST not to mention the ONLY Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever received from my husband. Although I don’t know if screaming my lungs out and pushing a kid out of my vajay constitutes a celebration of romance.

  8. andrea says

    My dad, who I think is the worst gift giver EVER, gave my mom a chia-pet and a curling iron. Its been 13 years and he still hasn’t lived it down. Last year it was a roaster, noth’n says loven’ like get your ass in the kitchen and make me a turkey! i think Dad just needs to stick to flowers lol.

  9. says

    I just wanted to stop by and leave a comment to tell you I love your blog! I’ve been reading past posts and your sense of humor is just my cup of tea! I laugh at almost everything you say especially with your children! Your top 10’s are always the best because I can’t believe what ridiculous things you find! Hopefully one day soon I’ll have an awesome blog – not like you – but similar in my own little way :) . Look forward to future posts!

  10. Patty says

    The article is amazing, as is your blog. But seriously, the reply section and community formed are just as awesome! and for the record, I did buy a pump for a man as a break up “present” when I found out he was cheating:) Immature, but still completely hilarious.

  11. Jeanette says

    Hearing my plea for a traditional valentines with chocolate and a nice drink, he bought me a bottle of coke and a toblerone. Believe it or not, we are still married but he’s never lived it down. :)

  12. Sara T says

    When I was 20, my then-boyfriend gave me a red hair dryer. Notice that I said, “then-boyfriend”.

  13. Sparkina says

    I happen to disagree about the light-up bra. It’s a beautiful, sparkly, glamorous, unusual item. Are there panties to match?

  14. Annalise says

    When I was 19 my boyfriend gave me a pair of cross earrings that didn’t match. I asked where he bought them so I could exchange them for ones that did match.It turns out he gave me earrings he used to wear when he was in a punk rock phase because he forget to get me a gift. Needless to say we weren’t together too much longer. Luckily I ended up marrying a guy that is a total romantic!

  15. Paige Holliman says

    The first item just starts my imagination off and running and I’m giggling over the idea of a snuggie for two. Now there’s an idea I can get into… With George Clooney, or maybe Brad Pitt… LOL!

  16. says

    Now I really want to buy most of these things just to horrify my husband. His look = priceless. Thanks for all the great ideas. He’ll be thrilled!