10 (Insulting) Compliments from Kids

Kids generally mean well, but sometimes their compliments leave a little to be desired.  Sure, they’re trying to say something nice, but there’s something that gets lost in translation from the kid’s mouth to the adult’s ears.

I could have a list a mile long, but these are some of my recent favorites…out of the mouth of (my) babes:

1.  I’m sure glad that Moms are so soft!

2.  Mom!  Your silver (gray) hairs are so fancy!

3.  You’re pretty smart, Mom. When I get to be 63, I hope I’m as smart as you!

4.  My favorite shape is a circle because that’s the same shape as you!

5.  Your butt looks just like a pillow pet.

6.  Oh! Your dress is pretty…but you should probably try to do something nicer with your hair.

7.  My Mom is a great cook. Her best dish is Mac&Cheese in a box. (on a card from preschool)

8.  I like your mustache much better than Dad’s.  Yours is soft and his is prickly.

9.  Mom! Please don’t sing, it hurts my ears. Don’t worry though, you’ve got moves like Jagger! You can just dance!

10.  You’re lucky to have a baby bump even though you don’t have a baby in your belly. They’re popular!

Further proof Mother Nature designs little kids to be so cute for a reason…

p.s. Thanks for all the well-wishes!  After 21 straight days of fever and sickness (a handful of pediatrician visits, Chest Xrays, ER Visits & more), all three of my kids are back to good health!  Time to Lysol-bomb the house and hope it stays this way a while!

What well meaning yet totally insulting compliments have your kids given to you? Leave me a comment!

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Comments

  1. lara says

    those are all truly fantastic! my lovely, then 5 yr old, told me that he likes to lay near me to watch a show because i’m so soft and squishy.

  2. Marietts says

    My then 4 yr old son asked me where I lived when dinosaurs were here. I told him I lived in a cave. Our summer trip the following year was to my home town; where we were able to visit the Carlsbad Caverns!

  3. Ivy says

    My 4-year old daughter crawled into bed with us after waking up, then announced she had to go potty. She asked me to “Please go to the bathroom first, because your butt is so big it will warm the entire toilet seat” when she went after me. So glad I can be of service to you!

  4. andrea says

    LOL. We took our 4 kids to a tractor pull one Sat. night. It ran a little long and my youngest who was 4 at the time was getting sleepy and kept wiggling in my lap trying to get comfortable. When i asked her what was wrong she said “Mommy your boobs are too fat!” i don’t remember when that’s ever been a problem but apparently to a sleepy kid it is.

  5. Sandy says

    My five year old daughter said to me “Why is your belly big like that? Do you have a baby in it?” “I hope so, I want a baby”.

  6. Terri Ann says

    I had just gotten out of the shower and headed to my closet to get some clothes…my 12 year old daughter came in and said, “Wow, Mom, I didn’t know you were so fat. You hide it really well.”

  7. says

    Sooo glad to hear the kids are all better. Yay!

    From maybe 2-4years old, my son used to point to pictures of Heidi Klum in my magazines and say “It’s MAMA!!”.
    I pointed to one recently (he’s 6.5yo now) and said “Who does this look like?”
    He was lost.
    Confused.
    I reminded him of what he used to say, and he laughed, saying “No WAY Mom.”

    Uh. Thanks, kid.

  8. Karen says

    Your halo is guaranteed in heaven!!! If my girls ever said anything to me I have totally and completely erased “said comments” from my memory base.

  9. Carol Anne says

    My beautiful daughter at the tender age of 5 said, “Mommy, you’re not fat, you’re just fluffy.” Too cute, and true, so I had to laugh.

    • Krissy says

      Hahaha!I just posted the exact same thing. i used to say that to my mom. for a moment there…. I had to double check your name and make sure you weren’t my mom lol

  10. christine wachter says

    My darling seven years old told me the other day that I look 40……and I’m only 30….she saved herself a bit when she said daddy looks 49. (He’s 31).

    And she also told me to “live with it” when referencing her new haircut that makes her look older than seven.

  11. Cassie says

    My son just told me last night while I’m being a total slug in bed: “Mom, you don’t look as pretty in your glasses as you do when you aren’t wearing them.” Thanks kid, you are out of my will!!

  12. Shalon says

    When my son was 5 (he’s almost 7 now), he was watching me slather hair gel in my hair before work one morning. He asked me why I was putting it in my hair and I told him, “Because I have the nappiest hair in the free world”, to which he replied, “You have beautiful nappy hair, Mom”. :)

  13. Sheila says

    My 3 yr old just told me I was not fat because of the baby, that I’m just fat. To which I replied “well just remember I’m the fat person on the couch with the chocolate milk and all you get is 2%”. she didn’t think it was as funny after that.

  14. Kari says

    oh boy, do I have plenty! haha!
    My favorite:
    One day when I was pregnant with my son, my daughter (who was 4 at the time) was waiting for me to get out of the shower. As I was drying off she says, “Mommy, you look like a big, shiny, beautiful, wet whale!”

    • Kari says

      Actually she said, “Big ol, shiny, wet whale”. When I said, “Uh, thanks….” She replied, “Well you do! A beautiful whale!” smh

  15. says

    My kids are no longer at that age where they try to be complimentary but are actually being insulting. Now they are insulting because they WANT to be. They rip on me because I’m an easy target. They are sarcastic, sardonic and sharp-tongued. And grounded. They are grounded a lot.

  16. CJ Roque says

    After eating a particularly heavy meal, my 2 year old looked like he was ready to burst. So I asked him “you ate so much, who has a big tummy?’ he looked at me and smiled “Mommy!”

  17. Connie says

    A friend posted on FB that her son said “Mom, I don’t know why you’re so tired. It’s not like you go to school all day like me”.

  18. Momof4boys says

    My 4 yr old said to me last night, “mommy I love you because you’re so snuggly”….as he’s hugging me from behind, while I was making supper, and his head is same height as my rear….never heard my backside being called “snuggly” before!

  19. says

    My wife to my (skin-and-bones) 5-year-old: You really need to eat more, you’re too skinny.
    My son: But i don’t want to be fat like you mommy!

  20. kylie says

    when the school newsletter came home a few weeks ago with an announcement that my 6 year old’s (very, very thin) kindy teacher was pregnant, i asked mr 6 yo if she had a baby bump tummy yet. he replied: no, not really, well her belly isnt as big as yours.

    thanks son, you do realise that i am NOT having a baby dont you??

  21. says

    Just today, my friend’s daughter asked her why she had eye lashes coming out the sides of her eyes (referring, of course, to those crows feet wrinkles we all know and love).

  22. mamadz says

    My son ( age 6) said to me on my 37th birthday.
    Son: Mommy I’m confused.” Insert puzzled look here.
    Me: What are you confused about baby? Insert unexpecting face here.
    Son: How come you are SO OLD…But look so young?
    Insert moment of joy…then confusion…lol!

  23. Talex says

    I’m a 55 year old grandmother of two. One day I remarked that I would be so happy to see them grown up with families of their own, when my 6 year old grandson looked at me and said, “Oh, no, Nana, you’ll be dead by then.”
    I laughed and said, “Nooo, I won’t, I’ll be here to see you all grown up.” To which his 8 year old sister looked at me consideringly saying, “Sure hope you’re right, Nana, sure hope you’re right…” while slowly shaking her head. As if to say “you poor delusional soul, tsk, tsk”

  24. Stephanie says

    I was standing in church a couple months back. We’d just finished a pot luck dinner and were coming back into the building for our afternoon services. I was standing next to the bathroom when this boy (around 11, I think) asked me how old I was to which I replied, “25”. He then gave me this really, really rude expression with his face all screwed up and said (paraphrasing), “But you’re short like a kid!” (I’m around 4 ‘9). He acted like he didn’t believe me and then proceeded to turn around and tell one of the men that I was short and an adult even though he has just started attending this church and I’ve been going here since I was in elementary school. :P

    Just after that, he came at me with another question: “What do you like to do for fun?” to which I replied, “write”. He takes on the same rude, sneery expression and asks, “Huh? Write??” like I’ve just said something totally dense. I have to elaborate, saying I like to write stories. Then he just sort of walks away. lol Strange kid.

  25. says

    When my daughter, who I refer to as Girl, 12, was 4 years old, she was giving me a hug and rubbing my back. Her hands stopped just above my bra line, and she asked me, “Mama…why you got boobs on your back?” If it wasn’t so friggen funny, I would have cried! Explaining back fat to a 4 year old isn’t easy!

  26. Krissy says

    My mom was complaining one day about being “fat.” I think I was about 8ish when I said, “You’re not fat! You’re fluffy and I like it.” We still say that 21 years later LOL

  27. Kathy says

    I was babysitting a very precocious little 3 year old when it became time for lunch. I made Becky a grilled cheese sandwich, and tossed up a salad for myself, as I was trying so hard to lose a few pounds. As we were eating, Becky asked me why I was eating a salad instead of what she was eating. I told her it was because I really needed to lose a few pounds so I would look nicer. She thought about it, then leaned over to look at me around the corner of the table and said “Oh…well….it’s not working ya know!” ROTFL!

  28. Amy says

    My kid told me the other day, “no, you don’t look fat. But the horizontal stripes around the middle there are not helping.” I told him he’s grounded until he’s 30.

  29. Emily says

    My 9 year old son just asked me the other day if I was ever pretty, like when I was younger (I’m 30, and feel fairly attractive)!!

  30. your_pal_nancy says

    Once my neice brought me a small mirror and said “look how fat your face looks! And you’re not even that fat!!”. These comments are really inspiring me to lose weight before my son can talk!

  31. Jo says

    My son informed me one day at dinner that I looked just like fat Albert. Gee… thanks! He was so sweet and sincere. My husband almost blew milk out of his nose he was trying so hard not to laugh!

  32. Kim Rogers says

    Just came over from crappy blog and I have tears down my cheeks from these “compliments” – the pillow pet and baby bump put me over the edge LOL My kids always tell me they love that I’m squishy… awesome.

  33. Angie says

    I just popped over from the Crappy Blog and was laughing so loud my oldest daughter (13) asked me if I was okay. Thank you for making my day. :)

    Recently my lovely 5 year old daughter asked me why I had so many marks on my belly, and veins on my legs. Hmmm. Having kids my dear. I better start coming up with a better story if I want grandkids. lol

    My favorite compliment from adults is “WOW, you look so good for having five kids. “So, what if I only had let’s say two kids I’d be less attractive?” Probably. I think most people are just surprised I’m dressed and fairly sane looking. :)

  34. Elaine says

    My daughter saw my stretch marks from two pregnancies and noted, ” Wow, what pretty silver lines you have, Mommy!” I repiled, “Thank you, Lauren, they were a gift from you and your sister!”

  35. says

    When my daughter was 4, we were looking at pictures of my baby shower, and she said “Wow! your tummy was so big!” I said “Well, that’s because I was carrying YOU around in there!” So then she looked at me, patted my stomach and said “Who are you carrying around NOW?”

    • Carlie says

      Hehe,, had a laugh at this one. My son has asked me the same thing. he has a younger brother but is desperate for a ‘girl baby’. Asked me one day while patting my belly. “Do you have my girl baby in there?”

  36. Nicola says

    My 4yr old daughter told me last week that my wheelchair was in the car boot.. I asked why was I needing a wheelchair? She said because your so old!!! I’m only 35 and both legs are in working order!!

  37. EC says

    My cousin’s daughter (4) was sitting on my lap and asked me if I had a baby in my belly – I said did not and was completely offended until she followed up with “then why are your boobies so big?”

    ok kid, you can stay.

    • Catherine Woods says

      Me, 39 years and 30 weeks pregnant. Daughter, 4, enters bathroom as I step out of shower. As I am drying off, she pats me softly and says,” When I get old, I hope I have a ripply butt like yours.” Ouch

      • Mom who conveniently forgets what her kid's compliments are says

        Aww, thank you my dear, you may have it when you are old (and I hope you still like it then)

  38. Stephanie Porter says

    My 5 year old son told me I looked like a circle once, except he was wondering how I get through the rectangle door.. :/ lol

  39. meli b says

    My 4 yr old son is always assuming this or that is because Im “old”. “Mommy, why do you wear glasses? Is it because you’re OLD?” “Mommy, why do you’re eyes have red lines (blood shot), is it because you’re OLD?” ARGHH. Yes, yes Im freakin old.

  40. Cynthia says

    Once when I was about 38 weeks pregnant, I was over at my sister’s house helping her clean. I was running the vacuum and panting while I was doing it. She didn’t have A/C on in the house and again, 38 weeks pregnant. Anyway, my niece (probably around 6 years old) comes up to me and says “why are you breathing so hard? Is it because your butt is so big??” After, I got over the shock of her statement I couldn’t stop laughing. :-)

  41. Briana says

    Husband: Please try to talk nicer to Mom today, okay Buddy?

    4 Year-Old: Okay. Your hair is beautiful, Mommy. And so are your eyeballs. But your pajamas are boring and your nose is disgusting.

  42. May says

    When my daughter was 18 months I had a son. Every morning she would wake up just before he did and we would have a few minutes of alone time. We sat on my bed, she facing me sitting on my lap. She would tell me how pretty I was and how she wished when she grew up she would have all these wonderful attributes as well. She would start with my hair, stroking it and saying ” your hair is so pretty, I want to have hair just like yours when I grow up. Then proceed to my face, moving downwards to my “boobies”. She would continue by saying ” oh mommy your boobies are so pretty…” Reaching atop my robe to pat them, But then paused, a befuddled look on her face. “Where are they?” (More patting about) ” oh here they are! By your belt!”
    Now 17 years later not a day has gone by where she doesn’t wear a bra day and night.

  43. Hannah says

    My cousins daughter was over for Christmas at our house and my sister and I were playing with her (my sister was adopted from China but is naturally dark) she looks at me then my sister and says, “hey Hannah why is Keri black and your white?” She was 4 and it was cute but I will make fun of her for the rest of her life :D

  44. Karrina says

    I was taking a bath with my daughter when she was probably 3 or 4. After scrubbing her down, she wanted to “help” me…
    She pointed to my breasts & says “do you want me to lift these up & wash under them”????
    Gee, thanks anyway!! LoL!!

  45. says

    I have curly hair. EXTREMELY curly hair, which gets pretty frizzy (nappy) in humid weather. One morning, while getting ready for work, I was in the bathroom slathering copious amounts of gel in my hair when my (then) 5 year old son came to stand in the doorway and watch. The following conversation ensued:

    Son: Mom, what are you doing to your hair?
    Me: I’m putting gel in it.
    Son: Why?
    Me: Because I have the nappiest hair in the free world.
    Son: Aw, Mom. You have beautiful nappy hair.

    Thanks. I think…

  46. Monika says

    My son, then 9, complimented me by saying, “Mom, you’re on the verge of pretty, whatever that means.”
    LOL! The verge.
    The same son has told me that if I lost enough weight to be thin he wouldn’t recognize me.

  47. Sarah says

    My 6 year old son said, “Mom, I am so proud of you for losing so much weight! You used to be WAY bigger! And you should still lose some more…”
    He redeemed himself though when I asked him why he thought I should lose more. He said, “Because you want to and I want you to be happy.” :)

  48. Sarah says

    When my son was 4 we were walking out the door to go to the store when he suddenly grabbed my arm. He looked at my face and said, “Aren’t you going to wear makeup?!” I said “No, why?” He replied, “Because you look so pretty with lots of makeup on!” Ummmm, thanks? Lol

  49. Stephen says

    My now 8 year old sister, we were sitting watching tv, silently. Suddenly she jumps in her new shoes and said, “when I was born I was wearing these shoes!” My dad laughed so hard that he went to sleep and she went into the room, asked him, “dad does laughing make you old?” She somehow remembers that day very well and is an extremely funny little girl.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Check out this awesome set of backhanded compliments and illustrations from Crappy Pictures, based off of a list of crappy compliments from kids compiled by Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva! Haha! You can get the complete list of backhanded compliments from kids from Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva including… [...]

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