An old friend, whom I had not seen in several years, came by recently for a visit. She now lives out of state, is recently married, but does not have any children. It’s always fun to catch up with old friends, particularly ones who shared some of my more adventurous, youthful days, and it’s always enjoyable to see their reaction to my lifestyle now.
A decade ago, when we were thick as thieves, you might have seen me doing something stupid like mixing beer and liquor on a crazy night out, often with a regrettable morning after. Now, the only crazy mixing I might do is mixing my lights and darks in the laundry…sometimes with no visible consequences…other times with all my husband’s white tee shirts turned pink.
I digress…
This was actually the first time my friend had been to my new house (that I’ve lived in since late 2006), and it was also the first time she met Jake and Cecilia. The kids were pretty rambunctious which is not at all unexpected around a fun, new visitor, but we made it through the entire visit without any meltdowns, cursing (from me or them), and without any giant messes.
Thankfully my friend had called before stopping down which allowed me to make my house about as presentable as it could be given the current occupants. After the kids settled, I gave her a tour. Then we quietly settled in the family room with some adult beverages as the conversation turned to what I’ve been up to these days as I tried to mockingly put my feet up in the recliner to demonstrate how I spend my most of my time. The recliner, however, wouldn’t recline as intended because my daughter had pushed her rocking horse directly up against the back as we were talking. I forced a laugh and only half joked that my kids won’t even let me pretend to relax.
I apologized in jest for the condition of the house with rocking horses, bins of Lego’s and the thousand other toys strewn about the room. She pretended to be disgusted, and then offered a polite compliment; “Seriously, I love your house. It’s so cozy and warm. I just love all your furniture; I have a ton of Shabby Chic stuff too.”
Now, she really wasn’t meaning to offend, however, most of my Shabby Chic furniture wasn’t designed or purchased as Shabby Chic at all. In fact, upon receipt of said furniture, my entertainment center, end tables, and desk specifically, were all unmarked, undented, polished wood. Thanks to the handy work of my children, nearly every wooden surface in my home, and some other surfaces too, are now totally distressed.
Upon telling my sweet friend that although I have a lot of shabby chic accent pieces, none of my furniture was actually intended to look this way. I almost felt bad for admitting that fact as her face flushed and she said, “Well, some people pay a lot of money for this look…like me.”
It was then I had a flash of brilliance.
People pay for this look.
My kids are great at creating this look.
People can pay my children to create this look for them.
Just take a look at a few of their shabby chic creations around my home:
Observe just how Shabby Chic this four year old end table is after my kids used the toys displayed as distressing tools. Simple yet effective.
Also effective are other wooden toys turned tools like pound-a-peg.
Metal Tonka Trucks work best and produce the most distressed marks in the quickest time on wooden furniture. However, others work well too like these hard plastic Hess trucks.
Actual toy tools work wonders for making wicker look worn. How chic!
Colored pencils, when pressed as hard as possible, create treasured drawings that will be forever etched in my oak desk. Awesome and chic.
Who says you need to stop distressing at furniture and floors? Jake and Buzz demonstrate just how easily Shabby Chic translates to walls.
FOR HIRE:
Three Shabby Chic Professionals.
Create the look you’ve always wanted,
but could never afford!
We bring our own tools,
can distress any wooden surface
(and others) in your home for a low, hourly rate.
Mom on site.
Satisfaction guaranteed!
What do you think? Don’t you love my shitty chic, I mean shabby chic furniture? Leave me a comment and let me know if you have your own “distressors” at home!
Love your blog!
Makes me laugh every time I read it.
haha I use to look at my coffee table and moan about all the scrapes, etc my kids and dogs have inflicted. Now I will look at it as the very cool piece of furniture it apparently is! How much do you think your friend would pay for it?
I have my very own “distressor” too! Except he is only 17 months old and has the same set of Black & Deckor tools. If you contract out your jobs I’m sure my son would love the job. He gets tired of distroying the same furniture daily. Thanks for the laugh.
We finally bought a nice pine coffee table and end tables, our first non dead relative furniture. Within THREE days every bit of it had pen carvings in it! That soft pine was just irresistible! Close to 30 years later we still have it with the reminders of when our *sniff* babies still lived at home. (that and the red marker spots on the 9 foot ceiling that no one owned up to!)
You are soooooooo funny!!!! Always brighten my day! What a gift! <3
First, and most importantly, I’ve voted for you three times now. Yes, I *will* be your best friend.
Second, I’m kind of grateful for this post. All of my only two-year old furniture, that was NOT cheap (because I’m an idiot), is shitty chic. I hate it. I thought, really, that I was just a crappy mother who cannot keep her grubby kids under control. You’ve liberated me! Now I know I’m part if a designer movement.
Bless you Susan.
I too have 3 of those distressors in my house. I gripe on a regular basis about how we can’t have nice things….maybe I can start to look at it a little differently….although the sharpie on the new dresser….well that one I am not sure I can get past. The oldest took a silver sharpie and labeled his dresser with what goes in his drawers….arrrghhhh.
Steff
In my pregnant deliriousness I painted my entire main level a lovely shade of blue…thinking how wonderful and calm having a 4th baby come to our family in November….in Wisconsin….wth was I thinking!?
Every mark, chocolate or permanent marker outline of a hand shows up beautifully!!
Oh..and our puppy tore the living room carpet up and ate ia good chunk of it!
I have my own crew-but truly, they only manage to carve their names into dressers, leave cold beverages condensing on tabletops, and break lighting fixtures by throwing balls in the house.
Less “Shabby Chic”, more “WarZone Destitute”.
We could offer both, in a joint effort!
I’ll bring the Prozac.
I myself will under duress, claim two “contractors”. I am proud to announce:
“I WIN!”
I have it figured out ladies!
Partially because the contractor who gets paid in the house enjoys rejuvenating wood, and partially because I never again wanted to move an oak anything, most of my furniture (coffee tables, end tables, bar, etc) are all made out of old pickets! Yes! That wonderful wood that many people trash every few years is actually very viable! Kids can have their “accidents” all over it and you really can’t tell. Any Sharpie that gets on it is easily scratched off as it is slightly flaky. Truth be told, until my kiddos are around 10+ years of age I will be whole-heartedly embracing the rustic look!
Now I know how they make that shabby chic furniture!
I have 4 little distressors and one in training for hire in SJ! We have added character to furniture and walls and anything you might want aged to perfection. They do amazing work no part of the house is off limits.. They have even taken the techniques to the inside of our mini van… lol
The marines and my kids have the same motto: “When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed!” my kids like to F#*k with everything! I can’t ever have anything nice!! I have those same holes in my wicker baskets too! I also have a huge piece of our wood staircase missing, but “no one” did it!! That’s another problem in my house, two culprits : “not me” and “I didn’t do it” if I could catch those two I’d ring there necks!!!
I have two destroyers in my house too. One is three and the other is 48. My grandmother has joked that I should hire them out as product testers. If there is a way to break it they will find it. The toddler through explorative means and my husband will likely break it through user error. The most memorable disasters were the shower my toddler broke and my husband melted my wet/dry hand vacuum in the oven.
My Youngest DeSTRESSer is an artist beyond compare and also a covert worker. When he was 2 we repainted the dining room and for the next 6 months we began noticing 2 year old height art work popping up all over the room. We took crayons away to no avail he had a stash. We finally gave up and decided to repaint it when he was older. Flash forward 3 years… I now own a $1200 oak roll top desk. Bought specifically so the little terrorist can’t get at my computer. One day I am out of the room doing something he is in there and decides to demonstrate his newly developed writing skills by writing his and his sisters name in sharpie on my $1200 desk.
I’m still waiting for contaminated carpet to be “in.” Nothing says style like puke, wine and dog crap.
ps–Just found your blog and LOVE it. Going on this new blogger’s blogroll ASAP!
This is awesome, I’ll be giving you a call soon about getting your crew in here to create the chabby chic look to compliment the gum, smashed chocolate, grease, and soft drink-embellished sectional in our family room.
[...] In my last post I told you how an old friend came to visit and let me know my furniture wasn’t ruined by my kids, but rather it was actually shabby chic. Who knew? One other thing I took from her visit was how different my life is now compared to when we were close friends ten years ago. [...]
I love your positive spin on the damage our little monkeys do to our home and furniture. I will have to tell the hubs about your post, since every time the kids poke, prod, mark, ink up, or distress any expensive object in the home, he freaks out.
Shabby chic. I love it! Who knew it was fashionable to be destroyed. My three kids are just as good at creating this “style.”
Four years? My stuff looks like that and I just bought it in November! My dark wood coffee table has permanent etchings from those little cars that you have to push backwards before they go forwards. Apparently you CAN press them down hard enough to scratch wood. And then the end tables are warperd because people spill drinks, cover the mess with paper towels and leave it until the paper towels dry. Apparently, if you tent a book over it, it’s better than getting in trouble because no one can see it.
[...] now that I have children, my decor and furniture has gone from chic to shabby, but nonetheless I still try to make my home warm and [...]
[...] now that I have children, my decor and furniture has gone from chic to shabby, but nonetheless I still try to make my home warm and [...]
[...] 6. Those dents, scratches and nicks in my furniture don’t make my stuff crappy; it’s actually really shabby chic. [...]