Many of you hear the word fantasy and probably immediately think I’m going to start talking about something like Fifty Shades of Grey.
Perhaps it’s because I haven’t read any of the books in the Fifty Shades series, but I find myself fantasizing about other things…
In the midst of my daily madness, when my mind to drifts away from the drudgery of another load of laundry to fold, I let myself dream as far as my mind will take me.
Sadly though, it rarely seems to wander very far…
Maybe I’ve watched one too many episodes of Elmo’s World.
Maybe I’m so sleep deprived that as soon as I let it, my brain chooses to snooze rather than explore.
Maybe the imagination is the first thing to go, and the next thing you know, you’ll find me wearing Mom Jeans and talking about how loud the music seems…
So in the quiet moments, while I’m matching socks and trying to block out Nick Jr., I retreat inward and these are the kinds of things I see coming to life in my daydreams:
~Ah ha! Here it is! The instructions to dismantling the alarm that immediately alerts my kids whenever my ass hits a chair! Now I can enjoy my soaps and bon-bons in peace.
~ Laundry Fairy. Seriously, where is that bitch?
~ Oh, good. Cellulite is “in” this season.
~ Now where did I put my Kid Remote that has that the ‘Snooze, Mute, and Volume’ buttons?
~ I want to be a part of a flash mob one day. Only, I don’t want to spontaneously start dancing; I want to be in a flash mob where everyone spontaneously sits down and starts drinking wine. That way, if no one else shows up, I’m still drinking wine. Wine/Wine = Win/Win
~ Whew! That was close! I’m so glad that my foot sensors alerted me to that Lego before I stepped on it in bare feet!
~ There has to be a way to suck in back fat. I’m just not using my muscles the right way. Maybe if I lay on my stomach and breathe in deeply while trying to pull my chest forward. Hurray, it works!
~ I just love my new David Beckham Pillow Pet! (Seriously, they really need to make one)
Okay, so my fantasies are lame, but by definition I’m imagining things that are impossible or improbable, so lame or not they are fantasies nonetheless.
What are your Mom-fantasies? Leave me a comment and let me know where your mind takes you…