Many of you hear the word fantasy and probably immediately think I’m going to start talking about something like Fifty Shades of Grey.
Naughty girls.
Perhaps it’s because I haven’t read any of the books in the Fifty Shades series, but I find myself fantasizing about other things…
In the midst of my daily madness, when my mind to drifts away from the drudgery of another load of laundry to fold, I let myself dream as far as my mind will take me.
Sadly though, it rarely seems to wander very far…
Maybe I’ve watched one too many episodes of Elmo’s World.
Maybe I’m so sleep deprived that as soon as I let it, my brain chooses to snooze rather than explore.
Maybe the imagination is the first thing to go, and the next thing you know, you’ll find me wearing Mom Jeans and talking about how loud the music seems…
*Shudder*
So in the quiet moments, while I’m matching socks and trying to block out Nick Jr., I retreat inward and these are the kinds of things I see coming to life in my daydreams:
~Ah ha! Here it is! The instructions to dismantling the alarm that immediately alerts my kids whenever my ass hits a chair! Now I can enjoy my soaps and bon-bons in peace.
~ Laundry Fairy. Seriously, where is that bitch?
~ Oh, good. Cellulite is “in” this season.
~ Now where did I put my Kid Remote that has that the ‘Snooze, Mute, and Volume’ buttons?
~ I want to be a part of a flash mob one day. Only, I don’t want to spontaneously start dancing; I want to be in a flash mob where everyone spontaneously sits down and starts drinking wine. That way, if no one else shows up, I’m still drinking wine. Wine/Wine = Win/Win
~ Whew! That was close! I’m so glad that my foot sensors alerted me to that Lego before I stepped on it in bare feet!
~ There has to be a way to suck in back fat. I’m just not using my muscles the right way. Maybe if I lay on my stomach and breathe in deeply while trying to pull my chest forward. Hurray, it works!
~ I just love my new David Beckham Pillow Pet! (Seriously, they really need to make one)
Okay, so my fantasies are lame, but by definition I’m imagining things that are impossible or improbable, so lame or not they are fantasies nonetheless.
What are your Mom-fantasies? Leave me a comment and let me know where your mind takes you…
I’d like a fast forward button for the child that just screamed at me to hurry up and take her to the toilet, then took 10 minutes to dawdle her way to the bathroom.
I often dream that there was a sound proof window right behind the driver and passenger seat in my SUV that I could open and close only from the front seat..
A force field over my 2 yr olds bed that keeps him from climbing out at 3am, running into my room and going “hi mommy!”
Hysterical!!!
I want a finely tuned EMP that rids my house of all forms of dust… and cobwebs. Somebody invent this PLEASE!!!
I’m pretty sure all of your fantasies have been dreams of mine in the past few years.. I would also like to add:
Oh my the little house fairy did such a nice job deep cleaning my house while her little massage fairy rubbed my shoulders
AND
Friday night.. Time to set the sleep late controls, that way no one accidently forgets to wake up after 10am tomorrow for Sleep In Saturday (in my dreams my 2yr old and 3m old both sleep peacefully as long as i would like them too once a week…AND the husband has the breakfast hot and ready when i roll out of bed)
Impossible and improbable fantasy I retreat to most? Sleeping without interruption as long as the sun does; showering on a daily basis without interruption AND shaving my legs AND washing my hair in the one same said shower; having time to fix my hair after said shower; having my nails did after said shower and hair do!
I’m pretty sure this is possible with a spa day and a babysitter, but out here in the sticks that’s about as likely as me going one day without some form of livestock excrement on my shoes, person, or clothing :/
Love all of your fantasies! It reminds me of the book, “Porn for New Moms.”
Seriously, if you haven’t read “Fifty Shades of Grey,” you must read it SOON!!! When I was reading it, my husband would find me huddled in the bathroom hiding from my family.
I dream of a magical contraption that removes all dirt from my children’s bodies before they enter the house. Oh wait, I think something like that might exist. What’s it called again? Oh yeah, a hose. Never mind. (Note to self: get good spray nozzle for the hose next time at Home Depot.)
Love the David Beckham Pillow Pet idea…can we make a Channing Tatum one too, while we are at it? I also daydream about taking all of the laundry living in my basement, bagging it up, throwing it all away, and starting fresh! Doesn’t that sound heavenly?
“Where’s that button that makes my kid clean up after herself without whining about it???”
This is my daily dream. I can clean and clean and clean and get my home sparkly and pretty… And then my almost 13 year old comes through and it looks just like it did before. *sigh*
Oh laundry fairy, yes. Or Noey’s throw it out and start with new clothes….although that wouldn’t’ be living simply or green….gahhhhh! I LOVE YOUR WINE FLASH MOB, but try a mojito sometime. Favorite moment last week was my bestie visiting overnight and knocking back a few of those during kiddos naptime. Then cooking Ethiopian food for three hours. Yeah, domestic like THAT.
I honestly dream about chocolate all day long… I can deal with any problem as long as I have an adequate amount of chocolate.
i too daydream of a david beckham pillow pet!!