I’m not picking sides in the Mommy Wars (aka stay at home versus working Moms).
First of all, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve worked because I had to work, but I have also worked because I wanted to work.
Then when I decided to stay home, it was an adjustment that was not without a number of sacrifices, but for me it was the right choice.
Furthermore, I may find myself back in the workplace in the future.
I can sympathize with people who have to work.
I respect Moms who choose to work.
I am currently a Mom who works full time around the house.
These so called Mommy Wars are something I never mentioned before because it’s not an issue to me. It’s just another way some people want to divide us up and pit us against each other.
We should be supporting each other.
Each Mom needs to decide what works best for her and her family. This may change and she may need to adjust her position to meet her family’s needs, and that’s okay too.
YOU need to do what is right for your situation.
It’s easy to jump in and judge someone else for the choices that they have made with or without having walked in their shoes. Whenever I feel tempted to weigh in on issues like this, I try to remember what I really need to do is to keep my focus on my family. Raising my own children is challenging enough without expending extra time and energy worrying and arguing about the choices other people are making for their families.
So when someone snidely remarked to me yesterday, “Oh, you JUST stay at home?”
I let it roll off my back.
However, I bring it up now because if this woman, in the position she was in, had said that to another Mom, that Mom may have felt bad about herself and the choices she has made.
So until people start raising perfect children in perfect households (whether they are working or stay at home Moms), they should start keeping their opinions to themselves.
And my unsolicited advice to anyone who might find themselves receiving the opinion of another…
No matter who you are, or what you do, you just need to rock it.
Whether you have chosen to work or stay home, or whether you are there because you have to be, do the best you can where ever you are now, no matter the reason.
Let’s stop trying to divide each other.
Let’s start respecting each other.
Let’s start supporting each other.
Let’s try to be the best Moms we can be where ever we are…
And to the woman who thought she was making me feel wrong for once being a working mother, who now just stays home,
Yes, I do just stay home… and by the way, I’m fucking awesome at it.
Rock it, Mamas! No matter who you are, what you do, rock that shit!
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I’ve followed you for awhile, and probably never posted a comment, but….I heart you. I kind of wish we were neighbors so we could fist-pump at the mailbox. Keep up the good work! Oh, and I work full-time because I choose to, and I don’t have the energy or skills it takes to be a full-time mom. And when my emails are slow I read blogs, like yours, and then I’m sane when my kids come home
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I’m with ya sista-friend….I’m with ya.
I agree with you! Us mom’s have got to stick together instead of letting something like stay at home mom vs. working mom tear us apart! Fist-pump back at ya.
Word, cuz.
wish you had said that to her face. It’s disrespectful to judge another just by the outward circumstances. I am a stay at home mom, and I rock the fucking house too, but every once in a while I need to remind myself, my husband and all those that think that it’s an easy ‘job’.
Totally unrelated to your post, but your apron is the shiz.
DAMN it feels good to be a gangsta.
A Swivel-Sweepin’, delicates-separatin’ gangsta. Heeeeeeeeyyyyyllll yeah.
I am a full time working mum and it just about kills me trying to keep up. I fantasise about being a stay at home mum. But then I spend a whole day at home with my kids and seriously can’t wait to get back to work. They are bloody hard work! Hats off to stay at home mums. Also hats off to single parents. Jeez I can’t even imagine how tough that gig is!
I was a stay-home mom. While I loved it, it turned my brain to mush. and I wasn’t too crazy about others’ opinions of “just” staying home. Then I worked full-time. I drove myself nuts with guilt at not “being there” for every little thing, proving just how much I loved my daughter. Good grief! Whatever you decide to do, it’s the right thing for you and yours. And it’s nobody else’s business!! Go for it, sistahs!
Love. This. A.Lot.
I’ve been on both sides too – now I ask Moms if they “work outside of the home” …. not if they work.
Love reading your blog!
Love it! You hit the nail on the head. At times, I think it would be a lot easier to work outside of the home than at home ALL day, but I try to realize how precious this time is. Fairly soon my kiddos will be in school all day and gone from me forever (except holidays and summer, of course). Then, I’ll be back at work outside of home and complaining about that.
I am with you. Let’s take her down!
Word!! I’m with ya!! I work because I have to, but would probably still choose to if given the option. I have nothing but love and admiration for those that manage to stay home and “just sit there”. I’m more exhausted after a day at home with the kids than I am after a day from hell at work and still having to come home and get all of the same stuff done I would’ve otherwise done, had I been home. Kudos to all the PTA moms, room parents, etc….I often wish I had more time with my kids, but not an infinite amount.
If someone people who say you “just stay home” knew how relaxing, fun, and exciting it was staying home all day with kids under the age of 5, I’m sure they wouldn’t say that. Personally, I think my favorite parts were the 18 hour days and yearly raises I got when I “just” stayed at home.
BTW..there would be no “war” if people could be realistic and senstivie.
Love this post.
I work part time and I’ve had some CRAZY comments. Why? Can’t we just respect each other?
My mom was a working mama, because she had to — my dad was out of the picture. Who else was going to make the money for our household? So she worked. And she did a damn good job raising two girls. Because my dad flaked on her, she raised us with the mindset that we shouldn’t depend on a man to support us and encouraged us to go to college, to get a degree, to never depend on anyone else for money. My sister took that route – got her Masters degree and all that — while I went to a junior college after high school, just to pass the time until I could be a full time mom. I’m telling you right now, all I have EVER want “to be” when I “grew up” was a mother. I mean, I know most little girls dream of becoming a mother. But I ONLY wanted to be a mother. Like, I wanted that to be my profession, LOL. I always knew this about myself. I knew I was very domestic and had an affinity towards all babies and children. I knew that the thought of going to college and getting a degree made me feel funny in my gut, as that was just NOT what I wanted to do. But to tell my mom this…well, that would not fly at all. So, I went to college for a few semesters, then I transferred to court reporting school. I was good at that, and I probably would have made a great court reporter. But my heart wasn’t in it – not at all. While I was in school I worked part time as a lab assistant at our local hospital. Then I met my future husband. He was four years older than me, had his career going, owned his home, and although he was only 26 years old he was ready to settle down. We married just 18 months after meeting, had our first baby that year…and here we are 20 years later with nine children. After I gave birth to our first baby, I quit my hospital job and school. And I never went back. My husband was thrilled that I wanted to be home with our kids full time. That was the kind of wife and mother for his future kids that he was looking for, and I was looking for a husband who would support my heart’s desire. We were made for each other, and life couldn’t be better. Well, other than winning the Lotto, that is. But hey, while we aren’t super wealthy, we are happy
But my point in all of this is that I knew from a very early age that THIS was the life I wanted. It fits my personality. Some of my very best friends are wonderful mothers and have careers outside of the home, too. Some work because they have to, others work because they enjoy their careers! I think that’s great. My mom had a hard time with my decision not to continue my education. It hurt that she wasn’t accepting of me and kept asking me when I was going to go back to school or back to work. After a few years she finally accepted it and admitted that she would have liked to have been able to stay at home with me and my sister, too. But in the same breath she also admitted that what I did looked very hard because I didn’t get a lunch break or any kind of vacation from what I do. She said, “At least at work I had freedom to go where I wanted to go for my hour’s lunch break. I got together with my co-workers for lunch without kids. I was away from you for 8 hours and mingled with adults all day long. What you do is 24 hour kids. I don’t think I could have done that.” Staying at home with kids IS a lot of work, and it does deserve respect. I look at my friends who work and think wow, how do they do it all? They rock! I think we all deserve respect, and I hate when mother moms say to me, “Oh, you just stay home?” and what I usually say is, “Yep, that’s all I ever wanted to do. I’m so lucky that I get to do what I love.” If anyone ever takes it a step further and says, “Well, what about after the kids are grown?” then I just reply, “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll start going to the gym.” That usually gets me some looks, or laughs. Either one is okay with me.
totally agree with your post. I have been in both a working mom because i had and because I chose too an now am a SAHM of 4 little ones. I wish I had neighbors like you. And all us mothers should stick together because we all Rock that Shit!
Oh my gosh! I’m cracking up looking at the picture of you! Love your “tattoos.” You are hillarious. I think it’s wrong to classify moms as either working moms or stay at home moms. Lets face it – stay at home moms work awful hard. I work outside of my home. I wish I would have been able to stay home with my daughter, but we aren’t in a financial position for me to do that. I know it’s tremendously hard for those of us who want to be home with our kids and can’t, especially when we have to leave our babies for the first time. I also know it’s a tough, but rewarding, job for those moms who are able to stay home with their kids.
By the way, you totally Rock It!!!