It was Phyllis Diller who described it best when she said, “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”
Cleaning with kids around is futility at its best.
You can try your best to keep a clean house, but if you have kids, you’ll most likely have something, somewhere in your home that’s dirty, sticky, or at the very least needs tidying up.
I used to get easily frustrated because as I cleaned one thing something else was immediately a (usually bigger) mess. Then I realized it was the laws of the universe, forces well beyond my control, that were working against me.
Here are some of the most common Murphy’s Laws of Cleaning (when you have kids around):
1. Freshly changed bed sheets will be peed on that night.
2. Just mopped the floor? Juice (or other sticky substances) will be spilled on it within the hour.
3. A newly Windexed window attracts grubby little fingers.
4. Toast lands jelly side down 100% of the time.
5. White children’s clothing holds magnetic capabilities. Expect grass, chocolate, sauce or all of the above, sometimes within moments of putting the white garment on the child. No child has ever worn white without some stain appearing.
6. A toilet, or area around a toilet, will stay clean until a kid uses it. Even after painting a red target inside my toilet bowl, it seems to be everywhere else but in it.
7. Magic Erasers do not erase art from walls. It simply encourages new art to pop up in different places.
8. There is always at least one Lego left on the floor, even after you pick up every last toy and vacuum. You will find this Lego while you are in bare feet, usually while trying to maneuver in a sleeping child’s room in the dark.
9. The laundry is never done – ever. You can stop doing laundry when you’re dead. Otherwise, there’s always something that needs washed.
10. Always keep cleaning supplies out of the reach of children. I used to keep mine in a bucket and carry it from room to room as I was cleaning. As I was busy dusting, my son slipped in and decided to help clean his room by squirting liquid cleanser (with bleach) all over his carpet. When kids help with the cleaning, there’s usually a bigger mess that follows.
What are some of the Murphy’s Laws of Cleaning that you’ve noticed? How is the universe working to keep your house dirty? Leave me a comment!
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So, so true, even when your kid is as old as 11! My favorites are that clean windows attract grubby fingers and the laundry is NEVER DONE!!! I’ve been know to be so sick of laundry that I just stop doing it until both my husband and kid have to resort to buying new underwear and socks at the local rite-aid.
I do laundry at work, and (of course) at home. But since I line dry at home, there are times when doing laundry is not an option. I live in North TX and you would think that I can line dry any time, and for the most part that is true. But the last 2 weeks we have had “chance of rain” or high winds, So Last weekend I did load after load. But I had to laugh Mary when you posted that your hubby goes out and buys new undies and socks…mine just complains. You’re a lucky woman!
I am in N. TX too, you could put those clothes out today and with this heat wave they would be dry in minutes! Boy its HOT!
and ladies, the best is yet to come!! Wait till they become teenagers!!! Their bedroom floor becomes their “new closet” and the clothes, oh my the clothes!!!
My 7-year old has an aversion to putting his clothes away. I will nag and harp until they disappear from his desk/floor/chest/bed, only to find them heaped in the corner of the closet, usually on top of something nasty, like his littlest brothers’ peed-in pull-up.
Your child will always want to help to vacuum (and have the biggest tantrum if you refuse) when you’re rushing to get it done before guests arrive. And no, this of all days is when their toy vacuum cleaner will not do as a substitute.
I literally just washed my floor and yes, my daughter immediately spilled juice all over it. Dirty dishes and dirty laundry seem to multiply. It’s incredible. It’s dark magic!
Once you finally have your kids trained to vacuum, they will find the latch that lets the contents of the vacuum explode like an A-Bomb of detritus around your house.
Oh my 2-year old found that latch the very first time he dragged the vacuum out to “cween da fo”. Took 2 weeks to get all that shit back out of my carpet.
OH my GOSH…. I’m almost crying when i read this, both from it’s funny to actually feeling like crying today!! I do daycare for 3 grandkids. So it’s not like a “pro” daycare situation, they are completely at home here. That means, they have access to everything. Today, the five year old decided to act upon her book fascination and to look at my books. (I have HUNDREDS). She was so cute about it, she wanted to dust them, look at the covers, ask me what was this story about, let’s put them back in order…. I could not get mad at her! The baby was super fussy today, the toddler busy. Mom came and the books are not back on the shelf. I’ve been walking on playdoh in the kitchen… oh well, tomorrow is another day with them. She will take up where she left off.
This is all so true! I like the lego and the laundry one though
Have you been spying in my windows??
LOL!
My son is 11 mos so he is just starting to “help” pick up his toy room before bed. This involves helping me put the blocks in their bin, then grabbing it and dumping it once I put it on the shelf. We played 52 block pick up several times tonight
I loved your post! I have a 4 and 2 year old, so I know ever so well the power of distraction in them!
This is so true! Whenever I try to clean, my kids tear into something else and make a much bigger mess. And the laundry! AH!!! My washing machine just broke down the exact same moment my son vomited all over his bed and bedroom. Perfect timing! I had to go to a laundromat! Do you know how gross the inside of those washing machines look? Ugh. The joys of motherhood!
I have 3 boys. Between the smell of farts and feet, unknown substances in the bathroom covered in toothpaste for an “experiment” (It’s SCIENCE MOOOOM!), sticky ick stuck on my counters and the Thing routinely dumping the contents of my locked spice cupboard on the dining room carpet…well, I get it. And the laundry that 3 boys and a man generate! Holy Cannoli Batman! Thankfully, the Grumpasaur does his own laundry, but only because he’s afraid of kid-ick touching his precious pants. I mean, heaven forbid he throws a little white vinegar and a pee-sheet in with his two pairs of pants to make a decent sized load. Or at the very least, some of my clothes. I’m ranting (deep breath).
I pretty much gave up. I have 3 couches in the front room covered in laundry 98% of the month. My kitchen counter disappears under the flurry of “art” projects Stanky brings home on a daily basis from Pre-K and the empty envelopes Grumpasaur cannot seem to part with. And half of that is stuck to something Dramasaur “cooked” or that Thing spilled. I love my family. I love my family. I love my family. But can somebody make them go away for a while? LOL
I can relate to everything but 6 & 7(My son is 23 months). I loved the one about the cleaning the most though. My son has this incessant need to hold the dustpan for me every time I sweep. If I don’t let him, it’s like Exorcism of Emily Rose all over the house! He has a fit worthy of a Leonidas…
…With the “This is Sparta!” kicks and all.
If you just vacuumed the whole house, you’ll get an important phone call, and while on the phone, the kids will suddenly decide to play a game of tag throughout the entire house, all shoving saltines or chips in their mouths while running. If you just had your carpets cleaned, someone will step in dog poop and simultaneously forget to take their shoes off upon entering the house. Sudden kids’ violent puking always happens right after you’ve just done one of your best jobs ever cleaning the bathrooms. Shall I continue?
Number 7!!! For sure.
Ah so true. I don’t know why I even attempt to keep a clean house anymore. I read a Pinterest pin the other day that said “Trying to clean while the kids are home is like trying to brush your teeth whilst eating oreos.” So true!
Love it! That sounds just like my house and that my parents house growing up. Your Blog is a joy to read!
yea, I love this!!!! so TRUE DAT!! My 3 yr old likes to thro skittles on the floor and pick them up….( only when I tell her…) with her toes, and feed them to everyone in the fam!!!! what cha gunna do???? at least shes picking them up…….rite???????
Oh my LORDY SOOO true! It’s great to read this, I tell my husband but I know he doesn’t really “get” it. I seriously have cried before, locked in my bathroom after the 3rd time my boys (6 and 8) got poop/pee on the floor of the bathroom. Good to know I’m not alone!