From the numerous amounts of Facebook posts this morning, it appears that in many places around the country, children are returning to school to start a new academic year. For us, we have a mere two weekends of “summer” left before I send a kindergartner and a 2nd grader off to elementary school, and my youngest will be attending preschool a few hours a day, a few days a week.
Although summer is my favorite season, and I do enjoy the kids being off and home, we’ve now reached the point in the break where I’m counting the moments until it’s time for them to return to school. Truthfully, I think they’ll be glad to be rid of me and back in the company of friends and teachers most of the day.
There’s really a combination of things that has me ready to call it quits on summer. For starters, we’re wildly off a schedule, which for us, leads to chaos eventually. I don’t just mean the kids either; I function better when I’m on a schedule too. Right now I have kids going to bed (by that I mean falling asleep) between 8pm and 11pm. Then I have kids waking up between 6am and 10am. Every morning I tell myself I’ll get the late-to-bed kids up early to break the cycle, but I’m so exhausted too that I just relish the couple hours that I’m only making breakfast, fetching juice refills, and entertaining a single kid as I pump myself full of caffeine and false hopes of a productive morning.
Then there’s the things my kids say….surely, if they were occupied by learning, some of these things wouldn’t come spilling out of their mouths.
Here’s a list of things I’ve heard over the last couple months that I’d like to pretend I wouldn’t hear during the school year:
1. “My Mom makes movies for the internet,” my son says to his six year old friend. This is how rumors get started…
2. “Let’s feed the ants!” says the five year old to the three year old.
3. “Mom!” with tears streaming down his face, “Toads can’t live in my toy box! I killed him on accident!” Followed by an immediate and impromptu toad burial (and Clorox wipe-down of said toy box).
4. “Ouch! Your legs feel like Dad’s face…are your legs growing a beard too, Mommy?” my daughter questioned after sliding down my bare leg and hanging on as I walked around.
5. Upon hearing my actual age on my birthday, my youngest began crying and ran to her older brothers, “Mom’s so old she’s gonna die!!”
6. A unexpected string of sneezes in the grocery store caused me to jump and cross my legs. My soon-to-be-kindergartner happily asked, “Should we all start dancing?” which led my oldest son to explain, “No! Mom only does that so she won’t pee herself.” These damn kids are catching on way too quick and giving all my secrets away way too soon.
7. “It’s okay, Mom. She’ll use the potty soon. I think if you can’t beat ‘em, you should join ‘em…” was the advice from my middle child about potty training my toddler. Perhaps that is the correct adage in certain situations, but crapping my pants in potty training defeat somehow seems counter-productive.
8. “Uh, oh. I don’t think bees make good pets!” the boys admitted to each other.
9. “You’re the softest Mom ever!” An honorary title I currently hold.
10. After returning from my trip to NYC, I was (for once) the one doing the whining about how tired I was and how my back hurt from dragging around my 100lbs of luggage. Exasperated, my son looked at me and said, “Let’s face it, Mom. You’re just not as young as you used to be…”
I like to live under the cloud of illusion that they don’t say anything embarrassing, inappropriate or troublesome while they’re in school. More likely, the teachers just aren’t telling me…
Is it just me? Are you ready for the kids to be back to school? Wishing summer would last a little longer? Leave me a comment; I’d love to hear from you! Share the post easily with the new social buttons below too!
(And I obviously woke up last week from my procedure without any issues….except I apparently wouldn’t stop talking to the nurses, doctors and other patients about my last meal/cake the night before for dinner. What can I say? I love cake… Thanks for all your emails, comments & well-wishes! I’m fine, other than the no-gluten, low fat diet I’m stuck on…)
My kiddos start back on 8/22..but bigger changes than that as my oldest leaves the next on 8/20 for boot camp. I’m calling it summer camp and they will have lots of fun with their water guns right? right? RIGHT?!
I am very proud of him and if I get through his leaving with no nervous breakdowns I’ll be very proud of me too. <3
I’m running out of duct tape, they have to go back to school soon. Mine are 11 and 19, and I work at home doing call center work.
I am so ready for my kids to go back to school! No more having to ref the fights that happen during the summer!
Ah, the accidental pants peeing. I know it well.
Mine don’t go back until 9/6 – but as a teacher I go back on 9/4. I am torn because part of me thinks they really need to get back in the classroom because they have somehow gotten dumber over the summer (today’s absurd question was asked by my 15 yr. old daughter “Are you wearing that dress today?” – I was already dressed, so – YES! And she likes it, so it wasn’t an attempt to dissuade me from my fashion choice.). However, going back mean me, too – and I am NOT ready for summer to end. In fact the “s” words (school and September) are forbidden in my presence. Hopefully spending 24/7 together for 2 months will not have warped them too much…or I’m at least hopeful that their teachers will be able to undo any damage I’ve done.
Thank you for the giggle! I’m ready for school, but much like my kid, I am dreading the early mornings and general chaotic rushing that will ensue for the next 9 months!
Well, you know already that my oldest broke his arm. I had to cancel his last week of day camp (WATER CAMP) and now he and his brother are home pecking at each other like an old married couple all day. I feel ya. I really, really do!
I think our kids are all the same ages. I will be sending my 2nd grader and Kindergartner off on Monday, and I can’t wait. Thing will still be in preschool where I work, but it will be nice to have an entire drive without bickering children. They are all D.O.N.E. with summer, and more than ready to get back to sharing wildly inappropriate things with kids and teachers on a regular basis. The latest gem? My almost-3 Thing had to pit-stop at Target last week. I decided I might as well get in on that action, since I too suffer from sneezy-peezy. AGAIN, he asked where my penis is. AGAIN I told him that women and girls don’t have them. He looked at me with pity, opened the stall door, looked back, shook his head sadly and said “It’s ok mom. I’m sure your peenie will grow back soon if you just quit sitting on it like that.”
Yeah, he’s not quite 3. And the public restroom in Target was full of now-snickering/guffawing women.
My kids the two high school boys yes they are ready. They want to hang with friends instead of mom. My daughter 2 nd grade this year, told me she is not going back! Yeah I said why? She simply stated she didn’t want me to be lonely while everyone was at school. Her reasoning was I will stay home with you mom so you don’t get lonely! What a loving child wanting to sacrificing her schooling do her old momma won’t be lonely!
My kids go back August 28 and none to soon! I really want to be able to hear myself think again!
At least you were talking about cake and not Mike Honcho!
Maybe it’s just me, but school seems to start back so early now.
that first quote left me in stitches
We are on the exact same non-schedule schedule. I’m ready for them to go most of the time but then I start thinking about packing lunches and homework and getting everyone out the door and I change my mind a little.
lol I only pack lunches for about 2 weeks before I decide to just give in and let them eat the crap they consider healthy at school. I get burnt out really fast with the homework, but that isn’t something I can just say eff it to and go on about my business. So, school lunch usually wins so I can at least rebel about something.
OMG! After reading this I am jumping and crossing my legs! TOo funny!
I am so ready for school to start. I only started REALLY feeling this way this week. My boys are being absolutely terrors lately. Like you said, we all need a little structure back.
I shudder to think what my kids say about me in school. Mine are staying up unbelievably late as well. I an not counting the days until they are back in school, but that 8pm bedtime sure sounds delicious!
My kids went “back” to school on Tuesday (My middle started Kindergarten)!! And it was GLORIOUS! And I completely agree. I think it’s the structure they have in school, that is lacking in the summer. It’s my own fault, I feel like they need a bit of freedom and “fun” during the summer after having such strict rules during the school year – at school and at home. Bed time is 8, homework is done as soon as they’ve had their snack, and they don’t get to watch too much tv either. I feel like they begin to get antsy because they’ve had no freedom. And then just the opposite, they get antsy at the end of summer from having too much freedom lol. xoxo
You had me rolling with this one. Tooo funny! From the mouths of babes, right? Thanks for sharing, I definitely needed a lift today.
For the first time my daughter goes back in August. It always used to be after Labor Day but big changes are afoot in our school district. I usually look forward to her going back and having my time but this summer seems as if it just barely existed. We are so screwed when it comes to bed time and all of that stuff. She’s starting middle school. Last year school started at 8:45, now it’s 7:50. She now has to make her own lunches and the pile of books she has to carry around is a work-out in and of itself. Are we prepared? Not a chance. Good luck!
Lol!!! I can’t stop laughing about the one where you make movies on the internet! Hilarious!!!!
LOL Kids really DO say the darndest things! I caught myself saying “YES!” to almost everything your kids said, unfortunately including being such a “soft” mommy! LOL I’m sooo waiting for school to start, it really IS the most wonderful time of the year!
Yeah, I’m a soft, old mommy with beard legs, too.