(Source)
It’s hard to make new friends at my age, in this stage in my life.
First of all, I have kids. They take up all most the good parts a significant chunk of my time. It’s difficult to forge new friendships with three young kids in tow. That removes most daytime activities, and by evening I’m usually exhausted borderline brain dead.
So whenever I’m placed in a situation when I feel like I’m making a new friend connection with another Mom, I get excited.
And nervous.
That’s what happened at the park today…
Don’t blow it, Susan.
Be cool.
Be funny.
Don’t mention the pink unitard.
Don’t freak out if Cecilia eats a bug.
Don’t yell at Jake for giving her the bug and telling her to eat it.
Don’t make a face at Joey for overhearing this situation and not tattling on his siblings like he does for everything else they do in his presence.
Be a normal Mom.
I can do this…
At least that’s what I think until Cecilia comes over with a scowl on her face, arms crossed.
Potential new friend Mom says, “Aww! She looks really mad about something.”
“What else is new?” the voice inside my head thought…
“What’s the matter, Cecilia?” I sweetly asked my ticked off toddler hoping her response wouldn’t involve and curse words or other incriminating statements that might make me look bad in front of my new Mom friend.
“Where’s mines? I want mines too!” she complained.
“Where’s what, Cecilia?” obviously missing something.
I looked over at her brothers who were huddled next to each other trying to both fit down the slide at the same time.
“I want mines too!” she said a little louder and a bit more agitated this time.
“Don’t blow this for me, kid!” I thought as new friend Mom watched on and gave me a sympathetic smile.
“Cecilia, Mommy doesn’t know what you want that you don’t have…we didn’t bring anything with us to the park. All your toys are at home.” I reminded her.
“I want my balls!” she replied.
“Cecilia we didn’t bring any balls with us. All of your stuff is at home. You can play with your balls at home later,” I calmly told her.
Looking around the play area I saw no kids with any balls whatsoever, and felt, in the pit of my stomach, that this conversation was heading down an all too familiar path of embarrassment.
“I want balls like my brothers!” she exclaimed. “Where’s my balls like my brothers?”
This is the part when I just want to become invisible.
Or deaf.
Cecilia’s brothers, who also came to the playground without balls or toys of any sort were still sitting at the top of the slide pointing at something unseen off in the distance.
No balls in sight.
Balls like my brothers…
Balls like my brothers…
The new friend Mom is now trying to not pay attention to what my daughter is saying, and Cecilia is just standing there staring at me, clearly waiting for some sort of response.
It’s then that my delayed senses, not yet fully caffeinated, connect the pieces of the broken-English spoken by the toddler.
She wants balls…
Balls that her brothers have…
She doesn’t have balls because…
Oh God.
I squat down right next to her, and whisper softly, “Oh, honey. Remember we talked about this before. You’re different from your brothers because they are boys and you’re a girl…”
I feel new Mom friend looking at me. I can tell she’s trying to not be obvious about it, but seems to be listening as nonchalantly possible to a stranger give her daughter a birds and the bees conversation in a public park.
“Girls don’t have balls, sweetie. Girls just have a vagina,” I instruct her.
“Whaaat?!” Cecilia asks loudly.
Thinking she didn’t hear me, because of the way she just proclaimed, “Whaaat?!” I decided to repeat the last part a little louder this time.
“Girls don’t have balls, sweetie. Girls just have a vagina,” I say much louder and now two more times than I would have ever wanted to…
It’s at this point time freezes.
I stand up and look at the boys going down the slide one after the other.
Then I look to my youngest. The one full of questions. Cecilia’s sweet, innocence didn’t mean to ruin a possible new friend for me. I know this… but it is over.
I’m sure of it.
I turn to her, my maybe Mom friend.
I see all the adult conversations we could have had, all the wine we could have shared together under the rouse of a book club, all the laughs, all the fun we’d never have together.
It was over before it even started.
Time resumes to normal speed, and I find myself staring at my would-be Mom friend.
Blinking repeatedly, I break my glance away and turn my attention back to my friendship-squashing tot just in time to enjoy her expression as she yells, “Vagina?” Mom! I want my mini golf balls!”
What the hell kid? NOW you come up with the word golf?
My prospective Mom friend burst into laughter, something she had clearly been choking back for a few minutes now, and she points to Joey and Jake, again at the top of the slide, rolling two golf balls down first…
I guess I should be happy they found golf balls and not something gross, but seriously kids?
Seriously?!
After forcing myself to stay another 15 minutes, so as not to appear to be leaving with my tail between my legs, I gathered up my offspring and headed back to the car.
Just before I closed the door and drove off I took one last look at my would be Mom friend, who lives just a neighborhood away, and thought maybe another time, another place we would be BFF’s.
But at this point, in this life, she’ll just be another one that got away…
Is it hard for you to make friends now too? Is it just me? Leave me a comment and let me know!
This is so funny! I have all but given up on finding “the one”. It seems I have so many strikes against me, I don’t even try
I just never learn!
Priceless. OMG I heart the shit out of you.
If you lived closer, I’d be your BFF!
LMAO! Hilarious and so true! I had one and she moved, it is hard to find a new one. AND Boy did we like wine…
I hate when that happens….for me, I was the one who moved …and it was after I had kids, so this is why i have virtually no new friends. These kids have been cramping my style
lol
This is so funny. I am so busy chasing my daughter at the park I barely have a chance to talk to the other moms. It’s usually a couple of sentences as I am running past. It’s hard to make friends when you are a grown up or have a toddler.
I’m actually thankful for the days they keep me running at the park….not because I’m getting any exercise, but because then these situations are much less likely to happen!
We all have funny, embarrassing moments like that — I’m sure even your would be mom friend has, too. The fact that she laughed was a good sign. That’s not nearly as embarrassing as the time I left my bikini bottoms at my husband’s boss’s house (they have a pool). Yes, I was changing and somehow neglected to put it back in my bag. (why couldn’t it at least have been the tops?) His wife found it and suspiciously questioned her husband about where it came from. The mystery was soon solved. Horrified! I haven’t seen them since and I dread the first time I have to look either of them in the eyes.
I love that you clarified that they do, in fact, have a pool
LOL, me too, Jill! haha!
That’s one of those times that you have amnesia when you do see her again. I’d pretend like it never, ever happened and pray that she does the same! LOL
Aaawww! Chances are that since she had kids, she probably could relate to be embarrassed by her child. Every mom has had that moment where our kids make us wish we could crawl into a hole and hide!
She had a toddler and a baby, and given the general nature of toddlers, she probably could sympathize …but it doesn’t mean I wasn’t looking for a hole to hide in!
Hahahaha, I can totally see this being me some day… that is if I’m ever have another girl. Otherwise, it’ll be all balls all day for me! PS – I hope I can make some new friends some day since I haven’t seen mine in so long I’m pretty sure they’ve forgotten about me!
It’s that the truth too….I feel like I need to make an effort (like write in on my calendar) to stop by friends houses once or twice a year so I don’t totally lose touch with people. Trying to be a good Mom has made me a shitty friend!
I have no idea how adults make friends. It was easier as a kid, you were surrounded by people your age in school, you were bound to find someone you connected with.
I have made some great friends through work, but I’ve been a SAHM since the end of 2008. That was probably the last year I made a new friend too.
Laughing my ass off. Sounds like a typical ME experience. I try SO HARD to make friends, but somehow I never make that love connection with other moms. I think it’s me, not the kids:( Part of it could be that I hate inviting people over to my disaster site of a home. And I don’t know if my level of wine intake is acceptable to others. After 5 (or whenever I start cooking dinner), usually a half-bottle limit on school nights. Too much?
Too much or not enough? Depends on the condition of my house and the company I suppose….I totally get what you mean though!
This is frickin’ awesome. It’s like you were with me at the park today as I shuttled one kid off to pee behind the bushes while screaming at another one to stop using sticks to kill cicadas. Mom friends are pretty easy to find if you have an eye for the damaged and funny ones. They’re the best anyway.
That’s also true, Marianne! Last thing I need is some “normal” person making me feel even more crazy than I actually am! I need some damaged goods!
i COMPLETELY understand. i have been in this same scenerio as you. i just smiled my embarrassed/fake smile and went with it. and then you have this looming cloud over your head for the next few days as you think of things to do that would be soooo much more fun if another mom-friend did it with ya. it’s pathetic. but it is what it is.
I feel like I was so close this time! Just another one that got away! Oh well!
Laughing, laughing. Just sayin’ Erin and I have a book club and friends who still love us even after we proclaim we hate Andy Griffith and bring GNO to a grinding halt.. And we roll with stuff like Erin’s toddler dropping trou and pooping on the beach.
Ellen
LOL – Ah, the beach pooper. Seen that action myself, but thankfully not by one of my own! And it’s good to find a group of great friends, although I’d be happy with finding just one!
If I had been there, it would have made me like you better!
I wish you were there Sara! It’s the hope that a funny mom friend is out there that makes me keep trying….well, that and I never learn
now that’s some funny stuff! Thank you for the giggle!
Anytime
Hilarious! I have that same combo with my kids all the time! Girls have vaginas boys have penises. Sorry kids. And we just live a few minutes from each other!!! So we should be bffs bc I’m in the same boat and NOTHING offends me.
Patti! I know! We need to get coffee or something soon! You can see for yourself why I have no new friends!
Snort-laughing over here – can I be your mom-friend? I don’t have one either! And it’s usually because of conversations like that one, though I have 3 boys, so conversations like that one usually revolve around size, growth rate, and when one might attain the current size of the brother he wishes most to be like today.
With two boys I can totally sympathize with your conversations…I’m just lucky they weren’t involved with this one …and yes, let’s me Mom-friends!
I think overhearing that conversation would have made me want to be your friend. Sure I would have laughed but related and got excited about a new maybe mom friendship until you heard something stupid spew out of my mouth. I think it’s the best ice breaker ever
I need to find someone who “gets” me….this lady did laugh, but our conversation wasn’t the same after this…I know a funny Mom BFF is out there. I just have to keep looking
Thankfully, my kids will continue to supply me with unlimited situations for me to test my potential new friends out. They’re consistent like that 
That conversation would have made you an immediate member of my group of friends, all of whom I met after the age of 40. And sometimes, we forget we have children because we get so into ourselves. Of course free flowing wine doesn’t hurt! Move to Lancaster, PA and you are in, no interview required!
Dammit! You’re so close…..but so far away! I’m looking you up if we ever move that way!
I have never made a friend at the park, much as I have tried. I’ve wondered if I’m reading too much into it. Maybe they did like me? But those who took my info never contacted me – despite the lack of a conversation about balls! I will say, though, that one of my best local friends is a woman I met during Christmas Break one year at McDonald’s Playplace. Perhaps that’s where the derelict moms collect in desperation, instead of the Stepford moms who huddle behind their Starbucks and give you the frosty cold shoulder. Perhaps? Not sure, but you totally gave me my morning laugh.
I’m like 0 for 12 at the park….maybe I need to try McDonald’s Playplace! And the ones who give the cold shoulder at least aren’t ones I’d want to be hanging around with anyway. There’s got to be some middle ground between me and them….or maybe I need to aim lower and look for “me.”
I just move to VA and left all my BFF’s back in NM. It is sooo hard to find the right one. I love your story… I agree with Beth, that would have made you my friend… too funny!!! and I love wine!
With all the responses to this, we can’t all be scattered …are we really the only funny, wine lovin’ Mamas? There have to be more of us out there, maybe that already gave up on finding “the one.”
Good luck in VA! Wish you were a little closer to Delaware 
LOLOLOLOLOL….Im sorry…Im laughing with you. Find a friend whos child brags about her vagina, then you got a good friend! Dont worry…be happy…your children are normal, cute and hilarious!
You would think that kind of kid would be easy to find….or at least because of how my kids are, I like to pretend that’s how all kids are and therefore these Moms should be all over
I would be your BBF for-evah after an exchange like that!
Thank you! Is it me, or shouldn’t everyone want a BFF like me? LOL No, seriously, shouldn’t they?
Well at least your boy didn’t tell his BFF all about the birds and the bees, which he factually got correct. Then BFFs mom calls and tells me, says she’s not mad, but then tells everyone at school that my son taught her son sex Ed. I wanted to crawl under the table. Like I wasn’t embarrassed enough. How could I get mad when he was not crude or rude but factual? so much for “friends”
At least he wasn’t crude or anything….That COULD have been way, way worse….if it makes you feel any better, my son recently told his BFF, excuse me, his new BFF that “My Mom makes movies for the internet!” That’s how rumors get started!
OMG That’s too funny! It usually IS the kid that embarrass us, but yes, the one time you want to look like the grown-up….! It happens to all of us! I open my mouth and say the dumbest things sometimes when I’m in that situation and think “Oh…crap, WHY did I say that?!” Guess that’s why we blog, we can edit what we say so it’s easier than making friends “out there”! LOL
The blogging this is always my silver lining, Carrie….my thought is, almost immediately after the embarrassing incident, “well, at least I have some new material!” LOL
I so enjoy your blog! If I heard that conversation I would only want to be your friend more.
Thanks, Ms. Lady Mama! If only these locals felt the same way!
oh, my…please don’t believe it’s just you! We all have those horribly embarrassing stories! I used to pride myself that as a nurse, my kids would know the proper names of body parts and bodily functions. My pride went down the toilet when my oldest son grabbed his, ahem! YOU know what (see? I’m scarred for life, and I am a nursing instructor and my son is 25 and married!) and yelled from his perch in the shopping cart, “Look, mom! I hAVE AN ERECTION!” Yes, very loudly in the produce section! By my 6th child, I was hardly embarrassed when she yelled, (oh, why is it always the produce section, and why are little old mennonite ladies always there to listen?) “Mushrooms are the voice of God!” please, please believe me that no hallucinogenic vegetables were ever given to my kids!
ok, you can go change your panties now, I know you just peed yourself laughing!
Blessings to you, my friend!
Hilarious!!! I’m going to have to spend more of my free time in the produce section! Maybe I’ll meet a kindred spirit there!
I worry so much about other moms being judgey. Also, as a “heathen” in a “Christian” town, usually the first question I am asked is “What church do YOU go to?” When I say “Oh, I don’t go to church” their eyes glaze over and they mumble an excuse as they walk away. And the cherry on top of my friendless sundae is that I already have 3 best friends from when I was like 7. We all just live in different states now. I think I compare all potential friends to my besties, and they never measure up. I want someone to whom I can say “Pull my finger.” Someone I can say “I hate my kids today” to without them looking at me in horror. Someone whose house is just as messy (if not messier) than mine. Someone who isn’t organic/buy local crazy. Someone who maybe had to be on food stamps once and was humbled by the experience. Someone whose kids can be friends with MY kids. Someone who understands that I am a big ol’ flake sometimes. I don’t know. Maybe my standards are too high?
This is exactly why it is so hard….because other people are difficult! Just try not to let the judgey Moms get you down …and no one will probably be as good as your best friends from childhood, but I’m sure you can find the right friend for you in your area….just like I’m sure I have to have one too….although they do seem to be as illusive as unicorns.
First of all, OMG I’m laughing so hard my eye’s are watering I can barely type. Ok now that that’s out of the way, I’m 28 with 2 kids and a 3rd on the way and it’s incredibly hard to make friends. If it weren’t for my husband and mom I can’t say I can’t say I have any. I moved so many times that once I moved back to my home town everyone I knew had “established friends” and apparently I’m not invited to that party. I think it’s funny that I have no problem making people laugh, I’m genuinely nice and caring (at least I think I am), but I feel like I’m the one no one calls. I keep working at too, maybe I’m working too hard at it… Anyway thanks for writing this, made me feel much better about myself and your not alone. PS I would love to be your friend and drink wine together! I mean when I can again… 8 months and counting.
Congrats on baby #3! Being pregnant and having two other kids is a style-cramper too; trust me, I know this! It’s hard when all of your focus and attention is on them…and it’s also hard to move away and come home at a different point in your life and re-inject yourself back into the group. If you’re in Delaware, even though you can not currently drink wine, we can still be BFF’s….if not, you’re joining my ever-growing list of Moms like me, some place else, that also need a BFF.
Ha ha ha ha ha! That is AWESOME!!
Literally on the floor laughing! Love her!!! And I would have thought the exact same thing – different from the brothas…
With 4 between the ages of 12 and 4 I have a hard time making close friends. Either the other 12 yr is the youngest and they have a different sort of life or the 4 yr old is the oldest and I’ve got to run 17 different directions with the other three.
I have a couple of close friends who although we don’t have kids the exact same ages – get it.
Oh – I see a reality show coming on – “pregnant at the same time so they can be friends forever.”
First of all, that’s hilarious! I know I’m going to regret saying this but I can’t wait for my son to start talking and the funny things he’s going to say! Secondly, that mom should know better and understand where you’re coming from…maybe she wasn’t worth your friendship?!
OMG I want to be your BFF! I LOVE this. I just know this is something I will probably go through with my 3 year old daughter.
No…it is not just you. As a mom of a 2 year old…i am not able to make friends either.
If anyone can give lessons on how to do so, I’ll sign up.
This time in my life I have few friends but the friends that I do have I do not need to explain anything that is going on in my life, they know me and my shenanigans and how I operate with my husband, kids and all the other wonderful life moments….making new friends is a tough job too much to explain and justify…..a lot of work.
HAHA! See, I generally always think it’s about food or a toy (as my son can’t decide if he’s ever talking about his balls or his “wiener”)…. I have actually tried to get him to say penis instead but it doesn’t work. I’d be your BFF!!
Gosh, I suddenly realize I’m not alone! I have some “friends”, I think, but considering I see them each maybe once a year (and we live in the same big city) I can’t say I feel like I do. Neither of them have children. I think It’s even harder to connect with Moms because inevitably you get into the “parenting style” differences and it just complicates everything. Ah, for the days of high school when you had built in daily visits with no responsibilities other than homework and going out on Friday and Saturday nights!
So how do you make new friends??? That’s what I’d like to know!
I love all these coments! If any of you South Jersey I would love to hangout and drink lots of wine with you! I had a few Mom friends before we moved but now I see to many snooty people where I live.