Holiday Insults (Compliments) from Kids

Most of the time kids are well-meaning enough, but their compliments could usually use some polishing…at least the ones that my kids are slinging.

Compliments from Kids that sound more like insults HOLIDAY EDITION

You may have read my 10 Insulting Compliments from Kids, but since my kids are so giving, I’ve got 9 more holiday themed insults that they were kind enough to share:

1.  Whispered sweetly in my ear by the three year old hanging on my back, “Oh Mommy!  I just love your tinsel hair!”

2.  “Christmas songs sound better when you don’t sing them, Mom…”

3.  “Mom, I don’t think you should eat any pie.” (No explanation given – More for them? You look like you’ve had enough pie?)

4.  Your butt looks just like a pillow pet.

5.  “I told Dad what you would really love for Christmas – stretchy pants made of gold.”

6.  Overheard my five year old find me the perfect gift on TV:  “Oh! Oh! Look!” he exclaimed to my seven year old, “We should get that for Mom!  It tones, highlights AND covers grays!”

7.  Responding to my husband teasing me about my hair, “Hey! Don’t make fun of Mom’s hair! It’s her best feature!”  (If you’ve seen my hair you’d know just how insulting that is)

8.  “Mommy, I love your belly! When I lay my head on it, I feel like I’m laying on mashed potatoes.” (Not sure if that’s more insulting to my body or my cooking)

9.  In response to me telling the kids I was going to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what I wanted for Christmas (said in unison), “Noooooo! You’ll break Santa!”

As far as I can tell, this is the main reason nature has made children so cute.  What about your kids?  What kind of insulting compliments do you get?  Leave me a comment, misery loves company after all!



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  1. liz says

    I got, “I wish you were thirty-something instead of 40. It just sounds younger.” I wish I were too, kiddo.

  2. shannon says

    Bwahahaha!!! These are even funnier after a half bottle of wine!! My 10 year old just flat out says my fat is showing. In my defense his sister is 6months old & I’m 33.

  3. Jen says

    When my son was 18 months old he yelled at me from the backseat as I was belting out Christmas carols, “No sing mommy! No sing!”. It was like having a diaper clad Simon Cowell strapped in behind me.

  4. says

    I’m sure I have some from my kids but I’m laughing too hard… I’m not sure what got me, the mashed potato one or the Don’t Break Santa one! *ahem* I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing near you.

  5. Noelle says

    “You’re not fat! You’re just so smart it all leaked out of your brain – and into your butt. THAT’S why you have a great big ol’ butt!” Thanks, kid.

    Did I mention she’s THIRTEEN???

  6. Lynne says

    When my daughter was nearly 3 she barged into the bathroom while I was showering, she flung the curtain open and asked “why do you have a fat bum?” It was all I could do not to shout that I’d gotten it from having her!

  7. AdaCoupons says

    My son is 2, so he hasn’t figured out the ‘chubby’ in me yet, *wink wink*, but, whenever I open my mouth to sing along to songs he just puts his hand on my mouth and says ‘no no no’

  8. Mitzie says

    One morning my three year old climbed into bed with my husband and me. He put his hand on my cheek and said “Mommy. You are soooo pretty.” Then he reached over to our 13 pound wiener dog named Killer and said “Killer, You are soooo pretty.” Hallmark moment OVER!

  9. Lindsey Kelsall says

    My six year old was sat with me in the car waiting for daddy to finish work, he and my ten year old play game with the digital clock on the dash, when it gets to 20:02 it’s Tommys birthday and 20:06 it’s Jacks turn, well it was 18:38 and Jack yelled in excitement ‘18.38 mum’ looking at me, I replied ‘yes and?’He looked at me quizzical and said ‘18,38 …when we’re you born?’ ’19 Jack 1974, 19 not 18?’

  10. Louise says

    #7 had me laughing out loud in my office…pretty sure I’ll hear something like that someday. My brutally honest daughter already tells me not to sing in the car…

  11. Heather says

    My five year old told a room of dance moms that I was pregnant…I’m fat and work on a maternity floor..I think she overheard me talking about delivering babies…little monk jr put two and two together…

  12. Sandy says

    My 4 year old told me very excitedly: mom your belly is big, you could have a baby in there! (I don’t) lol

  13. Chelle says

    My 5yo is hilarious, I always get the “You must have a baby in there, your belly is getting big.” I am most insulted though, by, “Mommy, did no one teach you how to park yet?”

  14. Talia says

    While practicing head stands in my bed this morning (I was still in it, much to my 6 year old’s glee), each time she fell I’d yelp as I was body slammed. I told her to go practice elsewhere ( I was playing like I wasn’t getting up) and was told…Mommy! Nowhere else is better…you are the softest place to land! Thanks Bug, I think?

  15. says

    My 3 year old looking down my shirt, “Mom where are your boobs at?”
    My niece, “You’re not fat aunt Jesse, you are just heavy.”
    My other niece, “You are a big woman, Aunt Guessie.”
    My daughter smooshing my belly in her hands, “Ohh, it’s like cookie dough!”
    My daughter, “Mom you can’t be Elasti-girl for halloween you just aren’t skinny. : / “

  16. Kerrye says

    I so agree on the cuteness thing. Goes right along with them losing the cute factor when they become teenagers so it’ll be easier to kick their butts outta the nest!

  17. Sarah Taylor-Sinclair says

    Dressed in my finest cleaning sweats I was scrubbing the shower walls and my 4 year old says ” Mommy your butt is shaking” Thanks kid!!!

  18. Erin T. says

    My then 15-yr old told me once “Mom, you used to be so pretty.” To this day she insists that was not how she meant for it to sound, but lets be real… How else COULD it sound?!

  19. Brenda Rhodes says

    When my son was in elementary school they made a cookbook dedicated to Moms. The cover page was things about their Mom. My son said I was 4’3″ and weighted 190! He also said he knew I was mad when I ‘helled Chad”! Pretty sure he meant yelled, but you never know. I am short, but, hell Chad, not that short AND wide! There is revenge ladies! He has a 2 1/2 year old that is giving him a run for his money. Let’s just say he is paying for his raising! Isn’t life sweet?

  20. Rachel says

    My 7 year olds teacher Is on maternity leave and the sub gave them a page to color and tell her about their family, he drew a circle with a head mad arms and legs for me, but everyone else was a normal person, and told her I was 52 (I’m 26) and his dad was 21 (he’s 30)…… way to make me look like a fat cradle robber kid! Thanks! Lol

  21. mary m says

    looking through some old pictures, my four year old granddaughter came across one of me from about 20 years ago. I had to point out which one was me. She scrunched up her nose, furrowed her brow, and said, “What happened?!”

  22. Tami Urbanek says

    This was from my adolescent daughter. For a couple of years, I have been increasing my work outs and the intensity of my workouts, adding strength training. Two summers ago, I was wearing my PJs of a tank top that is cut skimpy on the back and my shorts. I stood in front of the coffee maker waiting for it to brew with my hands on my hips. My daughter is behind me and said, “Mom, you look like a man.” I said, “what?” She said, “yeah, your muscles stick out on your back when you stand like that.” LOL! A bit exaggerated….

  23. Dana says

    A teacher-friend of mine had a student tell her that he liked her “Christmas hair” one time. She asked what they meant, and he said it was “silver and gold.” She decided it must be time to have her hair colored. Lol

  24. Tabitha says

    My 3 year old daughter loves to run around the house, public places and any where else she think she will get attention and yell “Mommy’s got a big butt!” Like I didn’t already know that my ass needed its own zip code.

  25. mommy of 2 says

    I had my 4 & 5 yr old in a handicapped bathroom stall at a(very busy) restaurant. While im in mid pee they start cracking up and screaming “Ewww!!! Look at mommys fat hairy butt! Ewww!!!” Seeing my front side, but referring to it as my butt…that incident defines mortification as all eyes were on me when we emerged from the stall. XD

  26. Amanda O says

    I have a discolored tooth in front so its noticible, not my fav feature. My 6 yo asked me how I got that “rotten tooth in my mouth” (its not) I told him the story, which he was obviously not impressed with, so he tells me, “oh, close your mouth”. (It hurt my feelings, no dessert for u, u little snot!)

  27. Kim says

    I just got out of the shower my 4 yr old was in my room watching a movie. I go in my room ( I was wrapped in a towel) ans she said “its ok mommy I know you have saggy boobies and I have little ones.” I just laughed and said thanks. I also had 2 kids that I nursed.

  28. Cathryn says

    My four year old told me the other day that only skinny girls are supposed to eat french fries. I’m a size 10…

  29. Ashley says

    My daughter once told me that she was so proud of me…I just kept growing and growing and getting bigger. It was to the tone of an adult saying it to a child. You know that sing-songy crap! Ugh! Thanks a lot! lol

  30. Kate says

    BAHAHAHA. Kids are awesome. I don’t have stories from my own yet (32 weeks pregnant so I’m sure I will soon enough) but I’ve been around enough kids to know how uhm, complimentary they can be…

    My niece (age 3) after brushing my hair. “There, just like a princess. Now you don’t look ugly anymore!”

    And a lovely one from the 4-year-old I used to babysit as I helped her tie her shoes… “Your nose looks like a big white dog nose. I really like it.”

  31. Sarah Day says

    Two from pre-schoolers I teach. I was wearing a slightly loose top. A child sat on my lap. He stretched my top out and looked down in asking if I had a baby in there!

    Another time I wore a striped shirt and one of the children asked why I was wearing pajamas!

  32. says

    My children have yet to dish out the creative insults, which I’m positive is due to them being so young yet, but the oldest would cry as a baby every time I sang, and at some point she first started talking, you know, we were at ma ma, da da, stop singing mom. I honestly get sad every time I think about the fact that I just cannot sing because I have some good memories of my mother singing to me as a child. My children will NEVER have memories like that. Before having children, some think we should take parenting classes? No. Voice lessons is a must for new parents.