Holy Sh*t

You may remember last year’s post, I used to have nice things and then I had children where I showed you this:

Well, sometimes my kids take the nativity pieces off my table and down on the floor with their other toys and then things like this could happen:

So last week when Baby Jesus disappeared from the nativity, and the three year old said, “Baxter did it.”  It lead to this:

And four days of me, under the cover of dark, wearing a head-flash light, latex gloves, and with plastic spoons closely examining my dog’s…well, you know.

So many of you have been asking if I had found Jesus, offering similar war-stories of the kid and puppy variety, and even some helpful suggestions for where to purchase a replacement for the missing Infant Christ.

After four days, I have news to report.

Did I find Baby Jesus?

Yes.

Was the three year old’s accusations about the dog eating the holy figurine accurate?

No.

She’s a liar.

I actually went to close a vent, and there was something preventing me from shutting it more than half way.

Jesus.

So did I dig through doggy-doo for nothing?

No way…

I like to think that I at least gave the neighbors something to talk about…

(Special shout to Facebook Fan Tess Wesley for her funny “Holy Shit” reply to my status update.  Hence the title of the post!)

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  1. says

    I would become suspicious of your house after awhile. Elves go missing, Jesus goes missing. I’m not so sure your kids are to blame. I’m imagining a Toy Story type mob of toys that murder other toys… If I were you I’d be thinking about which toys/figurines are going to be the next victim.

    There is NO good reason to dig through doggy doo, I’m sorry to say.

    Look at it this way-when the religious folk come to your door asking if you’ve found Jesus, you can triumphantly tell them “YES I HAVE.”

    • says

      LOL – That’s so true! I can say it with REAL conviction!

      And I blame digging through doggy doo on my 13 years of Catholic school. It was a “blessed” set…the guilt, which is instilled at a young age, had me feeling damned if I just scooped and got rid of it. If I found it I was going to bury it in the yard and buy a new one anyway.

      Cause of all the things I’ve done, surely, this one would be the one sending me to hell :)

  2. Carrie says

    When anyone asks if you’ve found Jesus you can 100% say with conviction:

    Yes, I had to go through A LOT of shit, but I did find Jesus!

  3. says

    Did you ask your little one how Jesus magically left his puppy-tummy tomb and transcended over to the vent? I would love to hear her answer, I’m sure it’s very creative. :)

  4. It's A Dome Life says

    Looks like you had your come to Jesus moment…so many jokes…so hard to resist! Glad your Nativity scene is all back together. At least for now, in this moment.

  5. says

    It’s so hard to get a straight answer out of a toddler. If I ask my son “Did you ____” he will ALWAYS say yes. Even if he didn’t! It’s useless to interrogate him, he confesses everything and I learn nothing.

  6. says

    Oh my! I’ll bet this was the one time Jesus would be happy that someone lied, because – who the hell wants to end up in dog poop? Not me! And I’m sure not baby Jesus either.

  7. Debra S says

    *sigh* I remember having Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in our Manger Scene, some years ago…………………………………………………
    That was pretty funny……. I suppose if the dog DID get the baby Jesus, it would have been in many bits and not salvagable!!!!!!!!!!!!
    And do you have ghosts or mr. I. Dunno at your house?? When ornaments have been played with, and broken… okay who was taking these off the tree… I. Dunno! They all said.

  8. Lauren says

    There’s always the possibility the dog hid Jesus in the vent! For all you know, he might’ve been framing the 3 year old for years

  9. Charlotte W. says

    Love your posts. Yes, everytime my son gets mad at me he throws my lamps around. Every lamp in the house is crooked. Oh well, kids gotta love em. I love the picture of the pig on top of the holy scene!

  10. Laura Brown says

    Why is it always Baby Jesus that goes missing? We never once lost any of the other pieces , but when I was kid, my mother had 3 replacement baby Jesus’s, just for such emergencies. Miraculously, after all us kids were grown and gone she did recover all of them, but there were several years when we couldn’t even find one. Also, this was the reason we started the tradition of leaving the manger EMPTY until Christmas (you know, cause he wasn’t born yet…didn’t occur to us kids that Mom might have ulterior motives for keeping Jesus under lock & key until he absolutely HAD to make his appearance…)

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