Mom had her time with the Bad Mother’s Day Gift Guide, which only means one thing…it’s Dad’s turn.
Whether you’re looking for gifts to avoid, gag gifts, or a passive-aggressive way to tell your Dad how you really feel, this is the list for you!
1. No More Swamp-Ass Undies for Men – You might recall that last Father’s Day I had the Subtle Butt Gas Filters, the carbon pads you could stick in Dad’s underwear to help absorb some of his smelly gas. These pads can move around though letting some of Dad’s malodorous farts pass easily into the room. They also don’t help with other causes of stink-ass like sweat. But now there’s a solution! For just $69 each, these odor absorbing undies will cure even the foulest of Dad’s odors with their nano-level ceramic and metallic ions used to fight and break down stinky particles!
2. Bedbug Sleeping Cocoon – Is your Dad infested with bedbugs? Does he lay down with dogs and end up with fleas? With this handy cocoon, Dad will be safe from re-infesting himself even if he chooses to slum around in bug infested beds, and it’s only $79!
3. Reef Men’s Fanning Sandal– These rather unassuming sandals have been around for a while, and I just had to add them to one of my bad gifts lists because they’re so gross. No, not the style, it’s the hidden bottle opener on the bottom of the shoe. I’ve seen friends, relatives (I’m looking at you bro), and strangers alike using their shoes to open beer bottles that they then put in their mouths. The problem is, I’ve seen the places these feet have been before (and anyone that frequents the Delaware Beaches will get this), like the Bottle & Cork which is an awesome bar and summer hangout that seems to have a couple inches of mystery liquid on the floor on any given weekend. Regardless, please stop opening your beers for your mouth with the bottom of your shoes.
4. Shouting Vase – Is your Dad ill-tempered, always yelling, or on the verge of a melt-down? Great for short-fused fathers, at home or at work, it’s the Shouting Vase! The vase is designed to fit over the contours of your mouth, and the plastic will turn even your loudest tantrums into a whisper…wow, they really need to make this in a toddler size. For now, get one for Dad for just $66.
5. Bacon Stuff – People love bacon, so it’s not surprising to see a bunch of bacon inspired products. In my Bad Mother’s Day Gifts list, I had the Wake-n-Bacon Alarm Clock, which at least contained actual bacon. Some of these gifts aren’t gifts for the bacon lovers at all. They’re teases. Take the Yankee Candle Bacon scented (notice I didn’t say flavored) candle, for example. My friend Desiree Bartoe sent me this latest bacon faux pas; I mean, who wants to smell bacon without eating it? Then there’s the bacon throw and pillow. Who wants to lay their face on bacon? I want to stuff my face with it. If you love your bacon-lovin’ Dad, but the man some real bacon, Mmmm-kay?
6. Upright Sleeper – Does your Dad always nod off and wake to find himself on the shoulder of a stranger on a bus or face down on the floor of a subway car? Well, with the Upright Sleeper Dad won’t find himself in those awkward positions anymore! These fully adjustable, latex free, sleep bars will keep him from falling from side to side or forwards …it’s the totally not awkward way to sleep on the go!
7. Tattoupees Stickers for the Bald Dad – Is your Dad bald? Do you think he should snazz up his melon, but he’s against toupees and/or head tattoos? Well, for less than $10, give Dad’s head some snazzy, snark with these temporary tattoos for bald guys!
8. Spring Flex UB – Is your Dad totally sedentary and weak from sitting at a desk all day? Give him a hint with this two bar exercise thingy that attaches to a desk and can supposedly do 120 different exercises. Your Dad will be ripped! Just check out the guy in the photo – it has to work! Get ready to get buff, Dad!
9. Play Mat Tee Shirt for Men – After all that working out, Dad is going to need a back rub. You could send him to a spa, or give him one yourself, or you can foster the father-child bond with this play mat tee shirt for $22. Dad gets a back rub – kind of – and the kids get to play with Dad. Win/Win. Hey, do they sell these for Moms?!
10. Glam Rock Men’s Underwear – Why not start and end a list with some men’s underwear? These glam rock power panties for men come from France, and for $56-$90 you can pick from the shiny, retro, hilarious underwear seen below. If you’re real lucky, it was previously worn by one of these fabulous models.
What do you think? Will you be buying any of these gifts? I think the play mat shirt has real potential! Leave me a comment – I’d love to hear what you think!