Despite the fact that I’ve been off the market for nearly 13 years, and that I don’t really consider myself a real writer, a friend recently came to me wanting my help with writing a profile for a singles/dating website. Citing that I have a way with words and that I’m creative she wanted me to essentially write her profile.
Now, we’ve been friends for years and years, and I know her as well as anyone could, however, I was at a loss for words when it came time to get her profile up and running.
It has nothing to do with my friend, she’s the cat’s meow…see, right there. The cat’s meow? That’s probably not going to bring in the kind of guys she’s looking to date.
I’ll be celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary this October, and honestly have no clue what would entice a single man browsing a dating site into asking a single woman on a date.
No wait, yes I do.
I think universally boobs usually work, but I doubted many women write boob profiles, and I knew for certain my friend was looking for something more …substantial.
I told her that despite her beauty, success, and wonderful personality, I was having trouble painting it into a first person perspective and non-self centered light.
This didn’t seem to deter her unfortunately, and she said that she really believed I could help her write this better than anyone else, including herself.
This is when I knew she must not actually read my blog.
Unwavered by my immediate inability to come up with something snazzy, she suggested, “Well, if you were writing a personal ad for yourself, what would it sound like? Maybe if you did a mock one for you, it would be easier for you to help me write mine.”
This seemed even more difficult than writing her profile.
Although I do believe the old adage that there’s someone out there for everyone, I have a hard time thinking there’s much of a demand for a frizzy, frazzled, mid 30’s, stay at home mother of three.
But, if nothing else, I pride myself on my willingness to at least try…so here goes:
1978 Classic now available! All *original parts, fairly well maintained. Could use a little paint, but holding up well considering…Not high maintenance, stopped clocking miles a while ago, fairly reliable when running on coffee (or wine). Call or email for a test drive! Don’t miss out on this old gal!
*All parts are original, but some are just in different places than they used to be
My friend didn’t think this was funny, but it was seriously the first thing that popped in my head. Writing is a process, so I went back for draft #2:
Female, 35, Italian/Irish/Polish Mix. Not spayed, but no longer breeding. For the most part house-trained, except the laundry never seems done. Friendly towards strangers and good with children. Loves walks, would make a good companion, FREE to a good home.
Still she didn’t seem amused.
A picture speaks a thousand words though, right? Maybe if I could just find the right profile photo, I’d be able to also find the right words.
These first few didn’t say too many words, mostly just animal sounds like Grrrrroooowwwwwl! Look out!
My friend had now stopped responding, but I remained as determined as she was in the beginning to complete this task, so I sent these…
Those might give false impression about my cleaning though, which got me thinking about showing the true me which lead me to this one…
After several hours and no response, I thought my blue spandex might have been taking it too far (as it tends to usually be the case). I was half way through drafting an apology email about how I shouldn’t be trusted with anything too important because I’m, well, me…then I got this response from her, “Your last photo did speak to me! It said several things, but mostly that I was taking this too seriously, and that I could do it on my own. I wrote it, I’m happy with it, and let the dating begin! Thank you for giving me the confidence to do this myself!”
Um, okay, I’ll go along with that.
You’re welcome and my work here is done!
Let this serve as a warning to any of my other single friends that I may be able to set you up on a date with someone I know, but please don’t ask me to help you with the singles ads.
Have you ever written a singles ad? Was is as hard as I was making it out to be? If not, what would you write in yours? Leave me a comment and let me know!