As a parent, you develop a number of things that you might not have had before kids like:
- an affinity for Yo Gabba Gabba songs
- a sharp decrease in brain cells (see above)
- a taste for stale goldfish crackers
- cat-like reflexes
That last one might come as a surprise since I’ve often said that parenthood has generally slowed me both mentally and physically through three kids over the last eight and a half years.
Well, my aversion to exercise and my bad habit of eating cookies in bed probably aren’t helping either.
Regardless, I can tell you that nothing makes me move faster – we’re talking lightning speed – than a child tripping and falling towards a hard surface (usually head first), sliding out of a chair unexpectedly, or suddenly ready to collide with another kid.
Those split seconds where you’re
screwing around on Pinterest pinning crap that you’ll never even attempt anyway preparing an organic, home cooked meal for your kids one second, and narrowly avoiding an injury the next thanks to your quick intervention happen over and over again.
I’ve stopped so many faces from hitting counters with the flash of my hand, and even kept foreheads from meeting pavements with a dash of my foot.
Seriously, I’m that fast…
And chances are, if you’re a parent, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Today, however, I failed to see the collision coming.
Maybe it’s because I’m one snack-sized Snickers away from a sugar coma…
Maybe it’s because I didn’t sleep well with the wind storm we had blow through overnight…
Maybe it’s because I was trying to finish my review of Baby Sideburn’s wickedly hilarious new book (yeah, I was trying to read AND write in the middle of the day)…
Maybe it’s because I fell off the wagon and made my first afternoon coffee in months…
It doesn’t matter why, what does matter is that I didn’t see it coming.
Just before the impact I even had a warning. I heard my four year old daughter yell to me, somewhere just outside of my peripheral vision, “Come at me, Bro!”
Just as I turned to see what the hell she was talking about, I felt her body suddenly collide with mine.
The force went right through me and came out the other side.
I felt my hand opposite the impact open which released the coffee cup and all of its contents into the air.
Nooooooooooooooo! I cried in a slow-mo voice as I watched the coffee leave the cup, hang in the air a moment then rain down onto my pants, new book, and several stuffed animals my daughter had positioned under my feet.
How did I not see that one coming?
There were equal amounts of tears for sopping-wet toys and for afternoon caffeine lost, but a lollipop from the Halloween stash made it all better.
Well, not at first. At first, she did a lot of this:
She forgave me for not catching her, even though I didn’t know she was planning on jumping on me; and I forgave her for quoting Ronnie from Jersey Shore.
Do you have cat-like reflexes? Have to leap into action and saved the day, or have you missed it completely like I did this afternoon? Leave me a comment and let me know! I’d love to hear from you!