Last weekend my husband had a friend from work and his wife over to have some lunch, watch some football, and so they could take our unused treadmill.
Well, it wasn’t completely unused, and I’m still not sure what I’m going to hang my clothes on that can’t go in the dryer…
Anyway, this lovely, young couple doesn’t have any children of their own yet, and this happened to be the first time that they came to our house. Had my husband provided me with more than an hour’s notice of their visit, I would have picked up some suitable snacks for adults, and I would have had something to offer other than chicken nuggets and Chex Mix.
The kids were mostly behaved while we had company…although, I wish I had run in and checked before I told the wife where the powder room was because someone left a turd in the toilet.
At least there was toilet paper in there too.
For some reason whenever we have company, wait let me rephrase that, whenever we have adults who do not have children over to our house this sort of thing always seems to happen.
Yes, that’s right. This weekend’s poop in the pot wasn’t an isolated incident, and although all our child-free friends and family are wonderful, I think I can guess what they’re really thinking while they’re visiting with us.
1. So this is what giving up looks like…
2. I never would have guessed that they were hoarders.
3. As soon as we leave here we need to stop at the pharmacy for condoms.
4. Is that grape jelly splatter on the ceiling?
5. I think that kid just ate a corn chip or a Lego that she found in the couch.
6. This place smells like pumpkin spice candles with a hint of sour milk and stale Cheerios.
7. Why is everything so sticky?
8. How many kids do they have??
9. When we get to the pharmacy, I think we should pick up some condoms for them too.
10. I probably wouldn’t have struggled to get that toilet lid safety lock open, if I had known that one of the kids had left a present in the potty. I wonder how old kids are before they learn to flush?
11. Did I just say potty? I have to get out of here!
12. Everything is so….shabby chic.
13. I thought it was cute that the kids were drawing me a picture, but this one sort of looks like a penis which makes me feel really awkward and I don’t know what to do.
14. I wish they had something to drink other than apple juice or chocolate milk.
15. Forget the pharmacy, we’re stopping at Costco for condoms.
I love entertaining, so to my friends and family who are young, vibrant and childless, please don’t let a little poop in the toilet or the smell of old Cheerios deter you from coming over for a visit. We love having you, and hope you’ll come by again soon.
Can you relate? What do your childless visitors think when they come over? Leave me a comment; I’d love to hear from you!