Someone has finally invented a Food Bra!
But before you get too excited, let me warn you that it’s probably not what you’re thinking.
Or at least it’s not what you’re thinking if you’re like me and you assumed that either it’s a bra with a secret compartment for food, or possibly a bra with a shelf to help catch food and keep it safe for future eating should it fall down your shirt. I lose more perfectly good Cheetos that way…
Someone did make a Food Bra (that may not be it’s official name), but it’s not nearly as awesome as my ideas of what Food Bra should be…
Not even close – Someone make a bra that judges you (and your eating habits).
Apparently, Microsoft Researchers have invented a battery-powered bra equipped with sensor pads that monitors moods, and it will alert you through your smartphone when it thinks that you’re stress-eating.
My pants are already trying to tell me to stop eating, and they speak through actions not words. If I’m not listening to my pants, why would Microsoft Researchers think I’d listen to my bra?
The only garment I’d consider listening to is my SPANX, especially after this week when I sweated, stuffed, and prayed my way into a pair to try on a Christmas Dress that I had ordered online…and then got stuck in them right at school pick up time.
Shit got real, real fast.
This was way worse than the time I almost got stuck in SPANX – this time I was legitimately trapped with the feeling that there was no hope for escape.
My first thought was to call for emergency assistance, but I learned that the fire department will rescue a cat in a tree, but not a 30-something Mom in shapewear.
Oh the humanity!
I was close to cutting them off when I finally was able to free myself.
But back to the bra…
The graphic above from Incredible Things got me thinking; I’m certain that the bra would have to be pretty convincing/insulting to get me to actually listen. I came up with a few things my Food Bra could say that might get me to pay attention:
If I really need my undergarments talking to me, I assume my problems would be much bigger than those that could be resolved through an automated voice on my smartphone.
Besides, if I was going to invest in a bra that doubles as something else, it would most likely be The WineRack Bra.
Am I crazy? Would you use the Food Bra? Or are you more of a Wine Rack kind of gal?
And if your bra could talk, what would it say? Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear from you!