My kids love playing most family board games, but this holiday I’ve been on a quest to find some new games that I’ll enjoy playing as well. Not that I don’t find amusement in the classics, but 17 consecutive games of Chutes and Ladders isn’t as entertaining as it used to be.
And perhaps it’s just me, but there doesn’t seem to be a plethora of new board games hitting the market either.
Why is that? Can it be that hard to come up with a new family games?
I decided to try my hand at inventing my own board games, and I found out pretty quickly it is that hard to come up with something new. Also, all of my ideas were pulled from real life, which meant that all of my games were tied into parenting.
When I looked at my list, two things became abundantly clear: I need to get out more, and no one would ever want to buy my games.
Here are my 9 board games based on parenting that I’m pretty sure we’ll never see on store shelves:
1. The Game of LICE – Grab your RID shampoo, your nit combs and let’s start finding some bugs! First one to remove all the lice from the kid’s head without the infestation spreading to other family members wins! Don’t stop to freak out because if the bugs move on, you’ll have to go back to START and do it all over again!
2. Find the Smell – Sniff, Sniff. Do you smell that? What is it? Where is it coming from? Be the first person to find the source of the stink and…well, really there are no winners in this game.
3. What’s that Brown Stuff? – Is it poop or is it chocolate? It’s the question of the ages made popular by the movie Baby Mama, but it being a pop culture reference won’t make it any easier for you to tell what that brown smudge is…better grab a Clorox wipe just in case!
4. Detangle your Daughter’s Hair – It’s a game of stamina, smarts, and strength! Players each get a brush, an angry kid with knotty hair, and you have just minutes to brush it out before it’s time for school. Will you make it? Uh oh! It’s picture day! Better hurry before your parenting fail is captured on film and placed in a yearbook for all to see!
5. Catch the Vomit! – Beginners start with burp rags and baby spit-up, advanced players use buckets with older kids. Bonus points for parents who protect carpets, furniture or other surfaces by catching it with their hands!
6. Hungry, Hungry, Babies! – What time is it? Time to feed the baby! As soon as you begin the clock starts counting down two hours until it’s feeding time again, so you better hurry and try to feed yourself, shop, shower, use the bathroom, answer the phone, do the laundry, or sleep! Tick, tock, tick, tock! Don’t forget to burp the baby, change the baby, soothe and bathe the baby in between too. Wah! Wah! Guess what time it is again?
7. Sleep – It’s a game of chance and a game of luck! Odds of winning while parenting small children are slim to none. Players are more likely to win the lottery or be struck by lightening.
8. How Far Can I Let Myself Go? – Sure you’ve got valid reasons: the years of running on little to no sleep, kids to care for, a house to run, work to do, but just how far are can you let yourself go and be okay with it? Yoga pants (but never doing yoga) – Okay? Mom Jeans – Okay? Pajama Jeans – Okay? How low can you go? You’ve got nothing to lose but your pride!
9. Words with Strangers – Ah, your little darling is just started learning to talk! Time to give that vocabulary a workout – in public. See if you can say words like “Sit” without everyone around you hearing “Shit.” Have the little one yell out “Clock” without strangers gawking because they heard “Cock.” And go for the win if you can have the little tike say “Truck” three times without anyone confusing it for “Fuck“…in church.
Have you played any of these games? If you haven’t, I’m assuming you must be thinking these 15 Things When You Visit My House. Leave me a comment and let me know your favorite “parenting” games! I love to hear from you!