Barbie, you’ve got to be sh*tting me.

This week I joined the Barbie Hate Train, but the reason probably isn’t what you’d think.

I’m not saying that I don’t agree with the usual reasons that people take offense to the doll that whose target demographic is little girls ages 3-12 years old.  The usual of course being that Barbie gives impressionable young girls an unrealistic, unattainable idea of what a woman’s body looks like…according to experts, if Barbie were a real person, she would be 6′ 0″, weigh 100 lbs., and wear a size 4.  Her measurements would be 39″/21″/33.”   Many believe that Barbie could contribute to a girl’s poor self esteem, body image issues and even eating disorders.

It’s not that I don’t agree with any of that, but Barbie has never played a big part in my life.  Sure I had Barbies when I was younger, but growing up all of the neighborhood kids my age were boys.  If we played Barbies it was because GI Joe or He-Man was destroying her, and even those times were few and far between.

I started paying more attention now that I have a daughter of my own who is four and a half, and who just started taking an interest in Barbie – sort of.  Truth be told, she doesn’t really like any dolls, Barbie included, which I attribute to her having two older brothers.  Her dollhouses and Barbie cars alike are usually filled with stuffed animals or dinosaurs.  Although, she really loves her Barbie that came with a pet dog, but then again she likes anything that comes with a dog.

Which is why when my daughter saw a commercial for the Barbie Potty Training Taffy Barbie Fashion Doll and Pet Playset, she told me that she had to have it.  In case you’re not familiar with this particular Barbie, it includes her adorable pooch, Taffy, and the playset shows how much Barbie loves her pet by taking good care of him.  Sweet right?

Just wait…

Included in the set, which I’ve aptly renamed the You’ve got to be Shitting Me, Barbie Doll and Playset, you’ll find a leash to walk Taffy, treats and a bowl to feed the loveable pup, oh, and a trashcan, pooper scooper, and play turds.

barbie with pooping dog playset

That’s right, folks, for just $19.99 you too can clean up Taffy’s adorable play poop!

I can’t decide if I hate this the most because:

a) I’d be paying money for toy crap, not just another crap toy.

b) It gives children a false sense of what having a pet is really like…I mean, try scrubbing some toy Taffy shit out of a rug, or off the bottom of a shoe then tell me if you want a real dog.

c) I clean up enough Legos, Barbie shoes, and other toys to want to add the play turds into the mix.

d) For once, Barbie is sort of hitting close to home.  This almost touches on reality since I’m down with O.P.P. (Other People’s Poop and Other Pet Poop) more than I could have ever dreamed.  So much so it could be my job.

That last reason really got me thinking.  I mean, this may be as close to a Barbie as I’d ever come.  Furthermore, if Mattel was willing to make such a crappy Barbie playset, maybe they’d be willing to wade a little further into reality and make some other closer-to-real-life Barbies.

Instead of continuing to ride on the Barbie Hate Train, I’ve decided to pitch Mattel some ideas for a few more realistic Barbie playsets. To show them how much I felt connected to the You’ve got to be Shitting Me, Barbie Doll and Playset, I took a picture of me being a Barbie-esque responsible pet owner.

domestic bliss barbie scooping poop

 As you can see, I’ve tentatively named my doll idea, Domestic Bliss Barbie, but I’m not married to the name so let me know if you have something catchier.  I was going for the Toy Story Barbie look – well, at least a lumpier, frizzier, older, and much more weighed down in reality Toy Story Barbie anyway.

Here’s a few more reality-based Barbie ideas for Mattel:

Domestic Bliss Barbie Salmonella Playset – Giblets Included:

Domestic Bliss Barbie

Domestic Bliss Barbie Dirty Kid’s Bathroom Playset – Dirty Toilet and Scrub Brush Included!

domestic bliss barbie scrubbing toilets

Domestic Bliss Barbie “Coffee Break” Playset – Booze Included!

domestic bliss barbie booze included

I’m sure Mattel is going to want to jump on board with this right away despite the fact that I still haven’t heard back from Clorox or Purell yet.  What about you?  Are you on board with my reality based Barbies?  Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any other Barbie playsets Mattel might want to see!



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  1. noey1210 says

    I like the “Domestic Bliss Barbie ”Coffee Break” Playset – Booze Included!” one. Because the booze is included.

    I think there should be a “Frazzled Mom Barbie”. She could wear ripped sweatpants, a huge stained tshirt, have uncombed hair, no make up and house shoes. Much more realistic than a Barbie dog that has fake turds that look like brown tic tacs!

  2. says

    Amazing! Should also add the Up All Night theme; to include bags under the eyes, children’s vomit, and maybe the sick Kelly doll too (who whines and actually vomits when Barbie comes near). Just to give it a true realistic feel. This made my morning!!!

  3. says

    Oh, please! Those guys at Mattel wouldn’t give Domestic Bliss Barbie coffee, or even chocolate (maybe tea?)! No, she’d be able to run on smiles alone in perfect heels and a cute little 50’s style mom dress with three perfect little babies (but because of racial issues, one of those babies HAS to be African-American and the other one Asian or Latino… we wouldn’t want anybody to be offended because a Caucasian doll had Caucasian babies…) that you can squeeze the pee out of in a perfect little potty chair (mind you, Barbie babies never poop). If you want coffee, you have to be a “late at the office” Barbie, or some sort of “working class” Barbie. Silly girls!

  4. says

    Does domestic bliss barbie come with a detachable chicken or is attached to her hands? And don’t forget some play disinfecting wipes and play salmonella germs (glitter because Barbie is evil). What about an after school barbie where she comes complete with a minivan with a fully functioning horn, an opposable middle finger, and you push a button on her back and she spits out random things like, “My kid just got an academic achievement award,” and “My kid can throw a football…” Babies and kids sold separately.

  5. mariah says

    There should be a stay at home mom barbie. The little girl next door asked me today why I wear the same shirts. It’s because I’m too busy/slash lazy to go through my closet and get clothes and just grab the outfit that’s in the dryer.

  6. mariah says

    And can we get a man flu Ken and sick but still super mom Barbie? With either bonus sick kids included or even worse, kids that were sick but are on the mend after passing on their germs kids package?

  7. says

    I am dying, DYING, laughing at this! It is hilarious! What overpaid, crazy person dreamed this up?? And your photos of the salmonella playset, etc are hysterical!

  8. says

    I hate that Barbie and her shitty little dog, too, but for a different reason. Those little turds look like Raisinets and I kind of want to eat them, which grosses me out and pisses me off. You are a vision. A shiny, blue vision.


  1. […] sure Pottery Barn Kids will pick one of these up…unlike my realistic Barbie ideas that Mattel still hasn’t called me to get rolling.  Also still waiting on Clorox and Purell to call for anyone keeping […]