On Tuesday night, about an hour after my 4yr old was tucked into bed, she decided to practice her tightrope walking skills along the side rail of her bed, and she of course fell and hit her head.
She had a goose egg on the back of her head, but after a couple minutes of tears seemed fine. She was more upset about having to have ice applied, and appeared more annoyed that I kept checking to make sure her pupils were equal and reactive than she was about the lump on the back of her head.
However, knowing I’d be worrying all night and probably be getting up to check in on her multiple times anyway, I made the decision to just let her sleep in bed with me. My husband, of course, happily retreated to the couch, and my 4yr old daughter and I settled in for what I hoped would be an uneventful night’s sleep.
About 45 seconds after I closed my eyes, just when I felt her finger going up my nostril, I realized I was in for a long night.
Eventually she did fall asleep, but that didn’t mean I was able to enjoy a peaceful night’s slumber either. No, that was when the attacks began.
I’d find myself in a deep sleep only to take a foot to the face, or an elbow to an ovary, and even a few punches to my throat. It was like I was really sleeping with…
1. Solange – Unless you’ve been fortunate enough to be living under a rock, you probably saw the news footage (and I use the word news lightly) of Beyonce’s sister, Solange, kicking the hell out of Jay Z in an elevator. There were several times during the night where I woke up feeling just like Jay Z must have felt in that elevator…only without the fame, wealth, or bodyguard to take a couple kicks for me.
2. Chuck Norris – Don’t tell my husband, but I began doubting that my daughter was actually his about half way through the night. I don’t remember sleeping with Chuck Norris, but it sure felt like I must have given birth to his daughter after the third or forth roundhouse kick to the face. (image source)
3. Honey Badger – At some point I had the brilliant idea to try to cuddle up with my daughter to prevent her from doing the windmill spinning/punching/kicking. I imagine it would be similar to hugging a honey badger…let’s just say it didn’t work out like I had planned.
4. Neo (Keanu Reeves) from The Matrix – I might have been dreaming, but I swear I woke just before taking a kick or two to the head, and they looked just like this move from The Matrix.
5. Ultimate Cage Fighter – By the looks of her, my daughter is sweet and unassuming, but make no mistake, this little one is fierce. In part, I think it’s because she’s the youngest of my three kids, and learned pretty early on to stand up for herself to her two older brothers. Given her ferocity, and the flips, kicks and punches she delivered all night long, I could totally see her in a cage fighting match – that she’d win. (image source)
6. The Hulk – Speaking of my daughter’s big brothers who are 8 & 6 yrs old, they’ve aptly nicknamed my daughter, Hulk, which by the way, I would not suggest snickering at no matter how applicable it may seem. “Hulk get mad!” And apparently “Hulk mad in sleep too!” (image source)
7. Russell Crowe – Forget the honey badger, I think Russell Crowe is my daughter’s spirit animal. Although an immensely talented actor, he can have a bit of a temper and it has even been parodied on South Park. I am willing to see what it would be like to sleep next to the actual Russell Crowe for the sake of accuracy. (image source)
Tuesday night was literally a rough one, and will go down as a reminder why I keep kids out of my bed at all costs. Thankfully, it was all an over-precaution and my daughter’s head it fine; typically, I sleep in my kid’s rooms if someone is sick or needs my attention …from the safety of the floor. It was also a glimpse into my not-so-distant future because my daughter will be my bunk mate when we visit Disney World. I’m heading out to buy a helmet and protective padding now.
Do you co-sleep? What’s it like when you let kids sleep in bed with you? Leave me a comment and let me know! I love hearing from you!
And if you’re looking for another quick, funny post, head over to Huffington Post Parents where they’re featuring my 10 Jobs I’m Now Qualified for Since Becoming a Parent!