Can you believe it’s that time of year again already? Here we are at the 5th Annual Bad Mother’s Day Gift Guide! Remember, some gifts are just flat out bad, but some are so awful they’re awesome!
Check out this year’s list (and check out all my Bad Gifts for more ideas):
1.Onion Goggles – For just 19.95 you can give Mom a really useful kitchen tool; they’re goggles to keep her from crying while cutting onions! Someone very smart once said the secret to cutting an onion without crying is not to form an emotional bond, but you know Moms! They’re always tearing up over something! These genius goggles come in a variety of colors, or you could give her the knock off brand pictured on the right. Either way, I’m sure Mom will love it!
2. Laundry Machine Bike – I can’t imagine the bravery it would take to present a woman, your mother or the mother of your children no less, this exercise bike that doubles as a washing machine. Personally, the only thing I loathe more than exercising is doing the laundry. Approach this gift idea with extreme caution.
3. Vibrating Bicycle Seat – I was saving this vibrating bicycle seat as a bad Valentine’s gift, but in case anyone was toying with the idea of actually buying that washing machine bike combo, they might consider this stimulating seat for a possible improvement to that awful contraption. Although, I can’t imagine anything, even a vibrating seat, making powering my own washing machine more pleasurable. Via Incredible Things
4. Beer Pong Hat – Okay, I’ll be the first one to admit this looks kind of awesome, but I know I’m getting old because the first thing I thought of was “Who is going to clean up that mess?!” So be sure to give your Mom a coupon for a FREE MOPPING along with this present! Of course if you’re like me and haven’t squeezed in a game of beer pong in the last 10 years, this could be useful as a way to bring multiple drinks to the dinner table.
5. Your Face on Underwear – People love to put their face where it doesn’t belong – pillows, blankets, tissue boxes, and now underwear? This is the woman bore your children for goodness’ sake (because I’m going to assume no child would gift this to their Mom – Hello, Norman Bates)! How about a nice framed photo instead? Or check out the Ryan Gosling panties also available at this shop; Mom might be okay with a pair of those!
6. Kitchen Safe: Time Locking Container – Here we have a time-locked kitchen safe, and once it’s activated it will not open until the timer ticks down to zero (no overrides)! But just let me tell you what’s not safe about this product – anyone who might be around me when I can’t access my cookie stash when I need it. Any kid giving this to me as a ‘gift‘ might find their tablets, video games, or allowance locked in here until the end of time.
7. Woman Cave/Laundry Sign – I know, I know; it’s meant to be a joke. If it wasn’t such a tedious, futile, never-ending task, I might think it was funny too. Now, I’d love to receive a sign that says “Woman Cave aka Wine Cork Club House,” for my real Mom Cave.
8.Red Wine Phone Case – This might be a fun gift for the Mom who loves wine, but if this is me, there better be some real wine to go along with it.
9. Placenta Beauty Cream – Did your Mom carelessly throw away your placentas after birth? Perhaps at the time her skinhad a youthful glow, but now she needs something to help rejuvenate, moisturize and whiten her skin. Thankfully, there’s a beauty cream made with bio-placenta to help her regain that beautiful look only possible for the young or old people who rub placenta on their face!
10. Adult Tricycle – The only thing bad about this one will be how bad-ass Mom looks riding around on her adult trike. Seriously, I want one.
UPDATE: I found another one – Schwinn Sells an Adult Tricycle too!
Would you love to receive any of these gifts this Mother’s Day? Hoping to avoid any of the ones on my list? Leave me a comment and let me know!
Still need more suggestions for Mom? You can check out my Bad Gift Guides from the Holidays, Valentines or check out gifts specifically bad for Moms here:
Bad Mother’s Day Gifts 2014 (with my all time favorite gift, The Glitter Shitter)