How many of you remember Extreme Makeover people edition? Right now, Sunday nights ABC there is Extreme Makeover Home Edition where they build new homes for deserving families in just 7 days. I’d love for them to build me a home, but I’m not quite tragic enough. Anyway, another show ABC used to have was just Extreme Makeover where they would find really nice but extremely unattractive people and instead of helping them accept who they are, they would radically change their appearance and help them to conform to what society deems as beautiful. Awesome, right?
These people would get head to toe work done: hair implants, hair coloring, hair cuts, laser hair removal, chemical peels, any sort of implant anywhere implants are put, sucks and tucks all over, total dental work like veneers and zoom whitening, and new wardrobes. They also usually had personal trainers and chefs during all this and are sequestered from friends and family while they are undergoing this most extreme human makeover.
Well, I want to petition ABC to start a new extreme makeover show: Extreme Makeover, Mom Edition. Just imagine Mom’s! A show where they’d take you away and blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.
I know. I didn’t need to hear anything else either…a show where they took me away. Period.
As long as it wasn’t to a place where I’d need to do laundry, dishes or dinner, I’d probably come home looking like a new person. Hell, I wouldn’t even need plastic surgery (although if anybody’s offering, I’m totally accepting Sponsors). Every week, ABC could pick one overtired and under-appreciated Mom or housewife. That Mom (or housewife) would be whisked away to a hotel where she would be left totally undisturbed for 48 hours. She could sleep, or eat or even (drum roll) read a book without any interruptions.
If she were me, she would sleep uninterrupted until her body had rested long enough and actually woke her up on its own. There would be no alarm clock, crying baby or small child asking for Apple Jacks. There would just be Mom and her silence. Upon receiving enough sleep she could order whatever food she wanted in and she would be able to eat it in bed or at a table, and she could eat her food hot. She would not be forced to eat her meal cold, after anyone else was done eating, and while standing over the kitchen sink. When she had her fill of food, it of course would be removed and the dishes would be none of her concern. She could then read a book, watch adult television (not porn, well I guess if she could if she really wanted to, but I meant tv meant for adults and not Nick Jr., PBS Kids or Disney Channel), or again, if she were me, she could just sit and totally zone out, absorbing the silence.
After her first uninterrupted 48 hours, Mom would get a haircut and color, manicure and pedicure, new outfit including shoes and a bag, along with some professional makeup. She would be treated to a dinner and night out with her best girlfriends who she never sees enough. The next day she would get a detox day at the spa including a massage, then another 48 hours of no interruptions. The last day she would get breakfast in bed, another new outfit, and she’d jump up and down like she won a billion dollars when Mathew McConaughey (did I forget to mention that he’s the host) tells her she’s going home with a chef, a maid, and a chauffeur services for a year.
So for the cost of a hotel room and food for one week, plus two new outfits, one spa day, and one day of salon services, ABC would have Moms all over the country watching, wishing, and totally hating the Mom of the week. Oh, and the chef, maid and chauffeur services for a year, but that part I’m willing to negotiate. Either way, it’s got to be cheaper than building a new state of the art home in 7 days (and the bonus paying off the mortgage or college tuition they typically offer on Home Edition).
I’m open to suggestions before I make my official pitch to ABC. Am I missing anything? I will, of course, for the sake of my fellow overtired and under-appreciated Moms, go first to make sure it is a worthwhile show.
Host of Extreme Makeover Mom Edition, Mathew McConaughey helping Moms get off...I mean take off every week.
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