May 092013
 

Back by popular demand, it’s this year’s Bad Mother’s Day Gifts!  For the 3rd year in a row, whether you want to avoid giving the mother in your life a bad gift or if you’re looking for a passive-aggressive way to let your Mom know she makes Betty Draper (Mad Men) look like June Cleaver, then this is the best-worst list for you!

(Be sure to check out link to the Bad Mother’s Day Gifts from 2012 and 2011 at the bottom of the post)

1.  The Fat Magnet.  This $20 kitchen gadget is supposed to remove unwanted fat from your food. First of all, you’re insinuating that your Mom needs to worry about removing the fat from her food, and secondly, there is no way this device actually works.  If it did, I’d have 10.  Spend the $20 on flowers, or better yet, it’s Mother’s Day, go buy her some chocolate!  Source

fat-magnet-1

2. Double Kitchen Canisters (aka automatic toddler feeders) – Let’s call a spade a spade on this one.  This is entrapment.  Who hasn’t had a morning where you want to sleep in and tell your toddler to go make breakfast themselves?  With this automated cereal dispenser, you can pretend you toddler is a cat and they can eat what they can dispense while you sleep in.  Of course, I’m not saying your Mom would do such a thing, but don’t tempt her either. Source

toddler feeders

3.  Predator Claw Rings – ($900.00 per paw) I’m usually not at a loss for words, but this time I’ll just leave you with a suggestion.  How about a gift certificate for a manicure instead? Source

predator claw rings

4. Trendy Fashions – We all know trends come and go, and what one person calls trendy another might say is…well, I don’t have words for this fashion fail.  Thanks to Facebook follower, Jill Hector, for this wonderfully, tragic find – The Steve Buscemi DressSource

Steve-Buscemi-Dress-front-back

5. Carpet Sandals – We’ve all heard of the carpet matching the drapes…but what about the sandals?  Wait, what? Source

Carpet-Sandals

6. Gold Poop Pills – These gold infused pills will turn your poop sparkly!  Now, I’m not a medical doctor, or an accountant, but spending $435 on pills to put some pizazz in your poo <insert jazz hands> seems like a dangerous waste of money.  Maybe buy Mom something made of gold she can wear like a necklace or earrings…or hell, just let her use the bathroom alone! Thanks (for lack of a better word) to Facebook follower Katelyn Thompson for finding this very, very bad gift! Source

gold pills to make your poo gold

7. Wake-n-Bacon Alarm Clock -  Is Mom always complaining that she never gets breakfast in bed?  Well, she won’t be able to complain anymore when she is awoken to the aroma of (sort of) fresh cooked bacon next to her be in the morning with the Wake-n-Bacon Alarm Clock!  Source

wake-n-bacon-

8.  Food Dress – These amazing dresses were created by artists Artist Yeonju Sung and comprised of fruits and vegetables.  Maybe I’d suggest these as a gift if they were made of something more delicious like candy or french fries, but as is, even a fashionable styled salad, is still just a salad.  Source

food dress

9. Wearable luggage -  Moms are always complaining about not having enough space in their purses, and most Moms are looking for that everything bag.  This is not it. These ponchos may carry up to 33lbs of luggage, but there’s no room for pride, shame, or a positive reputation. Source

wearable-luggage-jaktogo

10. Hana Tsun Nose Straightener - Does your Mom have a crooked nose?  Does it make her hard to look at and love?  Well, for just $49USD you can make your Mom’s nose more socially acceptable and visually appealing.  Source

Hana-Tsun-Nose-Straightener

Still need some more bad gift ideas?

Check out the Bad Mother’s Day Gifts from 2012 and Bad Mother’s Day Gifts from 2011!

Keep an eye out for my 3rd annual Bad Father’s Day Gift Guide, coming soon!

What do you think?  Would you like to receive any of these gifts? Anything tickle your fancy?  Leave me a comment & let me know how you like the list!  I’d love to hear from you!

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May 062013
 

My powder room is directly next to my front door.

This has resulted in a couple slightly embarrassing incidents, the most recent being today when my toddler, who is fully potty trained and will flip out if I try to help her in the loo in any manner, was in there for a long, worrisome amount of time.

Did she fall in?

Was she clogging the toilet with paper?

Was she dipping her hands into the water?

Was she feeling okay?

This isn’t my first rodeo, and I’ve fished enough foreign objects from the toilet over the last 7 years to know when to start becoming suspicious of a toddler in a bathroom with the door shut.

I mean, come on!  Why should the kids get to pee with the door closed?

Oh yeah, because it was a nice Spring day, and I had my screen door open…

I gentle tapped on the door and softly whispered, “Cecilia, are you okay in there?”

She in turn responded with a loud thud and started yelling, “I’m going to the potty! Go away!”

I bit my tongue and started to walk away, but offered, “Just let me know if you need…” before she abruptly cut me off.  “Mom! I just told you! I’m going to the potty and I can do it myself!”

Annoyed and fully suspicious I said much louder than intended, “Okay, fine!  But if you are putting anything but poop and enough paper to wipe your little rear in that toilet, I am gonna be really mad!  Do you hear me?! Poop and paper!  That’s it!”

I whipped around ready to stomp off, but remain within walking distance, but didn’t take more than a step before I heard him laugh.  My cheeks reddened without my permission and I smiled, unlocked the screen door and casually took my deliveries with a smile while wondering how long it would be until UPS and FedEx teamed up to write a book about me.

As I cursed my propensity for online shopping, I told myself, I have nothing to feel embarrassed about…I’m not (totally) socially awkward, I’m a Mom.  There are certain things that come with the territory, you know, like…

awkward

I know I’ve mentioned several of these before, but what did I miss?  What would you add to this list?  Leave me a comment! I’d love to hear from you!

 

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Apr 302013
 

You hear people tell you all the time that kids grow up so fast.

Sometimes, when your elbow deep in dirty diapers, midnight feedings, and sleep schedules (or lack there of), that can seem hard to believe.  I remember just after having my third child, also having a 2yr old and a 4yr old, that my days never seemed longer, and if I was even given one day to live, I’d hope it would feel half as long as one of those days did.

They kept going…

and going…

and going…

But as slow as it may feel in the moment, time marches on, and now I find myself with no more little babies in the house, and come July, technically no more toddlers as my youngest will be four years old.

So before I forget these everyday moments, I want to capture what’s real.

Sometimes that is a posed portrait of the kids together in their Sunday best, and other times (most of the time), it looks more like this:

wishes for my kids

What would you have in your scrapbook to capture the real today?  Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

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