Oct 092011
 

Are you one of those people who has to have a unique one-of-a-kind Halloween costume for yourself every year?  Do you try to top and outdo your costumes from previous years?  Do you want to be the only one wearing that costume on Halloween?

Well, I’ve come across a few costumes that you’re sure not to find at any costume shop and you probably won’t see worn by anyone else at any Halloween festivities.

1.  The Vagina Heads.  Now, I have no idea who these women are or what they hell they are doing, but when I found and posted this picture on my 5 Unconventional Sex-Ed Methods , many of you immediately thought of Halloween…and I couldn’t agree more.  I’d be willing to bet that if you’re out at a Halloween party, doing a spooky bar loop, or participating in a costume contest, that you most likely will not be seeing any other Va-jay-jay heads bobbing around….at least I hope not!

I wish I knew what this was from so badly! Are they a singing trio? A stage troop? Sex Ed counselors? Whatever it is, I bet it's funny as hell!

2.  Go as a Fashion Statement….or a giant walking Merkin.  You all know how I feel about some of the hottest Fall Fashion Trends this year (even after trying some on and nearly being arrested by the Fashion Police), but somehow I missed this little gem.  This one, which hogwild.net says is called simply “70′s Bush,” will surely be a one of a kind this Halloween.  Retro is so in, and who wouldn’t want to spend a night walking around like a giant, overgrown patch of pubic hair.

Look out....she's gone native...real native.

3.  Saddle up and ride.  Get this little number along with a cowboy hat and you could go Western.  After all it’s not the size of the horse….Yee-haw!  This costume hails from Japan, but I doubt you’ll see many of these trotting around elsewhere.

Howdy, cowboy.

4.  Franken-bear. Now designer, Sebastian E. clearly marches to the beat of his own drum, and probably didn’t intend for this to be a Halloween costume, but I can’t imagine doing much other than scaring the shit out of people with this bear coat.  Don’t worry my animal loving friends, I’m pretty sure it’s faux fur.

Forget Halloween, I hope I get this bear coat for Christmas.

5.  Shithead.  No explanation necessary.

In case you weren't offended enough by the Vagina hats....

6.  Can’t get a sitter for Halloween festivities and are involving the kids too?  Use this (for real) baby carrier Snuggie thing (as seen in my horrible gifts for babies) and stay warm while terrifying anyone you come into contact with!

7.  Go green.  No not eco-friendly, go in my personal favorite, the Green Man suit.  I’ve worn this little number on several occasions, even in public, and it’s sure to surprise, scare and baffle the masses.

This was the first time I wore a bikini in seven years and based on all the looks I got, I think I was looking good...looking real good.

Do you have a funny, strange, or weird costume idea?  What’s the most unique costume idea you’ve ever had?  Leave me a comment!  And while you’re here, give me a quick vote on Top Mommy Blogs with just one click of the mouse below!  That’s all it takes!  Thanks!
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Jul 082011
 

So I had a conversation with a friend about a baby shower we’re attending.  Both of us being slackers, we of course waited to buy gifts and now we have three choices left on the registry: a $600.00 Glider for the nursery or buy her socks and baby soap and look like douche bags.  So we decided to put together a huge gift basket from the two of us with a variety of gifts.  I said that since our super pregnant friend has a sense of humor we should by her the Go the F@ck to Sleep book for the basket too.  My co-contributor on the basket, who wants the gift to be super fancy (cause we’re so fancy), says no on the book.  Which is fine….I’ll give it separately.  A total must have for any parent, delirious from lack of sleep, sanity hanging by a thread, needing a good laugh to keep them hanging on another night…

Anyway, the conversation of terrible products and gifts came up to which my friend said I should do another post…as if the Holiday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Potty Training and Sex Ed products weren’t enough?  Just in case, here’s some of the worst gifts for babies and their parents alike:

1. Peekaroo Fleece Infant Carrier

Do you love the movie, Alien?  Did you have a c-section you want to relive everyday? Do you want to use your baby to scare strangers? Well, then this is the product for you!  For just $80 on amazon, you can do all this and more!

2. Baby Mop

Now I know it may be tempting to get the whole family involved in the cleaning, especially if Mom owns the fancy mop slippers I featured and Dad is sporting the push broom shoes I also listed, but the baby mop is going to have to be where I draw the line.  Again, it may seem tempting, but I’m going on the record and saying the Baby Mop is a bad idea.

3. The Baby Pod

Are you looking for the perfect gift to give the expectant parents who can’t stop worrying about nuclear war/chemical attacks? What about the Baby Pod?  It provides clean air, an automatic diaper for waste and a rocking motion to sooth the podded baby. No, really it does.  And although it has a super padded protection and could get bounced around and still keep baby safe, don’t even try to check this at the airport. Seriously. Just don’t but this period.

4. Nosefrida Suction Device

I think that there are essential medical items that are great gifts for babies and new parents.  Humidifiers, thermometers, etc.  A bulb aspirator is something I have used countless times with all three kids when they were little, and the standard aspirator can provide gentle suction without you having to suck the snot out with your mouth as with the Nosefrieda.  Apparently there is a filter that prevents the snot from reaching the parent’s mouth, but regardless this is just awful. And unnecessary. And awful unnecessary.

5. The Babykeeper

The Babykeeper. Ah, I don’t trust that plastic hook enough to dangle my kid over a dirty bathroom floor. I’ve also seen some nasty stuff on stall walls that would never allow me to hang my child on them.  This just seems dangerous and dirty.  Plus my kids would never just hang there, they’d be trying to climb the wall, swinging back and forth.  This just seems like a bad idea.

6. Leashes

I personally have never been a fan of kids on a leash, if it works for you that’s wonderful.  However, please have the decency to use one where you at least hold the leash in your hand and not the O’Pair Leash System that resembles some sort of twisted umbilical cord.  Please.

7. Baby Bangs

Baby Bangs, the perfect gift for the baby girl who has everything…except hair.

8. Neck Tubes

 

Tosh.0 Tuesdays 10pm / 9c
Neck Tube Baby
tosh.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

I saw it on Tosh.0 first, and love him wearing one.  For a baby, not so much. This just terrifies me.

For reals.

Agree? Disagree? Leave me a comment! I’d love to hear from you!  While you’re here, click the banner below to cast an automatic vote for me. There’s a direct correlation between my number of votes and my self esteem. Click it. Please.
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