Winning

 Posted by Domestic Diva at 8:38 pm  Uncategorized
Dec 292011
 

Winning is in the eyes of the beholder.

We had two large family parties for Christmas and both had a White Elephant Gift Exchange.  We basically all bring a wrapped gift with no tag who it’s from, put it in a pile and all draw a number.  We then each choose a gift in order from the pile, or you can choose to steal a gift that has already been opened. Each gift can only be stolen twice so the third person that gets it is the “owner.” You know, because nothing says holiday spirit like taking nice gifts from your family members.

As always, there are a few real gifts that are stolen the max number of times, and also terrible (but funny) gifts you couldn’t give away if you tried.

This year we were 1/4 with gifts we could actually use; my husband snagged a gift card to a bagel shop, but other than that we got some fabulously bad Christmas gifts.

Thanks to my Uncle, I got not one, but TWO fire extinguisers. In his defense he didn't mean for this to be a bad gift. He's been living in third world countries for a number of years, and he's also a big Costco shopper. After a few holiday cocktails, he begins to get an accent and said, "What? Dis is not a bad gift! Your house on fire? Here, now it not burn down!"

The fire extinguishers were actually my second pick after a “Polska” scarf, perogies rug, perogies ornaments and perogies string lights were stolen from me. I actually really liked the Polish scarf (this is from my Polish side of the family I should mention). Even if I wasn’t Polish, who would want to pass on such fine Polish food decor?

I always loved Perogies...well, maybe not this much.

My Dad ended up stealing the Polish Perogi paraphernalia back from my uncle and trading me for the fire extinguishers…partly because he’s an awesome Dad and partly because he’s big on safety.

The other side of the family we scored real big too.  My husband is a quick learner and I hope he picks this up fast:

My husband was the big winner of the Belly Dancing Kit! Thanks, Aunt Terry!

I know, I know. You ladies are all jealous, but you’re significant others can learn belly dancing too. What a great gift for the guy in your life this Valentine’s Day!

And finally my other gift.

Really, this one is probably just what some people call karma.  You see, last year my gift to an unsuspecting family member was a giant throw blanket with my picture on it.  So this year, maybe it was fate that drew me to choose the gift that my cousin Bob had custom made:

Thanks, Bob, for the awesome throw pillow! It's beyond words!

Yes, Bob had a fabulous pillow made with his mug on it!  And apparently, I have one of you to thank!  Bob said he saw the website from a comment one of you left on a post about turning pictures into pillows.  So a big thanks to Bob for the lovely throw pillow, and a big thanks to whomever shared that wonderful website!

So there you have it. Another holiday come to pass…and this year, again, we were fortunate to be winning yet again!

Did you get everything you wanted this holiday season?  Get any stinker gifts?  Leave me a comment and let me know what goodies you got this year!  And while you’re here, click the link below to cast an automatic vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. Just one click is all it takes! Thank you!
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Don’t knock it until you try it

 Posted by Domestic Diva at 6:51 pm  Uncategorized
Dec 102011
 

I know I’m not the most fashionable person.  I’ll be the first to admit it.  So that’s why, after I said I didn’t “get” the Target Missoni clothing, I went ahead and tried it out for myself…well, sort of.

My point is that I try to follow the don’t knock it until you try it rule.  Sometimes perhaps, I’m too quick to judge.

For example, in my 10 Horrible Gifts for the Holidays post, I list several products, like Bacon scented cologne and and Ostrich Pillow for napping at work.  I sit here, in the comfort of my home, assuming that a man smelling of bacon grease is a bad thing, or that a person who places their head and hands inside a pillow and naps at work is ridiculous.  But have I tried these things myself?

No.

I actually received several emails a couple months ago when I posted on Facebook about an apparently hot ticket and beloved (to some) item, The Forever Lazy.  Presumably, those people must work for Forever Lazy, but regardless they had a good point.

Dear Susan,

I know you were probably joking this morning when you put up that picture to the Forever Lazy.  I just wanted you to know that it’s actually a great product.  I keep my thermostat lower and still stay warm.  Plus, since it’s not like a blanket or a robe, it’s so easy to move around.  I’ve even worn mine to a college football game.

Just thought you should know.

Sincerely,

Mary T.

Clearly Mary T either works for Forever Lazy or maybe she’s married to the CEO.

But it did get me thinking though…

So I ordered my own Forever Lazy, wore it around, and had some pretty surprising results (and this is not a Sponsored post):

Baking was a breeze in my Forever Lazy!

Outdoor Christmas decorating could be a real pain in cold weather, but it's no problem with the Forever Lazy!

You know me and my I.B.S., but it's not a worry with an easy rear access!

Even if the weather's cold, I can't be too lazy! The dog still needs walked, and now I can stay warm too!

And of course, the Forever Lazy is perfect for just laying around!

And the results?  Okay, so they weren’t so surprising, it is as ridiculous as it looks on TV.  I was warm though, and I’m kicking myself for not ordering pink.

What are your favorite As Seen on TV products?  Are you a Forever Lazy fan?  Leave me a comment!

While you’re here,take a quick second and vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking the link below just one time…that’s all it takes! I’ll consider it your gift from you to me (cause it really is!) Thank you!
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10 Horrible Gifts for the Holidays 2011 Edition

 Posted by Domestic Diva at 11:04 am  Uncategorized
Nov 242011
 

I can’t decide whether or not you all have a fabulous sense of humor, or you’re all a bunch of jerks giving shitty gifts for the holidays…

Either way, welcome to the 2nd annual Horrible Gifts for the Holidays!

If you’re new here, I suggest reading the back-story to this fabulously awful event, How One Pair of Men’s Extra-Large Underwear Started a Family Tradition.   It’s funny how those stringy, blue man-panties were the seeds of a fun family tradition.

Anyway, onto the main event.  If you’re looking to give the best-worst gift this year, want a gag gift that will surpass all others, I hope that you’ll consider the following:

1. The Ostrich Pillow.  Have you ever had one of those days at work where you just wanted to stick your head, and possibly hands, into a sack and take a nap? Well, have I got the product for you!  The Ostrich Pillow provides a cozy, dark, cushioney cave for your head and hands that fits right on your desk!  It’s not conspicuous and provides the perfect portable retreat for that much needed mid-day siesta.  Just don’t stay in there too long, I’m not completely certain it’s suitable for breathing.

2.  Canned Unicorn Meat.  Forget Spam!  Get some canned meat with some Sparkle!  For just 12.99 you can get 14oz of canned unicorn meat!  That’s right this magical canned meat has crunchy horn bits in every bite!  Made up of ground up wishes, dreams, smiles, magic and more, you’ll taste the enchantment in every bite. Perfect to dip or spread on sandwiches. You’ll be shitting sparkles and farting pink bubbles with this glittery meat. Seriously, I have no idea if this is edible, but I’m telling my kids it’s what I did to the Unicorn that shit on my dining room carpet in August.

3. Jersey Shore Christmas Tree Ornaments. Nothing puts me in the holiday spirit quite like The Jersey Shore.  The poofy hair, spray tans, slutty clothes, and FIST PUMPS!  Now, that’s what I’m talking about.  HSN has this fabulous Jersey Shore 3-piece Ornament Set featuring The Situation, Snooki and DJ Pauly D ready to hang on your tree.  Perfect, they say, for fans of the show, the soulless, and perfect for the person who has everything.  All for just 24.95!

 

4. The Daddle.  Traditional rocking horses are so boring!  Thank goodness there’s the Daddle!  That’s right, Dads (or Moms), get down on all fours and have some real fun with your kids.  This saddle is soft, washable and a great way to interact with kids ages 2-6. All for just $55!

5. Clip on LED Lights for Glasses. Do you know someone who likes to work in the dark, has poor vision, and wouldn’t dare wear something as ridiculous as a head lamp?  Well, why not try out the stylish and functional LED clip on Lights for Glasses!  Super bright LED lights will really brighten someone’s holiday!

 

6. Essential Travel Reserve a Spot in Heaven Kit.  Remember all the questions I had about The Rapture?  What to wear? What to bring?  Well, had I known for the low price of just $14.79 that I could reserve a spot in heaven, I wouldn’t have stressed at all.  With your purchase you’ll receive an official Reserve-a-Spot-in-Heaven reservation certificate, an official Reserve-a-Spot-in-Heaven identification card, their informational guide to help you navigate your way (no GPS required here), and the best part about this product…it comes with a 100% money back guarantee if your reservation is not accepted! source.

 

7. Limited Edition Talking Honey Badger Dolls. Okay, I’m going to be honest, I love honey badger.  I wish I could be more like honey badger, but I bet there are lots of people who wouldn’t appreciate such a terrible gift.  Is that Lucy Lawless enjoying wine with hers?  I have no idea where to buy a Limited Edition Talking Honey Badger Doll, but if it’s real somebody better buy me one!

 

 

8.  Bacon Cologne.  Now I love bacon as much as the next guy, probably more actually, but is this taking it too far?  Well, I’ll leave that up to you.  For just $36 you can smell like bacon grease all day.

9.  Chum Buddy.  Know someone who is terrified of sharks?  Well, next to immersion therapy and getting them in a shark cage in the ocean, this is the best thing.  The Chum Buddy sleeping bag/body pillow, available at Sears for the low, low price of $608 at the time of this post, can accommodate up to a five foot victim, I mean, sleeping person.  Perfect also for scaring the hell out of young children.

10.  The Japanese Snuggie.  Giving the Chum Buddy a run for it’s money is the Japanese Snuggie.  Forget the standard Snuggie…don’t even mention the newer Forever Lazy products, this bad boy takes the cake.  The problem with those other products is that your arms get cold.  This wearable sleeping bag will keep you warm and cozy to -20 degrees.  Okay, I’m not sure if that last part is true, but this guy sure looks snug! Source.

So what do you think?  Still need some more terrible gifts ideas?  Go back and read my Terrible Gifts for the Holidays from 2010, or find terrible Gifts for Dad from my Father’s Day post, Awful Gifts for Mom from Mother’s Day, or Terrible Gifts for Babies for even more awful ideas.

Would you like to give or receive any of these gifts? Leave me a comment and let me know!  If you need some real gift ideas for the Holidays, check out my nice gift guide too for some great ideas!  Plus, check me out on Facebook where we’re giving away a new Huffy Kids Bike starting 11/25 through 12/13 plus a ton of other great prizes!

And if you enjoyed the post, please take a quick second while you’re here and vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs with just one click of the banner below.  That’s all it takes to cast an automatic vote for me!  Thank you!

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8 Horrible, Terrible, No Good Gifts for Babies

 Posted by Domestic Diva at 9:48 am  Uncategorized
Jul 082011
 

So I had a conversation with a friend about a baby shower we’re attending.  Both of us being slackers, we of course waited to buy gifts and now we have three choices left on the registry: a $600.00 Glider for the nursery or buy her socks and baby soap and look like douche bags.  So we decided to put together a huge gift basket from the two of us with a variety of gifts.  I said that since our super pregnant friend has a sense of humor we should by her the Go the F@ck to Sleep book for the basket too.  My co-contributor on the basket, who wants the gift to be super fancy (cause we’re so fancy), says no on the book.  Which is fine….I’ll give it separately.  A total must have for any parent, delirious from lack of sleep, sanity hanging by a thread, needing a good laugh to keep them hanging on another night…

Anyway, the conversation of terrible products and gifts came up to which my friend said I should do another post…as if the Holiday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Potty Training and Sex Ed products weren’t enough?  Just in case, here’s some of the worst gifts for babies and their parents alike:

1. Peekaroo Fleece Infant Carrier

Do you love the movie, Alien?  Did you have a c-section you want to relive everyday? Do you want to use your baby to scare strangers? Well, then this is the product for you!  For just $80 on amazon, you can do all this and more!

2. Baby Mop

Now I know it may be tempting to get the whole family involved in the cleaning, especially if Mom owns the fancy mop slippers I featured and Dad is sporting the push broom shoes I also listed, but the baby mop is going to have to be where I draw the line.  Again, it may seem tempting, but I’m going on the record and saying the Baby Mop is a bad idea.

3. The Baby Pod

Are you looking for the perfect gift to give the expectant parents who can’t stop worrying about nuclear war/chemical attacks? What about the Baby Pod?  It provides clean air, an automatic diaper for waste and a rocking motion to sooth the podded baby. No, really it does.  And although it has a super padded protection and could get bounced around and still keep baby safe, don’t even try to check this at the airport. Seriously. Just don’t but this period.

4. Nosefrida Suction Device

I think that there are essential medical items that are great gifts for babies and new parents.  Humidifiers, thermometers, etc.  A bulb aspirator is something I have used countless times with all three kids when they were little, and the standard aspirator can provide gentle suction without you having to suck the snot out with your mouth as with the Nosefrieda.  Apparently there is a filter that prevents the snot from reaching the parent’s mouth, but regardless this is just awful. And unnecessary. And awful unnecessary.

5. The Babykeeper

The Babykeeper. Ah, I don’t trust that plastic hook enough to dangle my kid over a dirty bathroom floor. I’ve also seen some nasty stuff on stall walls that would never allow me to hang my child on them.  This just seems dangerous and dirty.  Plus my kids would never just hang there, they’d be trying to climb the wall, swinging back and forth.  This just seems like a bad idea.

6. Leashes

I personally have never been a fan of kids on a leash, if it works for you that’s wonderful.  However, please have the decency to use one where you at least hold the leash in your hand and not the O’Pair Leash System that resembles some sort of twisted umbilical cord.  Please.

7. Baby Bangs

Baby Bangs, the perfect gift for the baby girl who has everything…except hair.

8. Neck Tubes

 

Tosh.0 Tuesdays 10pm / 9c
Neck Tube Baby
tosh.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

I saw it on Tosh.0 first, and love him wearing one.  For a baby, not so much. This just terrifies me.

For reals.

Agree? Disagree? Leave me a comment! I’d love to hear from you!  While you’re here, click the banner below to cast an automatic vote for me. There’s a direct correlation between my number of votes and my self esteem. Click it. Please.
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10 Bad Father’s Day Gifts

 Posted by Domestic Diva at 10:42 pm  Uncategorized
May 172011
 

Well, after the Horrible Holiday Gift Guide and Bad Mother’s Day Gifts, it seems only fitting that I found some equally awful gifts for the Dads in your life.  This, of course, is especially true if you actually received any of the products from either of those lists.  So if you’re looking to get back at someone, want to show someone how little you care, or are perhaps looking for gifts to avoid, please enjoy the following:

1. Kleen Stride Shoes. Did some jerk buy you Mop Slippers from the Mother’s Day Gift Guide?  Well, here’s the male version of those shoes! Have him do some sweeping of his own and apparently there is even an attachable plow.  Purchase on Amazon for under $10!

Kleen Stride Shoes for the douche Dad that bought you "Mop Slippers" for Mother's Day

2. Head Spa. Just like Mom deserved something more than a serial killer “rejuvenating” face mask, Dad should get something better than this too.  The head spa is, well, ridiculous.  If Dad deserves a massage, you can probably get one at a nice spa for the same cost as this poorly rated item. Plus you’ll save him from looking like a tool, unless that’s you’re goal, and if so, purchase here on Amazon.

Dad looks so relaxed in his new Head Spa.

3. Flair Hair Visors, Bandanas, and accessories. Is Dad suffering from hair loss?  Or should I say, are you suffering from your favorite Dad’s hair loss?  Do you miss his lush locks?  Do you love visors and bandanas? Well, allow me the great pleasure of introducing the Flair Hair Visor and Bandana. Now Dad (and you) can enjoy thick, natural looking hair in the latest styles (as seen in The Jersey Shore). Purchase right from the Flair Hair website.

Looking good, Dad!

Hell yeah, Dad! America!

4. Sex for Dummies book. Okay, buy this book for the father of your children and you’re just a bitch (especially as a Father’s Day gift)…but you got balls if you do!  This may, however, make a great gift for your ex.

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

5.  Beer Belt. For Dads who love beer and hate getting up to get a refill.  This fashionable belt holds bottle OR cans. Bonus!

Stylish and convienent.

6.  Chest Hair Toupee. There’s just something about a hairy man that drive (some) women wild.  But what if the father of your children is one of those hairless varieties?  Should you rub his chest with hair growth creams?  Maybe, but that could get expensive.  Try the Chest Hair Toupee…can also be applied to backs (if you’re into it).

"Yeah, baby!" said in my best Austin Powers voice.

7.  Wiener Roasters. Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but I don’t think Dads are gonna dig this one.  Personally, I think it’s funny, but I can’t picture my husband firing up the grill and roasting some wieners on these grill accessories (UPDATE: Thanks to Toni R who found a web address to purchase these http://www.roastmyweenie.com/Roast_Your_Weenie/home.html):

Cooks wieners to perfection

8.  Denim Underwear. Thank you(?) Jezebel for bringing this gem to my attention.  Maybe instead of the “Sex for Dummies” book you can spice up your love life with a pair of these…and why not? Men buy women lingerie all the time!  Or maybe the father of your children likes to go commando in jeans. OR maybe you can’t afford a vasectomy and you’re tired of the man fathering children with you. These denim wonders are sperm killers fo’ sho!

Nothing says sexy like denim boy short underwear. Nothing...

9.  A little privacy please! Dads need some privacy too, and just like Mom, this is not what they are talking about. At least I hope it’s not…but if it is, apparently it comes with a matching hoodie- cool!

Top Secret.

10.  The Sweat Heart Sweet Shirt. You love the father of your children and you just can’t stand to be apart.  Well, snuggle up with your sweetie in the sweat shirt built for two!  How romantic!  Dad.will.love.it.

For the romantic Dad...or the Siamese Twin Dad...either one.

I hope this list will inspire some fabulous gifts for Dads this year.  I know it’s a little early, we still have a few weeks left, but women (unlike men) tend to shop early.  I didn’t want any of you to miss out on these unique gifts!

What do you think?  What are you getting Dad this year?  Leave me a comment and if you enjoyed the post, take a quick second and vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs.  Just one click of the button below and it casts an automatic vote for me.  Thanks and happy shopping, ladies!

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