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I can’t decide whether or not you all have a fabulous sense of humor, or you’re all a bunch of jerks giving shitty gifts for the holidays…

Either way, welcome to the 2nd annual Horrible Gifts for the Holidays!

If you’re new here, I suggest reading the back-story to this fabulously awful event, How One Pair of Men’s Extra-Large Underwear Started a Family Tradition. It’s funny how those stringy, blue man-panties were the seeds of a fun family tradition.

Anyway, onto the main event. If you’re looking to give the best-worst gift this year, want a gag gift that will surpass all others, I hope that you’ll consider the following:

1. The Ostrich Pillow. Have you ever had one of those days at work where you just wanted to stick your head, and possibly hands, into a sack and take a nap? Well, have I got the product for you! The Ostrich Pillow provides a cozy, dark, cushioney cave for your head and hands that fits right on your desk! It’s not conspicuous and provides the perfect portable retreat for that much needed mid-day siesta. Just don’t stay in there too long, I’m not completely certain it’s suitable for breathing.

2. Canned Unicorn Meat. Forget Spam! Get some canned meat with some Sparkle! For just 12.99 you can get 14oz of canned unicorn meat! That’s right this magical canned meat has crunchy horn bits in every bite! Made up of ground up wishes, dreams, smiles, magic and more, you’ll taste the enchantment in every bite. Perfect to dip or spread on sandwiches. You’ll be shitting sparkles and farting pink bubbles with this glittery meat. Seriously, I have no idea if this is edible, but I’m telling my kids it’s what I did to the Unicorn that shit on my dining room carpet in August.

3. Jersey Shore Christmas Tree Ornaments. Nothing puts me in the holiday spirit quite like The Jersey Shore. The poofy hair, spray tans, slutty clothes, and FIST PUMPS! Now, that’s what I’m talking about. HSN has this fabulous Jersey Shore 3-piece Ornament Set featuring The Situation, Snooki and DJ Pauly D ready to hang on your tree. Perfect, they say, for fans of the show, the soulless, and perfect for the person who has everything. All for just 24.95!

4. The Daddle. Traditional rocking horses are so boring! Thank goodness there’s the Daddle! That’s right, Dads (or Moms), get down on all fours and have some real fun with your kids. This saddle is soft, washable and a great way to interact with kids ages 2-6. All for just $55!

5. Clip on LED Lights for Glasses. Do you know someone who likes to work in the dark, has poor vision, and wouldn’t dare wear something as ridiculous as a head lamp? Well, why not try out the stylish and functional LED clip on Lights for Glasses! Super bright LED lights will really brighten someone’s holiday!

6. Essential Travel Reserve a Spot in Heaven Kit. Remember all the questions I had about The Rapture? What to wear? What to bring? Well, had I known for the low price of just $14.79 that I could reserve a spot in heaven, I wouldn’t have stressed at all. With your purchase you’ll receive an official Reserve-a-Spot-in-Heaven reservation certificate, an official Reserve-a-Spot-in-Heaven identification card, their informational guide to help you navigate your way (no GPS required here), and the best part about this product…it comes with a 100% money back guarantee if your reservation is not accepted! source.

7. Limited Edition Talking Honey Badger Dolls. Okay, I’m going to be honest, I love honey badger. I wish I could be more like honey badger, but I bet there are lots of people who wouldn’t appreciate such a terrible gift. Is that Lucy Lawless enjoying wine with hers? I have no idea where to buy a Limited Edition Talking Honey Badger Doll, but if it’s real somebody better buy me one!

8. Bacon Cologne. Now I love bacon as much as the next guy, probably more actually, but is this taking it too far? Well, I’ll leave that up to you. For just $36 you can smell like bacon grease all day.

9. Chum Buddy. Know someone who is terrified of sharks? Well, next to immersion therapy and getting them in a shark cage in the ocean, this is the best thing. The Chum Buddy sleeping bag/body pillow, available at Sears for the low, low price of $608 at the time of this post, can accommodate up to a five foot victim, I mean, sleeping person. Perfect also for scaring the hell out of young children.

10. The Japanese Snuggie. Giving the Chum Buddy a run for it’s money is the Japanese Snuggie. Forget the standard Snuggie…don’t even mention the newer Forever Lazy products, this bad boy takes the cake. The problem with those other products is that your arms get cold. This wearable sleeping bag will keep you warm and cozy to -20 degrees. Okay, I’m not sure if that last part is true, but this guy sure looks snug! Source.

So what do you think? Still need some more terrible gifts ideas? Go back and read my Terrible Gifts for the Holidays from 2010, or find terrible Gifts for Dad from my Father’s Day post, Awful Gifts for Mom from Mother’s Day, or Terrible Gifts for Babies for even more awful ideas. What can I say? The internet is full of ~~shitty stuff~~ treasures!

Would you like to give or receive any of these gifts? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Well, after the Horrible Holiday Gift Guide and Bad Mother’s Day Gifts, it seems only fitting that I found some equally awful gifts for the Dads in your life. This, of course, is especially true if you actually received any of the products from either of those lists. So if you’re looking to get back at someone, want to show someone how little you care, or are perhaps looking for gifts to avoid, please enjoy the following:

1. Kleen Stride Shoes. Did some jerk buy you Mop Slippers from the Mother’s Day Gift Guide? Well, here’s the male version of those shoes! Have him do some sweeping of his own and apparently there is even an attachable plow. Purchase on Amazon for under $10!

Kleen Stride Shoes for the douche Dad that bought you "Mop Slippers" for Mother's Day

2. Head Spa. Just like Mom deserved something more than a serial killer “rejuvenating” face mask, Dad should get something better than this too. The head spa is, well, ridiculous. If Dad deserves a massage, you can probably get one at a nice spa for the same cost as this poorly rated item. Plus you’ll save him from looking like a tool, unless that’s you’re goal, and if so, purchase here on Amazon.

Dad looks so relaxed in his new Head Spa.

3. Flair Hair Visors, Bandanas, and accessories. Is Dad suffering from hair loss? Or should I say, are you suffering from your favorite Dad’s hair loss? Do you miss his lush locks? Do you love visors and bandanas? Well, allow me the great pleasure of introducing the Flair Hair Visor and Bandana. Now Dad (and you) can enjoy thick, natural looking hair in the latest styles (as seen in The Jersey Shore). Purchase right from the Flair Hair website.

Looking good, Dad!

Hell yeah, Dad! America!

4. Sex for Dummies book. Okay, buy this book for the father of your children and you’re just a bitch (especially as a Father’s Day gift)…but you got balls if you do! This may, however, make a great gift for your ex.

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

5. Beer Belt. For Dads who love beer and hate getting up to get a refill. This fashionable belt holds bottle OR cans. Bonus!

Stylish and convienent.

6. Chest Hair Toupee. There’s just something about a hairy man that drive (some) women wild. But what if the father of your children is one of those hairless varieties? Should you rub his chest with hair growth creams? Maybe, but that could get expensive. Try the Chest Hair Toupee…can also be applied to backs (if you’re into it).

"Yeah, baby!" said in my best Austin Powers voice.

7. Wiener Roasters. Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but I don’t think Dads are gonna dig this one. Personally, I think it’s funny, but I can’t picture my husband firing up the grill and roasting some wieners on these grill accessories (UPDATE: Thanks to Toni R who found a web address to purchase these http://www.roastmyweenie.com/Roast_Your_Weenie/home.html):

Cooks wieners to perfection

8. Denim Underwear. Thank you(?) Jezebel for bringing this gem to my attention. Maybe instead of the “Sex for Dummies” book you can spice up your love life with a pair of these…and why not? Men buy women lingerie all the time! Or maybe the father of your children likes to go commando in jeans. OR maybe you can’t afford a vasectomy and you’re tired of the man fathering children with you. These denim wonders are sperm killers fo’ sho!

Nothing says sexy like denim boy short underwear. Nothing...

9. A little privacy please! Dads need some privacy too, and just like Mom, this is not what they are talking about. At least I hope it’s not…but if it is, apparently it comes with a matching hoodie- cool!

Top Secret.

10. The Sweat Heart Sweet Shirt. You love the father of your children and you just can’t stand to be apart. Well, snuggle up with your sweetie in the sweat shirt built for two! How romantic! Dad.will.love.it.

For the romantic Dad...or the Siamese Twin Dad...either one.

I hope this list will inspire some fabulous gifts for Dads this year. I know it’s a little early, we still have a few weeks left, but women (unlike men) tend to shop early. I didn’t want any of you to miss out on these unique gifts!

What do you think? What are you getting Dad this year? Leave me a comment and if you enjoyed the post, take a quick second and vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs. Just one click of the button below and it casts an automatic vote for me. Thanks and happy shopping, ladies!

10 Horrible Gifts for the Holidays 2011 Edition

10 Bad Father’s Day Gifts