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I can’t decide whether or not you all have a fabulous sense of humor, or you’re all a bunch of jerks giving shitty gifts for the holidays…

Either way, welcome to the 2nd annual Horrible Gifts for the Holidays!

If you’re new here, I suggest reading the back-story to this fabulously awful event, How One Pair of Men’s Extra-Large Underwear Started a Family Tradition. It’s funny how those stringy, blue man-panties were the seeds of a fun family tradition.

Anyway, onto the main event. If you’re looking to give the best-worst gift this year, want a gag gift that will surpass all others, I hope that you’ll consider the following:

1. The Ostrich Pillow. Have you ever had one of those days at work where you just wanted to stick your head, and possibly hands, into a sack and take a nap? Well, have I got the product for you! The Ostrich Pillow provides a cozy, dark, cushioney cave for your head and hands that fits right on your desk! It’s not conspicuous and provides the perfect portable retreat for that much needed mid-day siesta. Just don’t stay in there too long, I’m not completely certain it’s suitable for breathing.

2. Canned Unicorn Meat. Forget Spam! Get some canned meat with some Sparkle! For just 12.99 you can get 14oz of canned unicorn meat! That’s right this magical canned meat has crunchy horn bits in every bite! Made up of ground up wishes, dreams, smiles, magic and more, you’ll taste the enchantment in every bite. Perfect to dip or spread on sandwiches. You’ll be shitting sparkles and farting pink bubbles with this glittery meat. Seriously, I have no idea if this is edible, but I’m telling my kids it’s what I did to the Unicorn that shit on my dining room carpet in August.

3. Jersey Shore Christmas Tree Ornaments. Nothing puts me in the holiday spirit quite like The Jersey Shore. The poofy hair, spray tans, slutty clothes, and FIST PUMPS! Now, that’s what I’m talking about. HSN has this fabulous Jersey Shore 3-piece Ornament Set featuring The Situation, Snooki and DJ Pauly D ready to hang on your tree. Perfect, they say, for fans of the show, the soulless, and perfect for the person who has everything. All for just 24.95!

4. The Daddle. Traditional rocking horses are so boring! Thank goodness there’s the Daddle! That’s right, Dads (or Moms), get down on all fours and have some real fun with your kids. This saddle is soft, washable and a great way to interact with kids ages 2-6. All for just $55!

5. Clip on LED Lights for Glasses. Do you know someone who likes to work in the dark, has poor vision, and wouldn’t dare wear something as ridiculous as a head lamp? Well, why not try out the stylish and functional LED clip on Lights for Glasses! Super bright LED lights will really brighten someone’s holiday!

6. Essential Travel Reserve a Spot in Heaven Kit. Remember all the questions I had about The Rapture? What to wear? What to bring? Well, had I known for the low price of just $14.79 that I could reserve a spot in heaven, I wouldn’t have stressed at all. With your purchase you’ll receive an official Reserve-a-Spot-in-Heaven reservation certificate, an official Reserve-a-Spot-in-Heaven identification card, their informational guide to help you navigate your way (no GPS required here), and the best part about this product…it comes with a 100% money back guarantee if your reservation is not accepted! source.

7. Limited Edition Talking Honey Badger Dolls. Okay, I’m going to be honest, I love honey badger. I wish I could be more like honey badger, but I bet there are lots of people who wouldn’t appreciate such a terrible gift. Is that Lucy Lawless enjoying wine with hers? I have no idea where to buy a Limited Edition Talking Honey Badger Doll, but if it’s real somebody better buy me one!

8. Bacon Cologne. Now I love bacon as much as the next guy, probably more actually, but is this taking it too far? Well, I’ll leave that up to you. For just $36 you can smell like bacon grease all day.

9. Chum Buddy. Know someone who is terrified of sharks? Well, next to immersion therapy and getting them in a shark cage in the ocean, this is the best thing. The Chum Buddy sleeping bag/body pillow, available at Sears for the low, low price of $608 at the time of this post, can accommodate up to a five foot victim, I mean, sleeping person. Perfect also for scaring the hell out of young children.

10. The Japanese Snuggie. Giving the Chum Buddy a run for it’s money is the Japanese Snuggie. Forget the standard Snuggie…don’t even mention the newer Forever Lazy products, this bad boy takes the cake. The problem with those other products is that your arms get cold. This wearable sleeping bag will keep you warm and cozy to -20 degrees. Okay, I’m not sure if that last part is true, but this guy sure looks snug! Source.

So what do you think? Still need some more terrible gifts ideas? Go back and read my Terrible Gifts for the Holidays from 2010, or find terrible Gifts for Dad from my Father’s Day post, Awful Gifts for Mom from Mother’s Day, or Terrible Gifts for Babies for even more awful ideas. What can I say? The internet is full of ~~shitty stuff~~ treasures!

Would you like to give or receive any of these gifts? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Are you one of those people who has to have a unique one-of-a-kind Halloween costume for yourself every year? Do you try to top and outdo your costumes from previous years? Do you want to be the only one wearing that costume on Halloween?

Well, I’ve come across a few costumes that you’re sure not to find at any costume shop and you probably won’t see worn by anyone else at any Halloween festivities.

1. The Vagina Heads. Now, I have no idea who these women are or what they hell they are doing, but when I found and posted this picture on my 5 Unconventional Sex-Ed Methods , many of you immediately thought of Halloween…and I couldn’t agree more. I’d be willing to bet that if you’re out at a Halloween party, doing a spooky bar loop, or participating in a costume contest, that you most likely will not be seeing any other Va-jay-jay heads bobbing around….at least I hope not!

I wish I knew what this was from so badly! Are they a singing trio? A stage troop? Sex Ed counselors? Whatever it is, I bet it's funny as hell!

2. Go as a Fashion Statement….or a giant walking Merkin. You all know how I feel about some of the hottest Fall Fashion Trends this year (even after trying some on and nearly being arrested by the Fashion Police), but somehow I missed this little gem. This one, which hogwild.net says is called simply “70′s Bush,” will surely be a one of a kind this Halloween. Retro is so in, and who wouldn’t want to spend a night walking around like a giant, overgrown patch of pubic hair.

Look out....she's gone native...real native.

3. Saddle up and ride. Get this little number along with a cowboy hat and you could go Western. After all it’s not the size of the horse….Yee-haw! This costume hails from Japan, but I doubt you’ll see many of these trotting around elsewhere.

Howdy, cowboy.

4. Franken-bear. Now designer, Sebastian E. clearly marches to the beat of his own drum, and probably didn’t intend for this to be a Halloween costume, but I can’t imagine doing much other than scaring the shit out of people with this bear coat. Don’t worry my animal loving friends, I’m pretty sure it’s faux fur.

Forget Halloween, I hope I get this bear coat for Christmas.

5. Shithead. No explanation necessary.

In case you weren't offended enough by the Vagina hats....

6. Can’t get a sitter for Halloween festivities and are involving the kids too? Use this (for real) baby carrier Snuggie thing (as seen in my horrible gifts for babies) and stay warm while terrifying anyone you come into contact with!

7. Go green. No not eco-friendly, go in my personal favorite, the Green Man suit. I’ve worn this little number on several occasions, even in public, and it’s sure to surprise, scare and baffle the masses.

This was the first time I wore a bikini in seven years and based on all the looks I got, I think I was looking good...looking real good.

Do you have a funny, strange, or weird costume idea? What’s the most unique costume idea you’ve ever had? Leave me a comment! And while you’re here, give me a quick vote on Top Mommy Blogs with just one click of the mouse below! That’s all it takes! Thanks!

10 Horrible Gifts for the Holidays 2011 Edition

7 Funny, Strange and just Weird Halloween Costumes for Adults

10 Things I would have never said before becoming a parent