A belated Happy Mother’s Day to all of you Moms out there! I hope you enjoyed your day and didn’t end up with any Bad Mother’s Day Gifts!

I got a new vacuum.

No, no it’s okay. I asked for a new vacuum. It’s totally an appropriate gift when you ask for it.

I also got my husband to accompany me to Target on Saturday with all three kids so we could buy new bike accessories like helmets, pads, etc., and because my husband hates shopping with the kids as much as I do, I was able to toss some other “gifts for me” in the cart without any protest. His goal is to get in and out as quickly as possible, and mine is to shop Super Market Sweep style throwing as much shit in the cart as possible. Scored a new deck umbrella, a couple indoor & outdoor decor items, books for the kids and a new water slide for the back yard.

Even though the kids wanted a new water toy, I was the one who picked this one, The Wave Crasher, out. I figure if I have to be outside supervising, I might as well get something that I want to play with too.

So when we got home, I broke it in.

Move over kids, let Mama show you how it’s done:

…like a boss.

So there you have it…all in all a great weekend of testing the weight limit of toys, teaching the kids about water displacement, and an entire weekend spent outside neglecting laundry and chores.

Hope you all had a great Mother’s Day too. You deserve it!

In honor of the upcoming holiday, here’s a short poem to commemorate real life motherhood. It’s one I’m sure Hallmark will be wanting to pick up for next year’s Mother’s Day cards.

Your Mother

Eyes with bags

Boobs that sag

Skin once smooth and tight

Now covered in cellulite

Then there’s stretchmarks, spider veins and the like

All from giving birth to a little tike

Her weight is now distributed in the weirdest of ways

Facial hairs sprouting, along with some grays

The worry lines are the first wrinkles to come

Because this Mother’s job is just never done

A taxi driver, cook, teacher, and a maid

Can you believe your Mom doesn’t get paid?!

The job is a thankless and tiring one

Her body is destroyed when all is said and done

So give her a break and not just Mother’s Day

She works hard but needs some time to play

Let her take a nap, read a book, pour her a glass

Just never ever comment on the size of her ass!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Leave me a comment while you’re here and don’t forget to give a vote with just one click of the link below. I sure do love you Mothers!

Moms just want to have fun

An Ode to Real Life Motherhood

Your Mother

Happy Mother’s Day!