pet peeves »

Welcome to the unofficial start of summer. I, and thousands of my fellow beach lovers, took to the roads Friday and headed down to the shore. Although the drive for me is only around 70 minutes, I bore witness to multiple driving offenses on our way south. I was actually ready to kiss the ground by the time we pulled into the driveway.

Yesterday the brief five minute commute to the beach was again stressful and the language coming from my husband was rather colorful. Then, on the way home, less than a mile from the house we were almost hit by FIVE rolling tractor tires that seemed to come from nowhere. After a few seconds we realized some idiot had these huge tires unsecured in the back of a pickup truck and they all rolled out at once while he was driving. Thankfully, my husband was able to stop as they rolled across the road and into someone’s yard. If we had come around the corner just a few seconds later we surely would have been in a serious accident. I was so pissed I called the police.

So as we kick off the unofficial start of summer with my Delaware roads swarming with out of state drivers, and I narrowly avoided quite a few accidents this weekend already, I’d like to repost some old tips and some new ones in a letter I wrote to our visiting drivers who evidently have a different set of driving laws where ever it is that they hail from:

Dear Non-Delaware Driver:

Welcome to our Small Wonder! We aren’t quite the smallest (thanks Rhode Island!), but don’t let our size fool you; we’ve got plenty of attractions that we know you’ll enjoy! Come do some fabulous tax-free shopping at some of our malls and shopping outlets, visit Dover Downs for some Nascar Races, take your chances at our slots and casinos, watch a minor league baseball game, go to the zoo, and perhaps most popular of all, take a trip to southern Delaware and relax and unwind on our beautiful beaches!

Due to our small size, you can even enjoy some of our northern and southern attractions in the same day! Route 1, which is primarily a freeway, runs through all three counties and takes you from north to south in as little as an hour and a half. We are happy to have you visit our state, but do ask that you follow Delaware State Driving Laws while you are here.

For example, here in Delaware, the left lane is for passing, and as the posted signs clearly state in English all along the roadway, slower traffic should remain in the right lanes. It is not okay to drive 15 mph under the speed limit or drive the same speed as the car next to you. Pass the other car or get over; you are causing a significant traffic jam (I’m talking to you Maryland!). Additionally, when you are not utilizing the left lane for passing please stay in the right lane to allow faster vehicles to pass you. This is nothing personal, they may just want to reach their destination before Labor Day. You may also find this would be an appropriate time to use your automobile’s cruise control feature. It is not appropriate to pass someone going 80mph, then to have them pass you minutes later while you are going 60 mph (in the left lane), and then repeat this process several times. If you then see the person at a gas station, do not say, “You again!” and laugh or you might have to listen to a driving lesson and cruise control tutorial at a gas pump. No, I’m not laughing, and yes, I am talking to you, New Jersey!

Here in Delaware we also advise that if you feel the need to pull off the road for any reason, that you pull as far off as possible, and then when re-entering the road, utilize your turn signals and wait for traffic to clear. New York, it is not appropriate for you to pull into traffic moving 65 mph+ without a turn signal and without warning. You may not have realized this, but we all have the right away. You have the right to kiss my …

We also kindly ask that you refrain from reversing down the highway. Should you miss your exit, Pennsylvania, please use the next exit to turn around head the appropriate direction with the flow of traffic. You may find that reading our clearly marked and strategically placed road signs will help you navigate safely and efficiently to your destination.

Lastly, just this weekend we’ve observed the following and ask that you please immediately not do the following while driving here in Delaware:

For the love of God, please do not make a U-Turn over concrete medians in the middle of the highway a quarter mile from the nearest light. Traffic on the other side of the road does maintain the right of way in this situation and the people driving 40 mph behind you will not be anticipating this type of jackassery and may run into you as well.
Please do not seat passengers on lawn chairs in the back of your pickup truck and drive around. We welcome you, West Virginia, but would prefer not to scrape you off our pavements.
There is no need to drive in a Serpentine Pattern in holiday beach traffic without turn signals. No one is shooting at you and no one is getting anywhere fast.
If you observe a large red octagon with the words “Stop” it means just that. It is not opposite day, ever.

So there you have it, just a few differences we’d like to point out so that we can all enjoy a safe and happy holiday. We hope you shop at our stores, enjoy our beaches, and remember we’re now a “hands-free” state (so put the cell phones down)! While you are here, just make sure you buckle up too (it’s the law) and we also request you remove your head from your ass before operating a motor vehicle.

Thank you in advance for your ongoing cooperation.

Gratefully yours,

Delaware Drivers

*All opinions here are my own and do not actually represent all Delaware Drivers (although I bet most would agree). The bad driving examples were real and have been witnessed by me of actual people driving with said state license plates, however, they are generalizations and I do not think that all drivers from those states are “bad” or totally inept…except maybe New Jersey. Just kidding….kind of.

I hope you’re all having a safe, happy and healthy holiday weekend and please don’t forget to honor and remember those who serve our country, especially those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, this Memorial Day!

So what are some of your driving pet peeves? See any horrible holiday driving this weekend? If you enjoyed the post and you’re happy I lived to tell the tale (no thanks to the Maryland driver hauling the tractor tires) then please give me a quick vote on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking the link below, and leave me a comment too! I’d love to hear from you: