She seemed to glide, almost swan like, over and around puddles through the pouring rain.  It cascaded down her umbrella, and she smiled as tiny raindrops splashed around her.  She still had a youthful grace, and as the wind kissed her face it blew her curls upwards.  She giggled as she pranced through the parking lot and finally skipped over a large puddle and up over the curb. She was finally close enough for him to realize he did in fact know her, although  she seemed not to see nor recognize him yet.  He gallantly swung the door open to let her inside.  As she scooted past into the lobby of the store she thanked him, but still had not looked up.  She shook her umbrella and played with a curl which had stuck to the side of her face.  “You’re welcome, Susan.” he said coolly.  Surprised she looked up and finally met his gaze.  Although it had been a number of years since she saw him last, for a moment, it seemed like yesterday. In reality it was almost like a life time.  They had dated, before she even met her husband, and was in the “prime” of her life.  She was young, 21 or 22 years old, working out daily, eating well, no real responsibilities.  For a moment she felt self conscious…perhaps he sensed it too because he said “It’s really wonderful to see you. The years have certainly been kind…you look as beautiful today as you did 10 years ago…”

Not.

Sadly, it was not exactly that way.  The storm was unforgiving, and as I ran from the back of the parking lot, the rain beating down on my umbrella, the winds began to blow my hair (and umbrella) upwards.  After struggling through puddles and pouring rain, I quickly said screw the umbrella and nearly ran over a man trying to get inside the lobby of the mall.  I excused myself as I barreled passed him, umbrella now fully inside-out and hair half soaked ready and willing to begin frizzing. “Well, Susan…”he trailed off. “You always were rather rude.”  I looked up at the man’s face, a familiar one, a ghost from my past.  It had been nearly a decade since we had seen each other, and aside from a few lines and a slightly receded hairline, he looked much the same.

I swiftly apologized for nearly stabbing him with my inside-out umbrella, and told him he looked great and asked how he’d been.  After telling me about his job and family, he indicated someone had told him about my blog and he had read a post or two I had written.  He then proceeded to lean in closer to me and say, “you must be exaggerating though because you don’t have a mustache (read here or here or here if you didn’t read what he did), but you do (insert dickish laugh) have some 5 o’clock eyebrow stuff going on!” and laughed loudly.

I then feel my face contort in a manner which I had no actual control over, and I instantly remembered how un-funny this man was a decade before.  Apparently, some things never change.  Perhaps this was a look he had seen those ten years ago, because he then quickly apologized if he “insulted” me.  He then began an awkward ramble of how he thought the blog was “funny” and how great it was that I “put myself out there like that,” and that my kids were cute and I “looked good, real good…considering…”

At this moment his pointless babble was only further irritating me, and if I could have grabbed the proverbial shovel he was using to dig himself a deeper hole, if only to strike him over his head so I could go about my shopping, I would have done it.  Instead I held up my hand and motioned for him to “shush.”  I then told him it was “nice” to see him and it brought back a lot of old “memories.”  He started to speak, but upon looking in my eyes, nodded and we walked our separate ways.

As I went about my shopping and pondered how he managed to get even dumber than he was ten years ago, it also came to me that maybe it was a little my fault as well.  It’s easy for me to sit here at my computer and put up what I think are amusing stories or to share things about myself (like my mustache) that normally not everyone might be privy to if you saw me in person.  I also don’t broadcast some of my more embarrassing moments (read here or here or here), to everyone I see.  So as I sit here and type about how I was insulted when someone pointed at my Tom Selleck style mustache or eyebrow stubble, I guess I only have me to blame. Perhaps if I wasn’t broadcasting across the world wide web and poking fun at myself, most people wouldn’t be bringing it up?

So people…if I see you out on the street and you happen to read these blogs, I’d love to hear your opinion and any stories you might have that will make me feel better about my own often disastrous life, but please (please!) take it easy on me.  Let’s keep the mustache jokes to a minimum; I’m actually more sensitive than I appear! (Plus, I might blog about you!) Jackass!

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