What is it that they say about the third time around?

It’s a “charm, right?”

I agree, but only if by charm they mean that the third time around is a testament to your sanity.

Because when I say it’s my third time, and a charming one at that, I am, of course, referring to potty training.

My first two disasters experiences were with my boys whom I was told, given their gender, would be more difficult to train.  After surviving the literal shit-storm- twice-I can honestly stand here and tell you it would have been easier for me to eat some coal and poop some diamonds than have those two just go on the toilet.  After months and months with Joey, I sat with him in the bathroom one day and said, “We’re not leaving until you poop on the potty.  I’m prepared to sit this one out.”

Three hours later he yells “Mom! Mom!  I need a Pull-Up or a diaper! The poop is gonna fall out!”  Had this kid even been listening to what this process was all about??

As for boys being more difficult than girls, I cannot say for certain whether this is true, or if my other Mom friends at the time saw the defeat in my eyes and heard the underlying desperation in my voice, and therefore told me all boys were a challenge when it came to potty training in order to make me feel better.  Perhaps they didn’t want me to feel like a mother of a failure…because I did.

As I begin this transition for the third time, I pray that boys are harder than girls.  This means I should be having an easier time with my 22 month old daughter…but so far I’m not.  Cecilia just started potty training, and when I say that I mean she is still in diapers 24 hours a day, pees and poops only when diapers are on, and prefers potty time  to be a place to be read to and sung to while she sits bare-assed on the toilet for what seems like hours at a time.  On occasion she’ll take a break from books so she can dip her hands into the big toilet or unroll as much toilet paper as she can before getting caught.

Ashamed, becuase I should be a veteran at this by now, I turned late one night to the internet. Surely, Google would discretely refer me to some parenting websites that might offer some clue into unlocking the potty training secret, or something that would shorten this process and allow me to keep my sanity, at the very least.

So I sat in my living room, logged off of Facebook and Twitter, and quietly typed queries on Google in the dark of my living room praying for a cure (is that the right word?).

It was there in the dead of night, quietly tapping away on my keys that I discovered some of the worst products for potty training.  But this, THIS is exactly how they get you!

You’re desperate!

You’re tired!

You’re knee deep in someone else’s crap when suddenly you see these products and think, “Hey, maybe it’ll work?”

“It’s just got to work!”

“Please, dear God, let it work!”

There, in that moment of sheer desperation, you take out your credit card and before you know it you’re the proud owner of:

Potty Time Gets Plush

Shit or Get of the Pot 

I’m Speechless 

 

Are you in the trenches with me? How’s potty training going? Have any products that are worse than these?  Do you own any of these? Leave me a comment!