zach galifianakis »

Last week my Victoria’s Secret Swimwear catalog arrived.

After a few hours of rocking back and forth in the corner while self soothing with some gin and Girl Scout Cookies, I finally took a look through most of it.

Then, because it’s not healthy to keep something like that lying around making me feel bad, I chucked it into the fireplace.

I should mention that I’ve been a long time customer of theirs; although, it certainly is no secret that I’m not now, nor have I ever been, Victoria’s Secret’s target audience when it comes to swimwear.

And we all remember the time my VS bra leaked, right?

But who is the target audience for these barely-there bathing suits? It seems like every year the trend is for there to be less and less of an actual suit. I anticipate 2014′s trend to be just some models on the beach wearing starfish pasties on their nipples and crotch, and for my 2015 catalog to just contain a bunch of naked women on a beach.

This is one of the ‘New!’ suits featured this year. It’s the Strappy Twist Bandeau with Brazilian Bottom:

Seriously?

Oh, and for the sake of the record, I say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it…

And for the rest of us, who don’t got it, go ahead and flaunt it anyway, but maybe do it in something other than this bathing suit.

Maybe I’m projecting here?

It’s possible that hate this catalog all the more because I have terrible luck with this type of apparel.

Remember last year when I bought a new bathing suit and unbeknownst to me, a celebrity had simultaneously done a Vanity Fair Swimsuit Calendar wearing a nearly identical outfit?

And was even striking similar poses on the beach…

But may have been a bit harrier…

And had smaller thighs…

And was actually a man…

What are the odds?

Now, normally if someone said, “Wow! You’re like Zach Galifianakis!” I would be flattered (and assume they meant that I was funny, but this is not the comparison I was shooting for…)

Which leads me to my current predicament…

I’m swimsuit shopping.

Because retailers are already telling me that it’s swimsuit season, and since I’m fighting the winter blues and depressed already, maybe a fabulous new suit would be exactly what I needed to get me looking forward to Spring/Summer…

So, stay tuned, I’m on a quest to find the perfect swimsuit that is the happy middle between the Brazilian suits that require a Brazilian Wax and Zach Galifianakis.

It’s got to be out there, and dammit, I’m going to find it.

Am I way off base? Do you love the VS Swimwear catalog? Or do you think Zach looks fabulous and you’d totally wear anything he would? Leave me a comment and let me know!

Who wore it best?

Have you seen this segment in Us Magazine? They take photos of two celebrities, wearing the same or virtually the same outfit, and then give a description of accessories, dates, exact makers of the apparel, etc.

You, the reader, can then vote on which celeb wore it best.

For example, here’s one pitting sister against sister last summer with Kim and Kloe Kardashian.

Who wore it best? Image from US Weekly.

Now, I am by no means a celebrity, but I did recently come across a famous star wearing virtually the same bathing suit that I wore last summer.

Since I’m not usually up to speed on the latest fashion trends, I was a little surprised to see such a popular celebrity looking so much like… me.

Back to the swimsuit-

The color might have been a little different…

The straps may not have been worn the same…

And one of us might be a little hairier…

But when I put our photos side by side, I couldn’t help but think, “Who wore it best?”

So there you have it.

I used to have a figure like an hour glass….

Now I have a figure like Zach Galifianakis.

(Photo credit: Zach Galifianakis Vanity Fair Swimsuit Calendar)

I’m almost afraid to ask you to tell me what you think, but feel free to leave me a comment below.

And Tuesday, April 17th from 12pm-1pm PST you can chat with me live on Circle of Moms Facebook page for their first ever live chat hosted by me! Chat with me live about keeping a sense of humor throughout the day to day stresses of motherhood (spoiler alert, it helps that I’m already crazy). Giveaways throughout the hour for participating too, so please come join me! Find out the details here!