Last week my Victoria’s Secret Swimwear catalog arrived.
After a few hours of rocking back and forth in the corner while self soothing with some gin and Girl Scout Cookies, I finally took a look through most of it.
Then, because it’s not healthy to keep something like that lying around making me feel bad, I chucked it into the fireplace.
I should mention that I’ve been a long time customer of theirs; although, it certainly is no secret that I’m not now, nor have I ever been, Victoria’s Secret’s target audience when it comes to swimwear.
And we all remember the time my VS bra leaked, right?
But who is the target audience for these barely-there bathing suits? It seems like every year the trend is for there to be less and less of an actual suit. I anticipate 2014′s trend to be just some models on the beach wearing starfish pasties on their nipples and crotch, and for my 2015 catalog to just contain a bunch of naked women on a beach.
This is one of the ‘New!’ suits featured this year. It’s the Strappy Twist Bandeau with Brazilian Bottom:
Oh, and for the sake of the record, I say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it…
And for the rest of us, who don’t got it, go ahead and flaunt it anyway, but maybe do it in something other than this bathing suit.
Maybe I’m projecting here?
It’s possible that hate this catalog all the more because I have terrible luck with this type of apparel.
Remember last year when I bought a new bathing suit and unbeknownst to me, a celebrity had simultaneously done a Vanity Fair Swimsuit Calendar wearing a nearly identical outfit?
And was even striking similar poses on the beach…
But may have been a bit harrier…
And had smaller thighs…
And was actually a man…
What are the odds?
Now, normally if someone said, “Wow! You’re like Zach Galifianakis!” I would be flattered (and assume they meant that I was funny, but this is not the comparison I was shooting for…)
Which leads me to my current predicament…
I’m swimsuit shopping.
Because retailers are already telling me that it’s swimsuit season, and since I’m fighting the winter blues and depressed already, maybe a fabulous new suit would be exactly what I needed to get me looking forward to Spring/Summer…
So, stay tuned, I’m on a quest to find the perfect swimsuit that is the happy middle between the Brazilian suits that require a Brazilian Wax and Zach Galifianakis.
It’s got to be out there, and dammit, I’m going to find it.
Am I way off base? Do you love the VS Swimwear catalog? Or do you think Zach looks fabulous and you’d totally wear anything he would? Leave me a comment and let me know!