No Domestic Diva

Terrible Gifts for the Holidays

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After an overwhelming response to the post, “How One Pair of Men’s Extra Large Thong Underwear Sparked a Holiday Tradition” I decided that since I had already selected my horrible gifts for this year’s exchanges that I will help you all out as well.  I complied a list of terrible gifts which i came across this year in search of my own bad gift ideas.  Keep in mind, these can be made even more awkward when given to a family member like Grandma or a coworker. Many of you, as in a surprising number, asked where I found Ramon.  Unfortunately, I purchased him nearly seven years ago, and I am not willing to face the visual atrocities that befell me the last time I Googled “male blow up doll.”

You’re all on your own if you want to explore that avenue.

So without further adieu, in no particular order, here are some terrible gifts for you to give loved ones this holiday:

The Companion Pillow

This pillow, which is fashioned in the shape of a man’s arm, brings new meaning to the word, ‘lonely.’  For the low, low price of $39.95 you can bring the feeling of comfort and a warm embrace to your solitary friends or family.  Be sure to attach the phone number of a good therapist or perhaps a gift certificate to E-Harmony as well.  It’s really the least you could do in the event that they might actually need or want this gift.  Click here to purchase Boyfriend Pillow ® aka The Original Arm Snuggle Companion Pillow

Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye

Imagine Grandma’s Delight or the sheer joy on a coworkers face when they unwrap their very own box of Betty Beauty’s Pubic Hair Dye.  Whether you have a “blond” friend who needs a little help matching her curtain to her drapes (if you know what I’m saying), or if you think having hot pink pubes is, well, hot, then Betty Beauty Pubic Hair Dye is the gift for you.  In case you want to stock up, or try a few colors there’s plenty of colors and sales here: Betty Beauty Betty Color for the Hair Down There Coloring Kit

Tattoo Sleeves

Does your man’s corporate day job leave you fantasizing about a tougher tatted man?  Problem solved with the tattoo sleeves!  Your man can sport his suit by day and these sexy tattoo sleeves by night,or maybe your Grandpa has always wanted to go a little wild.  Really, who wouldn’t love this gift- and all for less than $20 (while the sale lasts!)  Buy yours here: Temporary Fake Slip on Tattoo Arm Sleeves

A Yodeling Pickle

Just when you thought yodeling couldn’t get any better, now there’s the new Yodeling Pickle.  Press a button and yodel along, all for $15.25!  This one is a real holiday steal!  You can click to here to purchase your Yodelling Pickle.

The Diva Cup

That yodeling pickle got me thinking about going “green,” so this next item shows your recipient that you love the environment just as much as you love them.  And really, what doesn’t say love like a reusable cup you use during your period?  I’d write more but I don’t want to spoil the details.  Get yourDiva Cup
here.

Knitting with Dog Hair (book)

This might be stating the obvious, but as the author of this book so frankly said, “Better a sweater from a dog you know and love than from a sheep you’ll never meet.”  Enough said.  Order your copy before they’re gone on Amazon!

Kush Pillow for Boobs

I recently added pillows to my Holiday Shopping Guide which is filled with gifts people would actually love to get.  This pillow is made for a very targeted audience: the large breasted side sleeper (women and men with moobs too).  I myself am a bit chesty and would love to shove this swimming pool noodle between the girls before I went to bed.  I mean, this will redefine sleeping for the big breasted side sleepers of the world!  It be great at an office, family or friend gift exchange too. Order your Kush Pillow  here!

White Stretch Bikini Jeans

These white bikini jeans would be a hit at the office party…talk about casual Fridays! Hot!  Just do not pair with the Hot Pink Pubic Hair Dye.  I’m sure it would show through and that would just be tacky.  Order yours right from the designer: http://www.sannas.jp/main/en/pants-jeans/bikini-pants.html

Sauna Pants

Now believe it or not, these Sauna Inflatable weight loss pants are no longer mass produced.  However, I did see several Ebay and Etsy listings with the pants.  Gift the gift of good health to those you love this year.

Poo Trap

Perfect for people with dogs, and I bet if the recipient of this thoughtful gift didn’t have a dog already, they would run out and get one.  Maybe the shameful act of picking up Dog poop was just too embarrassing for them before.  Now, they can hold their head high as they walk their dog around town with a plastic bag adhered to its asshole. Who’s the master now?  Order yours: http://pootrap.com/us/buynow//catalog/index.php?cPath=21&osCsid=2bc796bd6aa8e2255ba4dc2c6f8dd7c7

Happy Shopping!

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  2. The Kush Boob Pillow would not work for me. My boobs are like pancakes. I might be able to use the knitting with dog hair book. But only if I knew how to knit. The pants are ingenious! Ok maybe not so but they would have been a few years back for those who would have worn something like that. I would seriously get the poo trap for my husband. Not for him personally but for when he walks the dog.

    • Carla…I was hysterical b/c I thought you meant you wanted the poo trap for the husband (and not a dog). lol.

      Glad you could find some of the products useful 🙂

      • OMG!! I’m about to pee in my pants!! That’s what I thought Carla was saying at first! Carla, that was TOO funny!!!!!

        • Here I thought it would be perfect for the pet owner/would be pet owner….now there’s a whole new market. Wonder if the bags come with it or not. Bet they have them for BIG dogs…could probably fasten one on a husband too!

          • “I’m the envy of my block! My husband walks himself and he’s easy to clean up after”

          • I. Can’t. Breathe. I’m about to fall off my chair. I’m crying! LMAO!!!!!!

  3. I’m at a loss for words! I’m just glad you already did your holiday shopping. Can’t wait to see your contibutions to the family gift exchange!

    • I just hope none of you try to buy any of these items…perhaps I should have hung onto this for just a while longer.

    • Apparently, it’s been around a while….and it comes in different sizes. So if you know someone with an extra large uterus, be sure to get the proper size.
      It really was disturbing to me.

      • Actually, the DivaCup comes in handy when you’re living in a developing country that doesn’t sell tampons. It’s actually much more hygienic than tampons/pads and generally makes “that time of month” much less messy. It’s also more comfortable than tampons, in my opinion. TMI to the max, but don’t knock something if you haven’t tried it, especially something that reduces a lot of waste and can save you a ton of money!

        • Well, I knew there had to be a ton of people using them because they really are everywhere on the internet. I couldn’t believe how many places you could buy them. In this case, I still think it would be a terrible gift…even if some people use/like them…awkward!

          • I actually own a Diva cup and I think, they are the best invention EVER! I’m gonna go a little TMI, but I think this product is the bees knees… lol It doesn’t leak, when it is in properly, like tampons, you can wear it for a long time (up to 12 hours) has reduced cramps immensely for me, saves TONS of money and waste. I have been recommending them to every chick I know! Try it, and you will never go back to pads/tampons, just sayin. But it definitely would not be a good christmas present, waaaay too personal, unless of course someone specifically asked you for one! 🙂

  5. OK, first, I’ve seen those Diva cups far too often for comfort. But that poop bag attached to the dog’s butt? That’s just genious! I must have one!

    • this was my first run in with the “Diva Cups”….and you can by them all over the place. WTF? It looks so very gross to me.

      the poop bag to me seems crazy for more than one reason. First, i’ve never owned a dog that would have tolerated that one, and is strapping that contraption on worth no bending over and just picking up the stupid poop? I don’t get it. For reals! 🙂

      • Next thing ya know, they’re gonna be makin’ those poop bags for “The Potty Training Child”… Holy shit!!

  6. These are the worst gifts ever!! OMG its so funny though. I thought the doggie poop catcher was bad but the “Diva Cup” WOW & those white pants omg!! I hope no one dislikes me enough to put any og these under my tree hahaha!!! Love it Diva!

    • You’re the firs one to mention the white pants…and by the way those are denim! White jeans with bikini underwear sewn in. So feel free to go commando! Yikes!

  7. Laughing out loud! I think that the tattoo sleeves are the winner. What do you buy the man who has everything? I’ll be getting him a trailer and some pit bulls to go with…

    • I’m a HUGE fan of those too…my husband works for a bank and is an “IT” guy…way too straight and narrow. I think these will help him connect to his wild side.

  8. Is it just me, or does that Boob Pillow look like a dildo? I dunno, maybe my mind is in the gutter. (I AM ovulating…) Oooh, so I should rush out to get a Diva Cup before I start. Um…How does one go about measuring her uterus? Suggestions, anyone?

    Ok, I sorta see the point of most of the stuff here (even the pants: SEX – if ya have a decent body, I suppose). But WTF do ya do with a Yodeling Pickle???? “Hi, I’m Steve. Can I show you my Pickle?” ????

    OMG, Susan. I can’t breath from laughing, imagining USING these items. I’d manage to screw it up ONE way or another…Or I’d be trying to turn my Boob Pillow “on”…

    Thanks for the ideas. Heh heh…

    • Someone on facebook mentioned the book pillow “looked like something else”….and I totally did a double take when i saw the picture the first time! What the hell?!

      And I have to stop talking about the diva cup! It’s so gross to me! I can’t stand it! lol

      I might get a boob pillow though. Apparently it helps prevent wrinkles on your boobs. I’ll take 2!

  9. OMG! I’m completely speechless. These are the most HORRIFIC gifts I have EVER seen. And of course, by horrific I mean HORRIFICALLY AWESOME!! If only my in-laws had a sense of humor….or sense of any kind. I would be ALL OVER the pube dye and possibly the boob pillow. Such tough choices! I guess I DID have something to say, after all!

    • Really, the pube dye is my favorite. You could even buy red and green and be all festive! Can’t go wrong with some of these!

  11. Love the advice not to pair the white stretch bikini jeans with the pink pubic hair dye! I am totally cracking up!

    • Linda,

      Maybe I’m stating the obvious there, but I didn’t want anyone to be so taken with these fabulously awful gifts that they over-looked a possible fashion faux-pas!

    • Kim,

      It always leaves my family crying from laughter…Hope you have fun with it- we always do!

  13. One of my college fiber arts teachers told me the funniest story about a colleague who knitted herself a sweater out of her beloved dog’s hair. Apparently, the dog was getting old and had some fabulous, white fur…she wanted to memorialize the dog, so she collected the hair for about a year, carding, spinning and finally knitting a sweater for herself. When the sweater was finished, she hand washed it in her bathtub and lay it out on the deck in her back yard to dry. WELL….the neighbor dog (who despised the old dog) caught a whiff of that sweater, jumped the fence and RIPPED it to shreds!

    • Kalah-

      Although I have been a dog owner three times in my life, I never felt the need to spin some clothing/blankets from their fur…I cannot believe anyone would actually do it! So funny the neighbor’s dog attack the newly spun sweater!!!

  14. Oh.My.God. Those gifts are terrible — I WANT THEM ALL! I can just see myself strutting around in those sauna hot pants with the boob cushion peeking out of my shirt. Sex-ay!

    Thanks so much for sharing. I got a great laugh!

    • Janene- So glad you enjoyed the post and that you share an appriciation for terrible gifts…these really were the best of the worst! And, call me crazy, but I think those Sauna Pants are multi-season pants too….pair with a turtle neck in winter, or a tee in the summer. Either way, it’s h-o-t!

  16. Diva Cups: more hygienic than tampons, creates zero waste, saves you a ton of money over time, (in my opinion) more comfortable than damn tampons or pads, convenient, and leaves you feeling cleaner than a pad, for sure. Don’t knock it, ladies!

    • Can i at least knock it as a gift idea? Feminine hygiene should be left out of the holidays at least!

  17. I’m ashamed to say I haven’t been to your site in a little bit BUT I am so glad I came today. LOVED the suggestions. Particular the singing pickle, the poop thing for the dog, and the pubic dye:)!!! Ha-ha! Almost busted out laughing at work…yes, I am reading you at work:) BTW, I saw the dye at the place where I would get my eyebrows waxed and thought that was just the strangest thing. Do people REALLY do that?

    • First, I’m just happy people come back and see me at all, so thanks for the visit! Second, so glad you liked the suggestions : ) And, I’m even happier I could be a distraction at work! And, I must be out of the loop, but apparently there is an entire section of the population walking around with hot pink pubes….to each his own, I suppose.

  18. Um, I’d definitely say it’s better to have a sweater form a sheep I’ll never meet. I mean, I’ve SMELT my dog. Never would I need a sweater made of her. I can’t believe these are actual products, it’s hilarious.

    • lol. Kyle, I have to agree. I’ve owned three dogs in my life, and never felt the need to “wear” any of them! Maybe I’d feel differently if I owned a sheep? Either way, a terrible gift!

    • Glad you enjoyed them! I’m just hoping my family already bought their gifts! I’m gonna be mad if I end up with a Kush Pillow and/or Hair Dye for pubes! lol

  20. I really enjoyed this. But the kicker for me was the witness protection dots over the doggie’s poo. It’s okay to sell the anus obscuring bag, but Heaven forbid we see the waste in the bag.

      • No shit! I agree. Sorry, I couldn’t let that one go. I had to pun it out there.

        I also wanted to add that the most offensive little item is the dog hair knitting. I feel hot shame for the lady that gave that idea a ride. “Hey honey, remember yesterday how I said I was sick to death of vacuuming up the dog hair?”

        • Totally acceptable! Practically called for really…and I think a dog hair sweater would be the worst gift on the list too…followed closely by pubic hair dye. Although, I’d pay to see someone open that at an office party or give it to a Grandma or something.

  22. I am a hair stylist, and I have literally had my clients ask me if I sold that pube color, or if I could get it for them! I was laughing so hard! At least they didn’t ask me if I offered “pube coloring services” I was just telling my sister about it this morning, and then I came across this post. My biggest problem with that product is the fact that you have to have a major bush to dye! If it is nice and trimmed (like you suggest in your rapture post), I am afraid it might leave your skin that color, too. Like bad hair color that stains your face for days!

  23. The yodelling pickle is ‘ Currently unavailable’ and they ‘don’t know when or if this item will be back in stock’! LOL

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